We all have rough periods.

[wrbones]

I'm in the middle of some pretty difficult changes myself. We all have them. For a time, they effect us each emotionally. We all react similiarly, yet in different ways at different times. Loss is what it's all about usually. We lose jobs, we give up careers, we give up dreams. We lose function as we get older. We lose friends and fellow Marines and family members. Part of the job, part of living, but we all resent it and feel the pain. That sort of pain never really goes away, but we learn to live with it. It gets better.

It is the initial reaction that we must learn to see and to deal with properly. Sometimes, even knowing these things, we need assistance. Someone to listen. Someone to be there. Someone to point things out to us when we're not seeing things clearly. Sometimes we blame others, or more often ourselves. Usually thinking to ourselves that there was more that we could have done to prevent whatever it was. Many things come forth in such a time, our weakness, our strengths, our fears. Our friends.

For me there is much that I have refused to face in the last few years. I have fought and struggled and gone on no matter what. Often in the face of odds that seem incredible when considered objectively. So have many others. Lately, I have had to "give in" to the inevitable. So begins my story with the VA. More frustration and loss. Loss of dignity, a loss of freedom because I cannot do what once was easy for me. A loss of privacy as some things the Docs need to hear no matter what I think or feel. It's only fair. They need information in order to have an expectation of doing their jobs properly. Some of this loss has bled over into my posts and interactions with others here. One of these "bleed overs" has been my low self esteem. No matter what I have accomplished, or done, or been at the center of... or learned over the years, it has been my constant plague. Something I often struggle with daily. I know that others have such things or worse that they deal with daily. I know from experience that I am not alone.

This is where I start listing a few of my strengths.

I can often discern when another person is going through something like this. I'm no better or worse than the next at such discernment. Being of predatory nature, we are all somewhat good at this. It is my nature to want to assist those in such need. One of my strengths is to see and unravel a pattern in things around me. Around here, I'm not alone in this. I can do a variety of things and do most of them well. From singing an old spiritual song to cooking a gormet meal, to changing a diaper to stitching a wound and setting a broken bone. I can build a house, drive nearly anything on wheels, and do more with fewer people and resources than many could imagine doing. There is much more that I do well, but I am not alone in this. There are many around here who do as well and possibly better. I know my strengths. I am aware of my weaknesses. Once in awhile, I even think I know where my "blind spots" are. LOL.

For those of you who do not know me well. Others here can tell you that I am not weak. I will take you on if I think you have wronged others. If your thinking isn't straight, I'll get ya sorted out there, too. Be sure of it! LOL. I expect you to do the same for me.


Just so you know. I'm nobody special. I'm just another MArine. Far from being a statement of weakness, that is high praise indeed. I absolutely know my strengths. Therefore I have a good idea of the strengths of the Marines around me. If I can do anything at all, I know that I do it well. If I am just another Marine, I believe that speaks well of all Marines, because I know I'm good at whatever I do. I don't like braggin'. Others have done more and often better than I. I say that in admiration, not in denigration of my own strengths or accomplishments.


My six is covered boys, make sure the other Marines around here are ok first!

Semper Fidelis, Marines.

[Barndog]

Low Self Esteem? Been there. Done That. Bottom of the barrel? That too. Been scraped off the pavement myself. Had friends help me up, and carry me when I was unable, until I could carry myself once again.

Lots of people 'claim' their lives are just peachy, covered in roses and butterflies and candy canes, financially, emotionally and spiritually. I'm here to tell ya first hand, they're probally full of crap. Big heaping piles of it sitting in the desert sun. Never dries up, just stays wet and juicy.

I've myself, hit some pretty formidable opponents in my lifetime. So far (knocks on wood) I've managed to overcome, adapt, and adjust. The sickness, and death of my Son, and then the resultant inability to deal with it, resulting in ME thinking that cocaine and booze would just 'make it all better'. There's some real fine thinking. Just about cost me my life in the process. Total honesty with one's self- that's the key. If you can't be totally honest with yourself, you'll never conquer those skeltons in your closet. Now, this RA crap is the newest battle.... and I'm on my mission to kick it's a$$ and take names.

I have a bro who has struggled with booze for years. Not what I would call an alcoholic, but it has always interferred with everything in his life. I mean everything - you name it. Highly intelligent man. Maybe too smart for his own good. Tells me a couple weeks ago, 'man I get my 1 year sobriety coin this week'..... I said 'great man, congrats'.... At the same time, I remember a couple of weeks previous to that, he was telling me he and his gf went up north for the weekend. They went to a place I recommended for dinner (outstanding food), and shared a Corona.

Now, is that total honesty with one's self? Not even close.
When I got sober (and I MEAN SOBER) - I had no choice but to stop everything - even taking the wine for communion in church, because I was afraid that it would send me back over the edge. If you play with fire, you will get burnt. I had to learn that lesson in order to see the light. I drink now, however I do know my limitations. It took 5 years of sobriety to see that light.

Turn your weaknesses around into strengths - because thats what weakness is - inverted strength. Self doubt is our greatest enemy. I doubted myself the minute I set foot on those yellow footprints at MCRD.

I have never doubted myself - when I look in that context again.
Marines do - with less because they haven't the choice to do otherwise. We have been trained to do more with less and accomplish greater feats than humanly imaginable.
I'm not going to stand here (on Bone's soapbox) and tell you I DONT get down on myself. I DO. Look at that Eagle Globe and Anchor you earned. That - and it's history - should be plenty enough to pull any Marine from the depths of self doubt that he or she can manifest. Trust me, it works. ( looks up at his Eagle, Globe and Anchor and sez loudly.......)

Semper FI

Barndog

[Sparrowhawk]

Heavy stuff

Need to go back and do some thinking.

I guess I've been lucky, no doubt the Lord above has had His hands on me for some time. I know I should have been killed in Nam, on the police force and in my own recklessness. Too many, many close calls for me not to have been. In Nam, there is no hesitation in my mind that there was divine intervention from above; nothing else would explain what happened. On the police force, ambushes, car chases, and on my own, drunken car wrecks, and riding a motorcycle at about 120 while duce out of my mind.

I figure one day when I get up there (it helps if you know the Jarheads that are on duty at Heaven's Gate), I will find a squad of mangled angels all beaten up and crippled in one room being cared for by an angel corpsmen and when I ask who they are? St. Peter will tell me, <b>"Why Cook those are the angels that took your place when you should have been killed, wounded or taken a serious hit in life. “</b>

My life like yours Bones and Barn dog has had several episodes of troubles and woes. I’ve lost a lot in life, many have over the years have taken advantage of what I have helped them with, or given to them, and they have returned to take some more. I’ll always give, but when I say. No, its over. Some on the Internet, like you Bones have also experienced, will cross that path, and then I ignore them, figure they are not worth my time.

Others in life I have stood my ground and have paid a heavy price to see justice done for the good of others. I guess all Marines have a weakness and that is that we love justice and will like bones said, take on others for the good to prevail.


The VA? Huh, what a joke, I have yet to share my Vietnam nightmares with a shrink, the last one was a good looking female blond and all she wanted to do was get laid. I wrote a letter and now, she’s working as a waitress on Hollywood Blvd LOL. It was a shame because for the first time in my life I was ready to talk to someone about my Vietnam nightmares.

Low Self Esteem? I guess women in my life have been both helpful and troublesome. I used to spend night with women whose faces I don’t remember. Sometimes two of them at a time while drunk on my butt. Don’t remember them, and their names I never heard. Used to talk to them while drunk, about Nam, boy what would I give today to have heard what I used to say to them.

Now, in this stage of life, I’ve learned to be content with what I have, but emotionally the walls are at times very thin.

I guess if there is any advice I could ever give any one is this, <b>“Be honest and complete in your communications with your loved ones.”</b> everything after that, doesn’t matter.