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View Full Version : Feeling guilty and can't help it... need to vent...



Accord
03-02-12, 07:31 PM
My fiancee's dad, a retired Air Force colonel who was a fighter pilot in Vietnam died two nights ago from a heart attack. His funeral is going to be at Arlington on the 24th. My fiancee seems to be handling it well, however i'm deployed in Afghanistan right now and am just beginning the retrograde process back to the states, I should be home approximately the 25th or 26th, about a day or two AFTER his funeral at Arlington. I really looked up to and admired her father and the funeral is not something I want to miss, and I also need to be there for her. Her sister and her sister's husband will be there, but she'll be there alone without me. I'm feeling guilty about this, and I KNOW it is completely outside of my control, but I still feel guilty about it. For me to literally come home just one or two days after is why I feel so bad about missing it, whereas if this happened in the middle of the deployment it would be a bit different. Also, my fiancee hasn't actually said anything directly to me about her being angry or upset I won't be there, but I can hear it in her voice, she's very disappointed and I can tell she is holding it against me that i'm going to miss it by just a couple days. This is going to be a ****ty homecoming... coming home from Afghanistan immediately after her dad's funeral. I wish more than anything I could be there and I don't know what to tell her or how to handle this.

Big Boz
03-02-12, 09:15 PM
You should not feel guilty. All you can do is be ther for her and the family when you get there.

Matthew 24:36 No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

CplQuick
03-02-12, 09:37 PM
I don't know if you are religious or not Brother Accord, but is there possibly a Chaplain nearby that you can speak with out there? Even if you aren't religious, the Chaplain can offer you support, guidance, and advice. Most chaplains generally can give counseling as well if that is something you need.

I know it is easy for me to say this, but you should not feel guilty over something beyond your control. Like I said though, that's easy for me to see. I'm not in your boots. My condolences to you and your fiance and her family. Best of luck brother.

Nebraska
03-03-12, 02:41 AM
I wish more than anything I could be there and I don't know what to tell her or how to handle this.

Just try and take things one day at a time if possible...

Sgt Leprechaun
03-03-12, 07:44 PM
It is what it is my friend. No doubt she is dissappointed that you aren't there, but the Colonel would understand. Grieving is for the living, and is designed to help us through the process. All you can do is be there for her when you get back. I know you know that, and I know it well sux hindquarters. Don't let it eat you up for sure.

charm1110
03-06-12, 01:22 AM
I feel for you and your fiancee, I know this isn't easy for either of you. My advice would be to be as supportive as you can from where you're at.
Be patient with your fiancee when you return, losing a parent is rough and a lot of emotion comes out of nowhere it seems. Good Luck and God Bless!