Dear Daddy

[Sophora]

Christmas eve in 65 I went to sleep and hoped you were having a nice Christmas in Vietnam. Christmas eve 79 I stood at the grave while your brother Marines gave you final honors. Christmas eve 2002 I again stood at your grave and placed flowers at the headstone so recently installed. It took me 2 decades to begin to make peace with you. When I was setting the flowers I wanted to forgive you, I wanted to tell you how much I loved you, but I got my stubboness from you. I stood there looking at your headstone, reading what was on it, proud of the Marine you were, but still angry at you, my dad.

Must be something about December with you. I got a copy now of the certificate for the Purple Heart you received. You were wounded on Dec 23 1950 in the evacuation of Hungnam, North Korea. Mom told me you had told her how happy you were to be on the Hospital ship, that it was so very cold in Korea. I know now you were a Chosin Frozen. Mom said you have the shrapnel still in your back. I have learned alot about you in the past few years as I worked on getting your headstone. Got your DD214, got your SRB. Mom's told me alot once I got around to asking her. You hurt her bad, I didn't want to open her wounds, but you know, she forgave you years ago.

I remember good times with you, the time after you returned from a year deployment in 62 when we went to your folks in Georgia and you put me on a horse and lead me around the pasture. It was so high up there on that horse for a 4 year old, but I wasn't afraid cuz my daddy was there and he was a Marine and he would protect me.

I remember being very sick in K-Bay in early 65 and you holding me in your arms. You made me giggle by telling me to count your freckles on your arms. It was something beyound my 6 yr old mind. I look at the freckles on my arm today and sometimes I smile, sometimes I cry. You promised you'd take me to dinner when I was well. You knew you were leaving for Nam before I'd be well.

[Sophora]

Christmas 65 mom set up the movie camera and tape recorder. They were both reel to reel, so we could share with you Christmas. Years later I found the movie and watched it. All us kids, except the baby, would run up to the camera to show you what Santa had brought you. I was twelve when I found it and the wall between us was high. It grew higher as I got older till at 16 after you in a drunken rage started punching and beating on me and I left home. as I ran from the house you yelled to me that if I left I was dead to the family, but I left, cuz I wasn't afraid of you any more.

You did take me to dinner after you returned from Nam in 66. We went to the NCO club. I remember you were so handsome in what I knew of as your Dress Greens, I'm sure there is a Marine code for them, some kinda class uniform. It was a nice dinner but there was a space between us. I can't figure it out daddy, I loved you so much. I wanted you to love me. In your letters from Nam you told me you did, but it was like I wasn't there, like you couldn't see me. I learned to be afraid of you.

You got drunk alot. I don't know if you did before you went to Nam, I was too young to know, but as I grew older I saw it. You would get real mad at us kids and sometimes beat us with your belt. I learned to behave and anticipate and do things so you wouldn't have a reason to beat me. I would lay in bed and hear you beat mom. I would see mom step between you and us kids to keep you away. I would hear mom tell lies about her black eyes and stuff to cover your arse. Mom was a Marine after all and covered for you. I would do anything for you if you would have only loved me, told me you were proud of me. You never did.

Christmas eve 2000, 21 years after we buried you I went to the cemetary and while I couldn't find your grave, I knew the general area you were buried. I cursed your 2nd wife of 5 months who didn't put up a stone, and I felt great shame thet as the daughter of a combat Marine I had let you lay for so long in an unmarked grave. I took care of it dad. You got your headstone. I brought you flowers last year, it was a duty, I still hadn't forgiven you. There is s reason I had to get the headstone. Took two yrs to figure it out but I did it. My 4 brothers weren't happy about me doing it but F them. I had to do it because I had to finally admit that you were a big influence in who I am. For years I denied it, I got my Marine BRaT training from Mom, after all she was a Sgt of Marines. I finally had to accept alot of the good values I have also came from you. 1st Sgt Charles D. Corbin.

[Sophora]

I stood at your grave Christmas eve 2002 and tried to make peace. Two of my brothers had been to the grave before me. They live there in MD and I'm in Arizona. They both told me that they had made peace with you and that I should be proud. I thanked them, but didn't feel proud, I just did my duty, and a part of me was hoping if you could see from heaven it was me the neglected daughter who did it, not your 4 precious sons. I went twice there.Once on the 19th, the day you past, and on Christmas eve when we buried you. You would have been proud of the stiff formation I held, but I had wanted to be a daughter. I wanted to curse you and spit on your grave, I wanted to cry and forgive you. I was stoic and distant, like the Marines I saw in 79 who put you to rest.

Christmas Eve 2003, I forgive you dad and I love you and I miss you and I wish I had told you how much I cared and how proud I was of you. Merry Christmas daddy.

Your little girl,
Janine

[firstsgtmike]

"I would do anything for you if you would have only loved me, told me you were proud of me. You never did."


I PM'd Janine with MY thoughts.

For everyone who reads this, I would strongly suggest that you not only look back on your childhood, but that you look ahead through the eyes of your children.

Are you building the kind of relationship you want to be remembered for?

P.S. It's NEVER too late.

[greensideout]

An open and powerful shareing of your heart. Thank you for trusting us Janine.

[Sophora]

greensideout,

I trust you because you are what I was raised with. I was short of 11 when dad retired. I grew up a Marine Dependant. I wanted a candy bar, I showed my ID, a lane at the bowling alley, My ID, a flick at the theather, My ID. I see the bumper stickers saying "My kid is a Honor student at XYZ School", I got one saying I had a B average at Camp Le Jeune Dependance School ( Won't say what year, but before 70's). :) The Corps raised good BRaTs

[trimmerjr]

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It made me realize how much I haven't been a real father to my children. I have been gone so much, I took it for granted my children will always love me. After I came back from Iraq I was kind of withdrawn in my own world and didn't pay enough attention to my wife and kids. I was to busy gearing up for next deployment to Afghnistan. Now that I'm here I wish I did more. I won't make the same mistake twice. Again, thank you!

[Sparrowhawk]

sisTER, for sharing your thoughts.

It made my eyes water.

The Corps tears us all apart but it also brings us together.

You are family and one day as I travel, I’ll stop by in Tucson, I'll buy you a beer and count the freckles on your arm.


Love

Cook

[USMC-FO]

A very strong and powerful piece on personal reconciliation, love, and the enduring strength of blood. Thank you for sharing this with us today, I am sure this was not easy for you to write, but I appreciate that you think enough of us on this site to share it with us....your brothers and sisters.

[Sophora]

1st SGT Trimmer, in a special way your kids will always love you. Marine kids learn to accept the time their fathers are away. I never realized how much dad was gone till I got his SRB and saw all the embarkation slips. It didn't seem out of place while I was growing up, it was just how it was suppose to be.

It's hard to explain what it means to be a BRaT. We are different from kids who grow up with civilian fathers. I think we are lucky. The Corps is like a cacoon the enfolds us. I grew up mostly in base housing. There were always Marines around even when dad wasn't. That was special.

I've spent years dealing with issues I've had regarding my dad. The hardest thing I had to face was when I was talking to my therapist about feeling dad didn't love me. She asked me if I had told him I loved him. I hadn't. I should have. I hope he knew.

I wish you and your family the best for the Holidays. I feel blessed that my story has made a difference for you. Your kids must be very proud of you.

[firstsgtmike]

1st Sgt Trimmer

and all others deployed.

Way back when... .

My Okinawan wife did not read or write English. When I was deployed, we communicated via reel to reel tapes and a tape recorder.

When you try to fill a 30 minute tape, you express so much more than you would in a letter.

One side of the tape was "between us" the other side was her and my son showing off how he was learning to read and count.

"Mike, tell daddy, what is this?" "R", "and this?" "X". Later, it was him learning how to spell words.

My side to him was encouragement, admiration, and approval.

NO, it's not the same as being there, but to be honest, later, when I WAS there, there were times I was so engrossed and involved, that I didn't take as much undivided time to spend with him as I did on the tapes.

Looking back, I wonder if there were times he wished I was overseas again, so I would have more time to spend with him.

Someone once said that history is selective recollection, and someone else said that if we fail to learn from history, we are doomed to repeat it.

There are times I find it better to dwell on my mistakes, rather than my successes. I assume that my successes will repeat themselves, so I try to learn from my mistakes.

Just a thought I felt worth sharing.

[Sophora]

My parents bought two reel to reel tape recorders before dad went to Nam. They were the lastest technology, small and battery operated. Small is relative, about 8"X10'X4", but dad carried it with him and sent us tapes when ever he could. The tapes were like what you did firstsgtmike, one side for us kids the other private between my parents. Dad also packed ear plug so he could listen to the private parts. I found the tapes at 12 and boy was it embarassing to hear the other side. :eek: I wasn't sure what was being discussed but knew I better stop listening! :)

Letters were special too. Dad would write to each of us kids. I hadn't thought of it before firstsgtmike but you are right, I had better time with dad when he was gone, he had time for me. I knew he was thinking of me. I think it is easier to express feelings from a distance.

[trimmerjr]

mike and Soph, thank you for all your encouraging words and wisdom. Two more months I should be home, like you said mike, I will try hard to learn from my past mistakes. Then use that Knowledge to better my relationship with my family. I just need to redirect some of my energy to Positive thinking for the future.

Semper fi

[greensideout]

Bump---This is a must read for those starting out, those in the mist of it and those looking back. Thank you Janine.

[Osotogary]

Sophora,
Thank you for your post. I didn't need to read it but yet I did. Uncomfortable as it was it was still refreshing in its honesty. It opened up a few of the rooms in my head, pertaining to family matters, rooms that I knew were there but didn't want opened. But it was time. Thanks again and I hope your Tamales were tasteful and scrumptious.
Gary(osotogary)

[Lock-n-Load]

:marine: Dear Janine.....So happy for you, that your dad's SRB is now in your hands; in addition, you now see what he as a Marine was all about...none of us are perfect in this imperfect world...the SRB is the testament and heart and soul of each Marine...it's factual, concise and all revealing about the Marine...at retirement in civilian life you are lucky to get a watch...a Marine treasures their SRB and that's a whale of a story about what a real American [Marine] is all about...your dad's SRB will unfold anew at each reading of it...I'm happy you have it now...and keep your chin up, just like Dad did in all his combat forays...you had him all his life, that counts for something...Janine, you will always be a Marine to us....it took courage to go public...thank you, as I understand you better now...God bless. Christy-USMC FMF:marine:

[Sophora]

Daddy's With Me

by Janine Corbin 3/9/03

I wrote daddy a letter today.
He's in a place so far away.
I don't understand this thing called War,
But daddy's a Marine and an oath he swore.

I talked to daddy on the phone today,
After I finished my sentence "over" I'd say.
He's in a place so far away,
But he's with me too in a special way.

I showed daddy my Christmas dress today.
I ran to the camera so he could see.
Daddy's fighting a war to perserve our peace.
On Christmas Day, so far away.

Daddy came home from the war today.
I wore my best dress, he wore his dress greens.
I don't understand why people say he's bad.
He fights for our country and the American Flag.

I think of my daddy and I'm sad today.
What a child didn't see, I understand now.
A Marine came home from Nam that day,
But daddy was in a place so far away.

[MillRatUSMC]

Wars have a way of changing of one's character.
The war in Vietnam and the conduct of that war,
Left many with bitter feelings toward the government,
and the civilians that we saw lacking in support of our conduct of the war, we were fighting in their name.
Many sought relief from all the memories of that war, by drinking.
Many to an acess.
Many lash out in their bitterness.
I know many a day, he must haved prayed for relief from all the unhappiness he was causing.
We're happy that you were able to forgive your Dad.
His SRB will shed more light on his service before and after Vietnam.
The WHY of all that madness is what many are seeking to this day.
I like your Dad, came back bitter and drank far more than I should have.
You try to drown out screams in the night, as a young Marine was dying.
But it's does no good, they will be with me till the day of my closure to that war.
I tried to show, that your Dad conduct was a mirror of the conduct of many.

Semper Fidelis
Ricardo

[RichLundeen]

Janine. Mike, all,

Wow.

My 1st visit here, Janine, we had a bit of a discussion. Bisbee and my Marine friend Juan looking for our missing Marine friend, Dave.

You are quite a good person.

I'm going to better with my wonderful girl, Ella, now eight.

I've been hard on 'em both, over the years, so I'm gonna take to heart, the !st Sgt's admonishment / revelation; 'it's never too late'.

Semper Fi

Rich

[Sophora]

I found my kindegarden class photo when I was going through the boxes of papers and pictures when at mom's. We were stationed at K-Bay at the time and we were allowed to go to school barefooted. There I am literally front row center. I've spent a good part of yesterday and this morning looking at the photo.

The most striking thing about the photo is the diversity. My god! 1964 and you have black kids and hispanic and white and oriental all in the same room! We didn't see colors, we saw fellow Marine Brats, some Navy Brats, they were ok I reckon. We were Marine Brats, there in K-Bay, later in Le Jeune, and finally at Pax. No colors, the only culture, Marine. When I went to civilian school I learned about racism, about discrimination. It never made sense to me.

Things were different in Brat school. You could bet money that the kids you started class with, some would be gone at the end of the yr. Either they transfered or I did. Transfering was easy..You knew in advance if you were going, or what friends of yours were leaving. In K-Bay in 64 - 65 things were different. Our dad's were in Viet Nam. It became common to go to school and see a classmate missing. No one said anything, but we knew we would never see that kid again. We knew that his or her daddy had died and they would be going away forever. It was sad. It was hard to lose a friend. We'd miss them. We knew that it could happen to us. At 6-7 we knew what war was, we knew what death was. We were Marine Brats, we were special and we were proud of our daddies, we knew what they did was important. We just didn't know what they were doing, but knew they were serving their country. We hoped they wouldn't die. I stopped making friends. It hurt to much when they left. I didn't want to think of dead daddies. If I made a friend, and their daddy died I would lose them forever. If their daddy died I would be scared that my daddy could die.

We lived in base housing. Brats are kids. We play tag and hide-and-go seek. We roamed the neighborhood in packs. We rollerskated and rode bikes. We were kids. Sometimes an official car would turn up our street. We'd stop our play and stand together in a group. We didn't breath till the car passed our house. We looked at our friends. The car meant someone was going away, someone had lost their daddy. It hurt to lose a friend. It was sad to think of a friend with no daddy.

Mom would go visit the widow. Mom was the gunny's wife. I hear jokes about if the Marines wanted you to have a wife they would issue you one. The Marines needed wives. Career Marines needed wives. When dad was getting sent to Nam, mom was one of the few wifes that was notified in advance. The Corps needed her to help with the young wives. Mom went to the young women and consoled them when their husbands died. I bet mom was scared like me. Scared her Husband would die too. Mom had been a Marine. She knew the risks, she knew what was happening was important for the country and the Corps. Mom was a woman with 4 kids and one in the oven when dad shipped to Nam. Mom was brave. Mom was a Marine wife. Mom was a Gunny's wife. Mom helped the Corps take care of their own. Mom gave comfort to her brats. Who comforted mom?

[Sophora]

May 4th kindergarden class K-Bay

[Sophora]

Daddy

The more I learn of you the less I know.
You're not the man with whom I was grown.
You are a Marine,
but not to my brothers and me.
You are a Marine but a father I need.

I look at your pictures, your record I read.
but you weren't a father, the man I need.
I am your daughter,
why can't you see me?

You fought in your war
why can't you see mine?
I want you to love me
but you leave me behind.

You are my father,
the man I hold dear.
Because of our war
from you I learned fear.

I want to love you
as a child I know.
A Marine is someone
you never can know.

A Duty, an Honor
A Country to serve.
A family neglected,
what do they deserve?

I pray while your gone
I hope you return.
Life is uncertain,
but love for a father
is an ache and a burn.

You come home to me
but your hearts far away.
In a place where men died.
A place where you stayed.

For them and for you,
dear daddy I cry.
God bless the Marines
Can I say
Semper FI?

[Sophora]

I'm kinda hoping some of you guys are looking into this forum. I never realised how powerful it was till I started getting feedback from some hardcharging Marines in other locations where I posted it. The greatest honor I received was when one Marine forwarded my writings to Internatonal War Veterans' Poetry Archives and they were accepted even though my first writing wasn't a poem. International War Veterans' Poetry Archives

I have met others on Marine sites who are BRaTs from one service or another. We all share a bond, a part of the Military, yet only as a child can see it.

I've looked for BraT sites BRaT, Born Raised and Trained, and the only good one I found was a site you had to pay to post. I know web space cost and I know someone has to pay. there are Military sites like this one and so many more. They have places for Moms and Wives and other family, where are the Children???

There is a whole group of children today who are having to deal with their daddies going away to war. There are a whole group of children who saw their daddies going to Nam, and to Korea, and even some who's dad's went to WWII. Yet how do we reach the children today?

we need to be there for today's BRaTs, be they Marine, Army, Navy, or Air Force, there are children who need to understand what is war. Only we who are children of wars can truely help them. How can we? I was silent during Nam, let me speak today!


__________________
Janine Corbin

[MrCobb]

Sophora : Very touching , we loved our daughters always.

[Sophora]

Stop Crawling and stand on the little yellow footprints.
You're a Marine BRaT and it's time to get in line.
You will do what you are told, speak when spoken to
and behave in a way to bring Honor to your father and the Corps.

Stand on the little yellow footsteps, you're a Gunny's BRaT now.
Gunny is in Nam, it's time to take responsibility.
You have seven years in position, the young BRaTs need you.
You watch out for them, teach them the rules.
Now do your chores,
Mom needs help maintaining the quarters.
It's hard for her with a belly full of baby.

Stand on the little yellow footprints and check your dress.
Are your socks clean, your shoes polished. Sit and wait,
hush yer little brothers, remind them of the rules.
Gunny's coming home, we'll show him our best.
Stand back, your brothers are first, or are you afraid?

Sixteen years are enough footprints
The First Sargent is a bastard, I won't take it no more.
The Hell with being a BRaT, The Marine Corps made Marines.
It was a father I lacked, a man who saw me with pride.
I don't know how to love the man,
but I'll aways respect the Marine.

[Sophora]

Once again the child intrudes on you life. All you old farts have some maybe. You new farts have gleams in your eyes. Marines and other Arm Force members are dying today and leaving babes behind. Marines and other Arm Force are coming home from combat to their babes today. Lets give us children a voice. We have something to say. We have a world view that is different from what a civi kid knows. We know war in a different way from a civilian and from what our dad experiences. I watched the news reports of Nam when my dad was there. What do the children of Marines and our Arm Forces see today on the news?

God bless you all and Thank you all for your dedication to our country and our children.