Phantom Blooper
11-19-03, 08:09 PM
Yes, it's the one we've all been waiting for ... the Darwin Award
2003. The candidates have finally been released! For those not
familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the
person who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest
service by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As
always, competition again this year has been keen.
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on
his daily run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as
he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of
his skull as he hit the floor.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak
vest Berrena was wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
* In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off
a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing his skull.
* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and
his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite
blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP....
TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say, "
said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night."
"There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.
AND THE WINNER....
PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give
the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn
police detective Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one
of those freak accidents that "**** happens."Darwin Awards
2003. The candidates have finally been released! For those not
familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the
person who provided the Universal human gene pool the biggest
service by getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As
always, competition again this year has been keen.
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
* In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned
in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
* In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on
his daily run.
* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.
People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
* In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as
he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of
his skull as he hit the floor.
* According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak
vest Berrena was wearing.
* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
trigger.
* In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel
Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus
earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their
snowmobiles.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
* In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off
a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
fracturing his skull.
* In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and
his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite
blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
RUNNER UP....
TACOMA, WA
Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more
heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say, "
said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night."
"There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.
AND THE WINNER....
PADERBORN, GERMANY
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated
elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel
of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally
let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give
the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast
unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to
evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn
police detective Erik Dern. 'with no one there to help him, he lay
under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one
of those freak accidents that "**** happens."Darwin Awards