Hi everyone!

[Marinestepmom]

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...

My stepkid has now been at Cherry Point, NC for a few months and is working in logistics. So far, they've had him in the warehouse but he was told recently that he may be put behind a desk soon. He is hoping to make lance corporal soon so he's working hard, picking up extra hours when he can (like working the air show last weekend), and playing basketball and lacrosse with his staff sergeant. He seems to be doing well. I haven't been able to speak with him or text him as he won't return my texts. Bride unfriended me on Facebook about 4 months ago and got him to unfriend his best buddy since 4th grade. I am reasonably sure that she is behind his lack of response to my efforts. Not sure what happened there...

She moved down to NC almost 2 months ago. They got a brand-new apartment close to the beach. I'd mentioned some time ago that she bought a lot of new furniture. She didn't have it delivered (since she was still up here and they didn't have a place to live yet), and didn't pick it up until right before she moved. I guess she didn't explain the situation to the furniture store, because when she went to pick it up, they had sold it to someone else and she had to get different pieces.

My husband and my younger stepson are down there visiting him at present. They now have 2 vehicles (her new car that she bought last fall and also a truck that they recently bought) and apparently have decided that the apartment is too expensive. When I spoke with my husband earlier today, bride was meeting with a realtor to go look at houses. I'm not sure how they're going to buy a house when they have limited credit profiles, 2 vehicle payments, lots of credit-card debt, and she isn't working--aside from the fact that a house is way more expensive than renting an apartment (plus they will be breaking a lease--more money out the window). The other issue, of course, is that military life is transient, so what happens when he is assigned to another area? For that matter, he said he's been told that he will be deployed to Africa, no idea when.

It seemed that stepkid was making great progress in the maturity/wisdom/common sense departments (thank you, Marines), but he backslides when he's around her. I know there's nothing I can do about this, especially since he's too stubborn to listen anyway. As I said awhile ago, it's really tough to stand back and watch your kid screw up. I smell the coming implosion but hope that he learns some valuable lessons from all of this.

Balloon-heads abound...

[irpat54]

wow, it stinks not being able to throttle them sometimes and shake them to see if the brains loosen up,,lol,, but i guess you just have to wait it out and be there if it fall apart for a little moral support,,

[m14ed]

Maybe your stepson will learn.
Bigtime list of things to look for in an ideal partner.

the kid's "P -whipped" bigtime it sounds to me.
That'll teach him.......................................


-next time- !

[Old Marine]

Sounds a though this Marine would rather learn through the school of hard knocks as far as debt goes in the Corps. If it ever comes down to letters of indebtness being sent to his command, hope he does not blame it on her. If he does I'm sure he will be told that the Corps did not tell him to aquire said wifey and he will be in deep doo-doo. Sounds to me like he is trying to put 50 pounds in that 10 pound bag.

[joe mccormick 3]

good luck getting thru to him Ill say a prayer for you

[Apache]

As a parental unit----
Sometimes ya gotta let em fall so they can learn(hopefully)

They're always your little ones----

Be there and pick em up the first time
After that ---Thier problem

[bodidly58]

Apache is right! A parent can neither take the blame nor credit for how their children present themselves as adults. All they can do is point them in the right direction and hope for the best, morally. A bailout may be necessary at times, as long as it isn't dependency......There are people locked up who came from pillars of the community as well as pillars of the community may have came from broken homes, abusive and/or alcoholic parents. This young man may be in for a hard lesson.....coming from someone with prior experience...You can talk to him, but at this point, it won't do any good...

[spotts]

I smell a couple page 11's or an NJP in his future for bouncing checks,,,

[Marinestepmom]

When my husband got back from NC, he told me that the house purchase was her idea and that stepkid wasn't thrilled about it because he was trying to save money. Then this past Monday, he told me that they take possession of the house by July 1st. So they must have already been approved for the mortgage before last week...I am a mortgage underwriter myself and know how long approvals can take, so this must've been started some time ago. I told husband that this is about the stupidest thing they can do since they're already up to their ears in debt. An argument ensued...I understand he wants his son to be happy, but a reality check is really needed here.

This evening, he told me that he wants to go back down to help them move into the house and asked if I wanted to go with him. I said I didn't and the whole thing was stupid. He got mad again, so I took the dog on a long walk to avoid banging my head against the wall.

I see exactly how this is going to play out. She is all about 'stuff', as in how much his salary can buy. When the real financial trouble starts, she'll be out of there so fast it'll make his head spin. I am predicting this will occur within the next two years. He will be hurt, but hopefully he will be so gun-shy from the whole experience that he won't think about getting involved with someone for a long time--at lest until he's old enough and mature enough to truly know what he's getting into and knows the girl and her family for at least a few years before traveling that road again.

One consolation is that her financial credibility will be trashed as well.

My husband needs to come back to the real world...

[Tennessee Top]

Sad situation but all too common. I remember when I was his age, young, dumb, and "in love". Didn't listen to anybody either when they told me my Nicaraguan bride was just looking for a green card. Turned out, they were right and she didn't waste any time dumping me for Jody the very first time I deployed overseas. Been too gun shy since to try my luck at love again. Had to learn my lesson the hard way just like your stepson will.

[mexbearlll]

Well Apache and Spotts are both right... At lest you can blow-off steam here and have people listen to you,but you might want to talk to your husband carefully about this,cuz it will effect you two, sorry to say but thats bring a parent...

[DrZ]

Sometimes.... you just have to do what I did with my kids. Stand back, shake your head, and wait for them to fall on their butts. Has she thought about what is going to happen when he deploys? Probably not. That is going to take a bite out of the available ca$h.

You and Hubby can do nothing until he is ready to tell little Ms Millions that ca$h grows tight and our debt load keep growing. Knock off the buying!

Good luck.

[Marinestepmom]

Pardon me for being ignorant, but what are 'page 11s' and 'NJP'?

[Marinestepmom]

Husband and I ended up in a MAJOR fight this past Thursday evening because of stepkid's actions...I didn't get any sleep and left for work Friday morning without speaking a word to him, but I'd left him a very long note telling him exactly how I feel about bride, her family (especially her mother), the marriage, the current situation, and what is going to happen in the not-too-distant future. (I find it easier to write than speak because I can organize my thoughts and ensure I cover all bullet points without getting emotional or raising my voice.) I worked late Friday to avoid dealing with him, but we patched things up (sort of) later that night. I think my husband has a blind spot when it comes to his kids...understandable, but sometimes he needs to 'man-up'. I don't think it would do any good in stepkid's situation. He'll have to fall flat on his face before he learns anything in this. The sad thing is, my husband and I have argued and fought more in the past year or so than we had in the 14 previous years (before bride came into the picture).

I found out that bride started an online jewelry business about a month ago with another Marine wife. They buy beads and military charms and make bracelets and belly rings. The other girl's husband is also a PFC in logistics, and guess who he works with? Stepkid can't stand him...apparently he's lazy and stepkid is picking up the slack. I'm guessing the outcome on this one as well...there will be words (or worse) between stepkid and this other guy, whose wife will naturally take her husband's side, and that will be the end of the jewelry enterprise.

And the beat goes on...

[mexbearlll]

After Captain's Mast which is an administrative discipline action. A corrective action entry on his page11 in his SRB. In other words He's brought on the carpet and is chew out over something he did by his CO and it is put in his record book...You don't want any page 11's or NJP'S on your record book... it hurts when promotion time...

[mexbearlll]

Glad you and husband kind of worked it out, as I said before at lest you can come here and vent to those who know how military life is. Oh MY 17 year old goes to MEPS tomorrow and his girl is already having problems about ...LOL... KIDS

[bodidly58]

:flag:
Pardon me for being ignorant, but what are 'page 11s' and 'NJP'?
Page 11 in the SRB is where all the bad things you do get recorded. Page 12 is the awards, promotions, etc. (The good stuff) NJP= Non-judicial punishment, in other words, tried by your company commander, handled by the company commander and stays with the military when you return to civilian life.

[Marinestepmom]

Hi again...stepkid and bride were supposed to close on their house yesterday. I haven't heard anything about it other than bits of a phone conversation my husband had with stepkid on Sunday. Husband said something like 'Tomorrow's your big day', but this was followed by a pause and an 'Oh,,,well, that's cool', so I don't know whether the closing happened or not. Bride was attacked by a stray dog a couple weeks ago when she was out walking their two dogs. No collar on the stray, and it disappeared after leaving one of its teeth in her arm. Apparently nobody knew who it belonged to, so bride had to get the full round of rabies shots. I guess her arm was out of commission for awhile but is slowly healing. Stepkid is coming home for the month of July. He got a position up here to work with a recruiter which I guess will count toward his promotion to lance corporal. Bride is also coming up because her grandmother has been diagnosed with breast cancer and bride wants to visit with her. I don't know where stepkid and bride will be staying since they're not getting along with her parents and will have both dogs with them.

If they did close on the house and will have it locked up until they go back down at the end of July, they might find a moldy surprise, courtesy of the North Carolina heat and humidity. Ick. Glad it's not my house.

Of course, this means that I will have to see bride at some point during their stay--something I really don't want to do. I may find it difficult to keep my opinions to myself...any suggestions?

[m14ed]

Hi again...stepkid's Bride was attacked by a stray dog a couple weeks ago when she was out walking their two dogs.
so bride had to get the full round of rabies shots. I guess her arm was out of commission for awhile .

Stepkid is coming home for the month of July.
Bride is also coming up
I don't know where stepkid and bride will be staying since they're not getting along with her parents and will have both dogs with them.

Of course, this means that I will have to see bride at some point during their stay-
-something I really don't want to do.

I may find it difficult to keep my opinions to myself..

any suggestions?

We knew this was going to be like one of the OLD TIME SoapOperas.....


titillating (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/titillating)








You'll do ok with it MSM....
IF you were one of us old
farts on here,
We'd figure you'd bring along
plenty of gasoline to toss onto
the fire once it got going....

Your StepSon probibly needs all the shoulder he can find to lean on right now...
Probibly well to expect your husband to
be a little distracted while the stepson is
on recruiters assistant....

You may not be in the *hit,
but i bettcha you'll be close
enough to smell it......

Good Luck Woman

[Old Marine]

Dear Abby seems to be alive and well.

[Marinemom32]

Pardon me for being ignorant, but what are 'page 11s' and 'NJP'?

NJP is a non judicial punishment. Normally pay gets docked, and depending on what happened, you can get demoted, put on restirction, just depends on the crime. From what my son tells me now, if you have any NJP's on your record when it is time to reinlist, they will not want you anymore.

[spotts]

This kid is doomed between the wife and the stepmom

[Old Marine]

This kid is doomed between the wife and the stepmom
:thumbup:

Not even a shadow of doubt in my military mind.

[Hayden]

Hi Everyone!
I know I'm about to seem like a real jerk to some people...
I’m a long time lurker, but I just had to add my 2 cents here. My son is a PFC right now at Cherry Point. Fortunately he is a cheap skate, and he’s not married. He does how ever have a new Motorcycle and a girlfriend. (She’s also a Marine, and also a cheap stake.) Of course, I approved the purchase of his bike, because he needed to start building credit. (I also like the girlfriend, which is surpising.)
My husband, (his step dad) on the other hand, was strongly against the purchase. Not because my son isn’t an experienced rider, he is, but because as we all know a PFC is not making mad money.
Sure… But in my opinion, $160 a month isn’t going to kill my son. And it’s his business!
Sadly, for way too long my husband just didn’t want to let it go. It was like he had jumped on the complaint train and it was taking him nowhere fast.
So, I told my loving hubby… While his irritation was somewhat understandable, he was seriously ticking me off. And given the choice as to who I am going to back up on a decision, so long as it wasn’t something that would land my kid in jail or ruin his future, my child will always win. If it was a life destroying choice, I would prefer my husband to either stay out of it, or back me up without trying to add fuel to the fire. After all, everyone makes mistakes, it’s how we learn…
Please don’t get me wrong, I understand that a new spouse stepping up to the plate and mucking everything up can be frustrating. (I’m currently enjoying that experience with my daughter and her “entitled” husband.) BUT I look at it this way… It’s not like my kids have learning disabilities, and they are adults now, no matter if I like it or not. For my daughter’s situation, (a much closer comparison to what you’re dealing with,) all I can do is tell her that while I don’t agree, I’ll do my best to help her and her hubby out if they need me. Help, not save, in other words, if they make a mess and I’ll show up with a broom for each of them but I’m not cleaning… And if my hubby doesn’t like that… He can kiss my a**.
It’s all about picking your battles…
-H

[Old Marine]

A little story about motorcycles. Many years ago I used to visit the Naval Hospital, San Diego and pay Recruits who were admitted there. I was on the ward one day a there were a great number of young men in traction on legs and arms. I asked the corpsman if these men had returned from the NAM and he laughed and said they were mostly from riding bikes. Drivers of cars do not see motorcycles and thus the rider ends up in traction. It really does not matter how good of rider he is. (Side note: I have a very good friend who was a professional AMA rider and rode everything he could get his hands on, but would never ride on the street because he said it was much too dangerous.

[Tennessee Top]

Understandable you like the GF; she IS a Marine afterall so what's not to like.

For a mother to approve her son buying a bike (just to build credit) is stupid and you better pray you do not regret that decision later. Like Old Marine says it doesn't make a difference how experienced you are. Bikes do not have seat belts and car drivers look right through them (because they are looking for another car and not a motorcycle). I know this from riding myself years ago when I was a young Marine who did not know any better.

For the last 15 years, I have been working in a level 1 trauma center (only one in East TN). You can believe this or not but not one person I know of who works here rides a bike; and there is a reason (we are not dumb). Me personally, I'll never get back on one because they are killing machines. One thing Old Marine said I disagree with is they end up in traction; they don't end up in traction, they end up brain dead (or worse). Almost all of their biker friends/family talk about how experienced they were and what a safe driver they were while they are making funeral arrangements. We have a biker in our unit right now who did absolutely nothing wrong; he was stopped at a stop sign and the car behind him plowed him over (prognosis is poor and even if he does live he'll be a quadraplegic). Believe me, if you could see what I've seen, you would insist your son sell that bike ASAP and never get on it again. I sincerely believe, his chances of dying on the street are greater than if he were in a combat zone in Afghanistan today (because he would have his brother Marines protecting him there but there is absolutely zero protection on a bike). You made a big error in judgement mom and your mother's instincts should've known better.

[advanced]

On the other hand I've been riding motorcycles since 1961, you might call me experienced. There's nothing like being on a bike to clear your head, we call it being in the wind. The companionship with other vet's is also a very large part of the experience.

I personally lose friends every year as a result of their being run over by a "cage". Maybe riding is part of the trill, the danger, but it's also part of the freedom that you can only get from being in the open air. Many of us Nam vet's ride and we do not see it as a danger, maybe we compare it to our experience in the Nam. My name should have been on the wall from 1968, but I've always been lucky that way. Or it might be from all the years as a cop going into those holdups, shootings, high speed car chases and taking out all those barricaded suspects while with the TACT squad. I'll ride my Indian till I die, so be it.

Stepmom, don't worry about your son. As soon as he goes overseas on his first deployment sounds like he'll get a dear John letter and the situation will take care of itself. I was one of the unlucky ones that did not receive such a letter, let's see, that was 4 wives ago. Just saying.

[Hayden]

Wow! I didn't mean to highjack the thread because I'm ok with my son riding a motorcycle, and have been since he was 16 and I taught him how to ride... My husband and I have both been riding for well over 20 years. Thank God neither of us have ever had a serious accident. (He laid his down once and got a bit of road rash, but the bike suffered a lot more.) Even so, it wasn't about the bike, it was about the money... I'm not oblivious to the risks. I actually ran as a medic for most of my adult life and have seen all sorts of bad things happen to good people, a biker decapitated after he slid under a truck, a little girl who fell off her scooter and suffered a traumatic brain injury, a little boy walking out of McDonald's with his grand-mother when he was crushed to death because a new driver slammed into him after her foot slipped off the brake. I could go on and on, after all life in general is not a safe place... My son knows the risks and he knows show boating, or not paying attention will get him hurt or killed. I know it too.And if that risk is what makes his life more enjoyable, well, maybe I am a bad mother, after all on occasion I took my children to McDonald's too... My point was, as a step parent you really need to be careful and let the actual parent take the stand that they wish to take. It's not easy, but it's the only way to have a good relationship with your spouse. At least that has been my personal experience.

[Marinestepmom]

A comment on the motorcycle discussion--here in Michigan, a law was passed recently which allows motorcyclists to ride without wearing helmets. In my opinion, this is the ultimate foolishness, given that a bike can be much more dangerous than a car. (There has already been at least one fatality of a helmetless rider since the law passed.)

Now, on to the main topic...stepkid and bride are leaving today for their month's stay up here, along with dogs, etc. Supposedly, they will be staying with her parents. (This could get really interesting.) The closing on the house had been re-scheduled to take place this past Thursday...don't know whether it happened or not. What I do know is that the lovely tropical storm Debby was headed towards the Carolina coast and will probably dump a fair quantity of rain as she passes through. Here's the equation: Stepkid and bride close on the house, then lock it up for a month because they'll be in Michigan. Meanwhile, Debby does NC, leaves lots of moisture behind, and, coupled with the NC summer heat and humidity, turns the house into a giant Petri dish with a bumper crop of mold and mildew happily percolating along. Stepkid and bride come home to a huge smelly (and possibly dangerous) mess. The costs of owning your own home start to sink in and pretty soon there's trouble brewing in the henhouse.

My prediction: over the course of the next 1-2 years, financial issues rear their ugly heads; stepkid gets deployed; bride becomes bored, begins fooling around, and gets pregnant; stepkid comes home to the mess; foreclosure and bankruptcy (or close) follow shortly; bride leaves because the fun and money are done; and stepkid gets divorced.

I was actually having mini panic attacks over what I see for the near future, but I now realize that stepkid is going to do what he's going to do no matter what anyone says and that this sad situation will actually be one of the biggest, most important lessons of his life. I would be impeding his growth if I stepped in...so let the chips fall where they may, and let stepkid fall on his head.

I just don't know how my husband will deal with all of it...

[tommielynn]

I just don't know how my husband will deal with all of it...

I came to the site today to ask a question, but after reading this saga, I felt I had to respond. You don't seem worried, you seem angry. Yes, your "stepkid" might fail, he probably will, but good night, why don't you try encouragment instead of bitterness. Your husband would probably be able to deal with it a lot easier with your support. If my husband EVER talked to or about my Marine they way you do, his @ss would be history.

I would encourage you to try and work through your anger issues, it seems very unhealthy for the entire family.

Hope things improve for you.

p.s. I live in Texas where it is extremely humid, houses that are vacant for a couple of weeks or months don't just "mold-over". You can at least take that off your list.

[Gunstream]

This is just one obnoxious, hard-headed 28 year old's opinion, but if you have any relationship with your step-son remaining, you're destined to kill it off. I can't wrap my head around why you're so meddlesome in the first place? It is his life, and his mistakes to make. Even still, we're all presuming these are all huge mistakes. I get the impression you're hoping he'll fall flat on his face, so you'll get the satisfaction of gloating about being right. You do, after all, want everything to work out perfectly for him, right?

Furthermore, why are you imposing your goals on his life? His wife is going to blow all his money on things they can't afford. So what? That's the relationship dynamic of 75% of the Marines I know, and most of them are about as giddy as a pig in ****. Has it occurred to you that your idea of a critical mistake is his idea of a job well done? Maybe it makes him happy providing things for her?

Even still, he's a grown adult, with a government job, that pulls a regular salary, and provides a place to live that's independent of your reign. You have practically no power to control these types of decisions, and I can almost gaurantee that your best efforts will have the exact opposite effects. Young males are obstinate. Young Marines are worse. So why don't you try to be supportive wherever possible, and be the bigger person if he does happen to fall on his face. You are an entire generation older than him? Underhandedly blasting his wife on the internet and critiquing everything he's doing in his life are prime examples of "weapons of the weak." He's a United States Marine. I gaurantee there are young men who are on way worse tracks...

[Gunstream]

Thank you to whoever just deleted my post. I'm assuming it got deleted not by the quality of the content it contained (which was just fine), but on the premise that I'm not a Marine and subsequently shouldn't have any say-so in this forum. The problem is, I am a Marine. The bigger problem seems to be that there is no effective moderation on this forum that can change my status to reflect being a Marine.

Anyway... I'm done hijacking now. Carry on.

[Marinestepmom]

Okay...who is 'tommielynn' and what seems to be the problem here? My profile is completely filled out, so this can't be directed at me...

[Marinestepmom]

Me again...stepkid and bride did close on their house last Wednesday. They moved in Wednesday night and then left on Saturday to drive up to Michigan, dogs in tow. They arrived at her parents' house at 4 am Sunday morning, completely unannounced. (I guess they forgot to tell her parents they were coming.) Anyway, since then, one of their dogs made a snack out of a couch...don't think that went over very well with the adults. (Oh, wait, I guess stepkid and bride are supposed to be adults as well...) Anyway, we saw them for a short time today. Stepkid looks good, bride looks fat--same as when I saw them last. (Bride needs someone to tell her that short shorts with the waistband rolled down is NOT a good look when you're about 80 lbs. overweight. Meow!!) They left the house in NC closed up with no A/C on, and they don't know if they have a dehumidifier, so it could be ugly when they get back down...more later.

[m14ed]

Let's help you out MSM





Me again...stepkid and bride did close on their house last Wednesday. They moved in Wednesday night and then left on Saturday (Now they dont qualify as Trailer Trash)to drive up to Michigan, dogs in tow.(Step-son with MrsDog, and two POOCHES)
They arrived at her parents' house at 4 am Sunday morning, completely unannounced. (I guess they forgot to tell her parents they were coming.)(Aren't you glad they didn't ask to stay at yours )
Anyway,,
since then, one of their dogs made a snack out of a couch...( Thats Good News/Bad News Split 50/50 ) couches are a lot of FIBER Value, but almost NO Protien too costly to use for steady diet for either of the 3 dogs = Sonnys' wife included ,,,,DON"T MIND IF I CALL HIM SONNY DO YOU ????
don't think that went over very well with the adults.

(Oh, ,
wait, I guess stepkid and bride are supposed to be adults as well...)
Anyway, we saw them for a short time today. ,
Stepkid looks good, ,
bride looks fat--(In all probability IS FAT )same as when I saw them last. (Bride needs someone to tell her that short shorts with the waistband rolled down is NOT a good look when you're about 80 lbs. overweight. Meow!!)
( Tell her of the new SPACE AGE material called SPANDEX= save her some money in the long run most likely)
They left the house in NC closed up with no A/C on, and they don't know if they have a dehumidifier, so it could be ugly when they get back down...more later.
( NO Worry,,,,= Trailers are more portable and less expensive) (But have a tendency to attract tornados though)


You should make amends with "Sonnys wife",,,Big boxes of cookies as Peace Offerings, maybe some
candy too,,,,Maybe Sonnys' love muffin will explode
and save Sonny a bundle.
BUT WE KNOW better

Love's blind, but lust is sometimes just as expensive..

good news is, at least it doesn't sound like the "Evential childrens " "Family Tree" is going to have
Vertical branches..

What's the chance of posting a "Family PIC"??

[Marinestepmom]

And I thought I was being catty!! DOUBLE Meow!!

I got an up-close and personal look at their house on Google Maps today. It IS a cute house...but I did some fact-checking (since I'm in the mortgage business, I have access to a lot of information that is unavailable to the average Joe), and discovered that their annual property taxes are about 2 1/2 times what they told my husband; and that what they thought would be their monthly payment is just principal and interest--no property taxes, homeowner's insurance premium, flood insurance premium, or hurricane insurance premium...factor in what they'll likely be paying in utilities monthly (especially A/C--after all, it IS North Carolina), plus normal maintenance, and I'm guessing a total of somewhere between $1000 and $2000 per month. This is almost stepkid's entire take-home pay.

Just because you CAN do some things doesn't mean you SHOULD do them. I guess they'll have to wake up and smell the foreclosure sometime in the not-so-distant future. I would love to spare him from all of this, but it's too late--and he needs to learn this lesson.

BTW--no 'family portraits'. I do have a framed photo of stepkid in his dress blues (the official 'graduation picture') on my desk at work, but that's it.

[m14ed]

And I thought I was being catty!! ,

DOUBLE Meow!!


And "Cranky too"

We said this is gonna turn into a "Soap Opera"...
Didn't say we couldn't have fun with it.

Now to sit back and wait for other comments
about how cruel I am/ We are, chuckle...

Life's Cold, and Hard,
especially so when you're stupid,

Sonny may live a long and happy life.
and may well make all the mistakes
on his own...

Here's wishing him better than what
the outlook appears to predict.

Keep us informed

[bodidly58]

Probably 'Tommielyn' didn't have their profile properly filled in....Otherwise.....You are doing the right thing by accepting the things you cannot change......Stepkid, here has to make his own footprints, even tho they may not be in the direction you want. Who knows what fate awaits them....My older brother married a 16 year old German local when he was stationed there in 1960(?). He was 21....created quite a stir, from what I heard about it.................Today, with three grown children and as many grandchildren, they celebrated their 50th not long ago! Sometimes things DO work out for the better even though it doesn't seem so in the beginning...Good luck!

[Marinestepmom]

Things were a lot different 50 years ago...I'm happy that things turned out so well for your brother. My stepson went into the Marines less than a year ago at the age of 22 (a week after his birthday) chronologically, but emotionally, he was more like 17 due to his ADD and his mom's overprotectiveness. Bride was only his second girlfriend. He has been ruled by women his entire life; in fact, when he was little, his female cousin (who is a year younger) always called the shots when they played together, which was often. She would tell him what to do and he would comply without question. His mother is very controlling, as was his first girlfriend and her mother. Bride and her mother are similarly controlling.

I know for a fact that the home purchase was bride's idea. Stepkid is not thinking with the head that is on his shoulders (sorry, guys) which is typical of an immature young man. My husband visited them in May and told me that stepkid becomes a Marine when he dons the clothing but at home is still the same as he was before he went in.

I've known stepkid since he was seven years old, so I believe I am pretty good at what makes him tick. He is one of those people who can't see the forest for the trees until he stumbles over an exposed root and falls on his face. Bride is 'daddy's little girl' and 'grandpa's little girl' and is used to getting what she wants from men, and it almost always involves spending money. I don't think either of them realizes that buying a house is not like buying a dishwasher. You can't return it for a refund if something goes wrong, and it's always WAY more expensive than most first-time purchasers realize. I was an exception to this when hubby and I bought our house 11 years ago, but that's because I was (and still am) in the mortgage business. Home ownership is a huge, expensive, long-term commitment that is not to be entered in lightly--a foolish purchase especially for a young immature person who has been in the Marines for less than a year and will likely be moved around several times before his 4 years are up. (He's already talking about re-enlisting.)

Don't get me wrong--I love my stepson and am very proud that he made the decision to become a Marine. I just wish that he had more maturity and common sense when it comes to making choices involving his personal life.

[bodidly58]

Less than a year active service and already 'buying' a house? You can bet your sweet bippy he will receive orders for overseas before his tour is up..... Then what? If Asia, will he take the 1 year and leave bride in their new home alone? (Maybe not alone long....) Or take an accompanied tour and leave house alone for three tears? If Europe, then what? Will she expect to tag along to call the shots if he has to take a combat tour? Will they buy a new house at each duty station if he reinlists? I see a whole lot of problems here! I, personally, am in the exact OPPOSITE situation...My daughter is married to a career Naval Officer who will most likely pull 30 since 20 is coming up and they are excited about going back to Hawaii for another tour. Contrary to stepsons situation, both my daughter and son-in-law have good intentions and won't buy a house until much later, even tho they pay out the kazoo for rent! I am fortunate that I do not have to worry about their decision making and how it affects my grandchildren. You, on the other hand have plenty reason to worry! Sounds like stepson needs to grow a pair and call a shot or two to see if bride will let him..... Good luck!

[Marinestepmom]

Bride will not be able to accompany him on an overseas deployment because she bought stepkid a Husky-Border collie puppy right before he left for boot camp (birthday present). A couple of months ago, they acquired a second dog--a Husky-Border collie-German shepherd-bloodhound mix who is now 5 months old and is showing signs of becoming a small pony. (In other words, he's going to be a big dog.) If bride were to accompany him on his deployment, either the dogs would be quarantined or they'd have to find someone to take care of them. Neither one of these is a good option, so bride would stay home. (I don't know if you've been following the posts back from my original thread beginning in April 2011, but bride was not even 19 years old when stepkid proposed. They'd known each other for about 2 months. When we found out that he'd proposed, she already had her ring and a dress and her mom had the whole thing completely planned out. Can you say 'Take my daughter--please?')

My younger stepson (who is far more mature than his brother) does stand-up comedy and had a couple shows in the area where stepkid lives, so he stayed at their house for 2 nights. They had left the doors open while they moved in (which was only 3 days before they came up here for the month), and apparently several mosquitoes took up residence in the process. Well, they locked up the house and nature took its course as an incubator for little baby mosquitoes. When Younger Brother arrived, he was met by a cloud of the hungry pests and had to spray. He said he didn't get all of them, and he's back up here now, so the house will be closed up for the rest of the month and more mosquitoes will ensue.

[Marinestepmom]

Hi again--well, stepkid and bride went back down to NC on the last weekend of July. He didn't accomplish what he came up here for...he was supposed to sign up at least 2 new recruits and this would count toward his becoming a lance corporal. (I think he also wanted to keep an eye on bride, since she planned her trip up here a couple of months ago). He wasn't able to recruit anybody, so he hasn't gotten his promotion yet.

My husband spoke with stepkid the day after they got back down to NC, and he didn't mention anything about the 8th plague of Egypt (mosquitoes) that apparently had been breeding while the house was locked up. (Maybe they all died since there was no human flesh available upon which to feed.) Anyway, stepkid and bride were outside while hubby was on the phone, and bride said that she'd slammed her finger in the car door that day and thought it was broken. She also had cut her foot, and while stepkid was talking with his dad, bride dropped a gallon of milk on her other foot. (And I thought I was a klutz.) Bride still hasn't gotten a job but was supposed to start looking for one this week. (She hasn't worked in over 6 months.) My feeling is that all the minor injuries she is incurring are a subconscious effort to avoid having to work. Bride is used to the men in her life taking care of her, so she seems not overly eager to find a job--plus her work experience consists of a part-time job in a bowling alley and a temp clerical job for a few months (she got fired from that one). Not much in the way of experience or skills...

I found out that stepkid and bride's mortgage on their house is for more than the sales price, so they obviously didn't have any of their own money to put toward the purchase. I know they got a VA mortgage but don't know what the interest rate is. I do know that they have flood insurance and hurricane insurance besides the standard homeowner's insurance. I don't see how they can afford this for long...

They haven't had to buy any lawn equipment so far because her cousin gave them a barely-used mower and my husband gave them a blower and a trimmer. All of these have been shipped down at my husband's expense. Am I wrong in being annoyed at this? I think that, since they feel they can afford this house, that they should have to buy/pay for everything like the rest of us. (For the record, while they were up here, they called up my husband more than once and asked him to take them out to lunch--and not at a coney island, either. Stepkid makes more money than my husband but I guess he feels that Daddy should still pay.)

He called up the other night because apparently the cord for their clothes dryer had something wrong, so he bought a new cord and was asking my husband how to connect it. Hubby told him to call an appliance repairman rather than try to do it himself. Stepkid also said that the dryer was vented into their attic rather than outside, which sounds dangerous to me. He told his dad that calling an appliance guy would be expensive, to which my husband said, 'Welcome to homeownership.'

I think stepkid is trying to buy a new dryer rather than get the old one fixed.

I know I'm being catty and complaining, but I've had a very bad feeling over the whole situation since the day that stepkid said he was getting married. I see major storm clouds piling up and can hear thunder in the distance, but either my husband is oblivious or he's just hoping the situation will resolve itself. The bad thing is that I can't talk to him about how I feel without it turning into a huge argument. But every time I hear stepkid's name in any kind of conjunction with bride (or her family), I get a panicky feeling inside.

Have any of you experienced this before? I need a guy's opinion.

[m14ed]

Hi again

--well, stepkid and bride went back down to NC

start looking for one this week. (She hasn't worked in over 6 months.) My feeling is that all the


He called up the other night because apparently the cord for their clothes dryer had something wrong,

so he bought a new cord and was asking my husband how to connect it.

Hubby told him to call an appliance repairman rather than try to do it himself.
Doesn't Sonny have a computer, have him look
on EHOW ? what ever ,,,, Doesn't need much to
change it,,,,BASIC Tools

Stepkid also said that the dryer was vented into their attic rather than outside,
which sounds dangerous to me. ,
( Distructive to the Dwelling in the long run)

He told his dad that calling an appliance guy would be expensive,

my husband said, 'Welcome to homeownership.'

I think stepkid is trying to buy a new dryer rather than get the old one fixed.
he's just hoping the situation will resolve itself.
Fixing that problem isn't all that difficult ,,minor repair, just unplug the cord from the wall before
"SONNY" starts into the dryer !!! shouldn't take longer than ten to fifteen miniutes to do it.

The bad thing is that I can't talk to him about how I feel without it turning into a huge argument. But every time I hear stepkid's name in any kind of conjunction with bride (or her family), I get a panicky feeling inside.

Have any of you experienced this before? I need a guy's opinion.




MSM

Sounds like HUBBY is letting go a little..Give him support i guess we wouldn't want to change shoes ???

Tell SONNY and the "BRIDE" to use their computer/ find answers to the obvious.

IF it helps, tell HUBBY to tell SONNY, "m14ed" has maintained the same GE Dryer for the past 40 years/had it since we got married and it'll outlive me if i have anything to say about it.

Hang in there MSM

[Old Marine]

Maybe you could get the family together and everyone go on the Dr. Phil Show. Familys are always airing their dirty laundry on that show and get paid for it also.

[Gunstream]

I feel really sorry for your stepson. Not because he married some land leviathon, or because he bought a house he can't afford, or even because his world will be turned upside down when he's sent overseas and everything falls apart. I feel sorry for him because you air his dirty laundry all over the internet. We all have problems. At least my mother doesn't broadcast mine to everyone.

On a bright note (for me), he still seems to be devoted to a woman that makes your skin crawl. That makes me happy.

[Old Marine]

Believe it or not your step son is a Marine now and sounds like he is going to the school of hard knocks. If he is any kind of Marine he will survive and become a contributing citizen to the community. He no longer needs help from his step mom.

[Marinestepmom]

Okay, I will eat my humble pie now. It does not taste good, but I need it.

In reply to some of you that have responded to my last post, you must have not been following the previous posts or you would have realized a few things here: 1. Outside of being a Marine, my stepson is extremely immature for several reasons that are not his fault. 2. Bride was only his second girlfriend. He proposed to her after knowing her for 2 months. She was not even 19 years old at the time and less than a year out of high school. They barely knew each other; she is a spoiled 'daddy's girl' and her mother couldn't get her out of the house and on someone else's expense account fast enough. They were married within 6 months of the proposal but her mother encouraged my stepson to move in with them and sleep with bride 5 months before the wedding. He was not raised this way and I cannot fathom how any mother who truly cared about her daughter would do this. The wedding itself was put together in haste and was a fiasco.

In a nutshell, my stepson was too immature and inexperienced to have any clue about what he was getting himself into, and his bride is also very immature and seems to be 'playing house'. They have incurred a boatload of debt (besides the house) and are rapidly getting in over their heads. They don't seem to know when to stop, and he hasn't had his first deployment yet. I can see nothing good coming out of any of this.

I love my stepson and have not uttered one word to him or bride regarding my feelings about the situation. I am friendly toward her when they are around as I don't wish to risk alienating my stepson. I think he is in for some very difficult and heartbreaking lessons that will ultimately make him stronger and smarter, but I hate to see him go through the necessary pain.

I suppose I have gone too far in expressing my abhorrence of the situation. I will go away now.

[Gunstream]

Were you going to eat your humble pie before or after you nitpicked your stepson's life again? I don't suspect that anyone here is telling you to go away, but I can't fathom how this is productive or does anything to help any of his situations.

Besides, there's an old saying that holds true in this situation. "Sh!t stinks, but it makes things grow." I can assure you that nothing you've expressed about your stepson is any worse than many of the mistakes I made at his age, but I made them nonetheless and am still standing today.

[Marinestepmom]

And I hope he is still standing as well.

I guess these are lessons that he will need to learn on his own. I wish he had made better choices (excluding becoming a Marine, of course--that was one of the smartest things he's ever done so far) but making bad decisions and then dealing with the consequences is part of growing up. I have done some truly regrettable things in my life as well but learned something each time.

So far, other than boot camp, he does not appear to have been truly challenged outside of his comfort zone. I know that's coming (deployment), and I have a feeling that this is when his domestic situation will start to come apart at the seams. I just hope it doesn't interfere with the true task at hand of being a Marine.

[m14ed]

[QUOTE=Gunstream;870510]

Were you going to eat your humble pie ,
before or ,
after you nitpicked your stepson's life again?

I don't suspect that anyone here is telling you to go away, ,
but I can't fathom how this is productive or does ,
anything to help any of his situations.

Besides, there's an old saying that holds true in this situation. ,
"Sh!t stinks, ,
but it makes things grow."

I can assure you that nothing you've expressed about your stepson is
any worse than many of the mistakes I made at his age, ,
but I made them nonetheless and am still standing today.
What date did you graduate bootcamp?:20120302 What was your bootcamp platoon number?:3261
Duty Stations:
MCRD San Diego
SOI Camp Pendleton
MCCSSS Camp Johnson
4th Recon Bn Fort Sam Year Exited Marine Corps:
Still in Service
Favorite Marine:PFC Jesse Gunstream II>NO CONCIETE in your family, YOU Have it all < Current City:Austin


Besides, there's an old saying that holds true in this situation. ,
"Sh!t stinks, ,
but it makes things grow."

??????? Really ????????

Where have you been Rubbing that CRAP youngster ??

By the looks of your profile, you're just out of bootcamp

Back at home in the reserves

And living in Mommy's Basement. (Probibly rent free, with meals and laundry included)
That's ok "Studley"

There's another saying out there............. ,
"Tell it to the Marines"

NOT

Tell it to the boots





Believe it or not your step son is a Marine now ,
and sounds like he is going to the school of hard knocks. ,
If he is any kind of Marine he will survive and become a contributing citizen to the community.

He no longer needs help from his step mom.

[m14ed]

Were you going to eat your humble pie ,
before or ,
after you nitpicked your stepson's life again?

I don't suspect that anyone here is telling you to go away, ,
but I can't fathom how this is productive or does ,
anything to help any of his situations.

Besides, there's an old saying that holds true in this situation. ,
"Sh!t stinks, ,
but it makes things grow."

I can assure you that nothing you've expressed about your stepson is
any worse than many of the mistakes I made at his age, ,
but I made them nonetheless and am still standing today.
What date did you graduate bootcamp?:20120302 What was your bootcamp platoon number?:3261
Duty Stations:
MCRD San Diego
SOI Camp Pendleton
MCCSSS Camp Johnson
4th Recon Bn Fort Sam Year Exited Marine Corps:
Still in Service

Favorite Marine:PFC Jesse Gunstream II

>NO CONCIETE in your family, YOU Have it all <

SORRY on that one,, ,
didn't see the #2, ,
and you're a #4

Current City:Austin

[QUOTE=Gunstream;870438]





Besides, there's an old saying that holds true in this situation. ,
"Sh!t stinks, ,
but it makes things grow."

??????? Really ????????

Where have you been Rubbing that CRAP youngster ??

By the looks of your profile, you're just out of bootcamp

Back at home in the reserves

And living in Mommy's Basement. (Probibly rent free, with meals and laundry included)
That's ok "Studley"

There's another saying out there............. ,
"Tell it to the Marines"

NOT

Tell it to the boots

[Marinemom32]

Give the boy some credit, maybe he will surprize you and the bride. Negativity does no one any good.

[FistFu68]

:beer: Yes Maam maybe You'll be the Soon 2 B-Grandmother,of Triplet's all Girl's & They will all look like Her LMAO...Everything will be fine Lady...Least He didn't marry Carrvy :D :iwo:

[Gunstream]

[QUOTE=Gunstream;870438]





Besides, there's an old saying that holds true in this situation. ,
"Sh!t stinks, ,
but it makes things grow."

??????? Really ????????

Where have you been Rubbing that CRAP youngster ??

Perhaps you missed the point? It's just another way of saying that the "school of hard knocks" has a way of making people grow up.

By the looks of your profile, you're just out of bootcamp

Back at home in the reserves

And living in Mommy's Basement. (Probibly rent free, with meals and laundry included)
That's ok "Studley"

Actually, I moved back to my house. Were I live with my wife and two kids. Who were the reason I joined the reserves, so I wouldn't uproot my pre-existing family. I haven't lived in "Mommy's Basement" since I left for college in 2002.

There's another saying out there............. ,
"Tell it to the Marines"

NOT

Tell it to the boots

We're hardly discussing his career choices here. I opened my soup cooler because I'm at the age where you come out of all the dumb mistakes you made when you were her stepsons age. And no, I didn't list myself as my favorite Marine. I listed my grandfather, out of respect, not being conceited. I listed a man who served his country honorably, was wounded on the beaches of Saipan, and who motivated me to finally become a Marine myself.

Anyway, carry on oldtimer. I'm done hijacking this thread.

[Lisa 23]

Enough of the bickering....take it up in PM's. If you don't have anything to say that's helpful, then don't say anything at all.

[doc h fmf]

Stop making excuses for him mom he will survive he is a marine!!
You did your job raising him you are no longer responsiblr for him or his wife they decided to get married . So relax and enjoy your life mom. When i was his age i got into some financial trouble my mom said you have a job your an adult take care of it and i did,

goodluck mom and relax!!


Stephen doc hansen hm3 fmf