Mess Night! Your Funniest Fines from Mr.Vice

[Lego]

Good afternoon Marines,

I am a long time reader, first time poster. Currently what I am looking for in relation to the title of this thread is well, guidance. Firstly, I am a Sergeant of 6.5 years of service. Currently still Active Duty.

I have been asked by my CO, since according to him...I am quite "Witty" to be Mr.Vice, of our Mess. To full-fill this role I am asking you, all of you, what were your funniest most memorable Fines of your respective Mess nights?

The reason I am coming to this forum, and medium is because..dun dun dun, I have never been Mr.Vice before, and I have not attended a Mess Night. =/ Most Marine's I know, unfortunately have not. Due to op tempo, or many other various reasons.

So I'm coming to you, for ideas, for guidance and for any constructive criticism you might have! This will be our last event before a change of command, and i'd like it to be more memorable than anything.

The order clearly outlines, everything else I need to do as Mr.Vice....except for when the real fun happens and the floors open for fines.

SF

[Tennessee Top]

Been to a couple but far too long ago to remember what the fines were handed out for by Mr Vice. I remember we conducted one at the Staff NCO Academy in Quantico as part of the curriculum so we could go back to our units and put one together.

Good luck. Let us know how it went.

[josephd]

Best fines you can give out are making Marines show off whatever talent(s) they have and show stupid tattoos that they have(these usually come from someone in the mess who knows they have something)

eg. we have a LCpl. in the Co. with pockets tattooed on his a$$ cheeks. A fellow Marine called him out for scratching his face, when Mr.Vice was giving out punishment a few Marines called out his tattoo....he ended up mooning our Co. Staff, CO, 1st Sgt, Bn CO, Bn Sgt. Mjr to show his "pockets"....hilarity ensued, our Sgt. Mjr lost all bearing and had to leave the table for a moment to gather himself

We have a SSgt who is always singing whenever he is walking around or working, it is usually some sort of stupid pop song too....he got called out and had to perform a Lady Gaga song(Poker Face) for the Co. including dancing

[Lego]

Im starting to understand my responsibilities as Mr.Vice more, My plan is to basically make the entire mess perform some sort of stupid something before talking to the President to bring up charges....

[josephd]

you don't need to call them out on something as punishment before talking with president of the mess, as mr.vice it is just your job to scree everyone that wants to address the pres, head table, or the mess as a whole

eg...

LCpl $hithead: "(stands up at attention)Mr. Vice! LCpl $hithead requests permission to address the mess/head table/president of the mess!?"

you as Mr. Vice: (you look at the president for permission, he or she denies them) "sit down $hithead" or "$hithead please enlighten us"(something witty that gives him permission to speak"

LCpl $hithead: (still at attention)"it has come to my attention that SNM has broken the rules of the mess by touching his face/picking nose/farting/name the cause"

the whole mess: "say it ain't so"

you as Mr. Vice: "what say you SNM"

SNM called out: defends himself with some stupid excuse

you as Mr. Vice: "your punishment for breaking (insert mess rule) is to (insert your choice of punishment) for the mess"

if ya'll know each other well Marines will start shouting out punishment options to you as Mr. Vice...this is where hilarity ensues as the Marines know each other too well usually and make them do something stupid like showing tattoos on a$$es and singing/dancing