Poolee getting married...need advice

[Marinestepmom]

My stepson leaves for boot camp on August 29, one week after his 22nd birthday. When we first found out about Nick's intention to join, we were upset, but then realized it would be the best thing for him. Nick is a sweet kid but is very immature and doesn't know what he wants, so his Marine experience should help him mature and give him some much-needed clarity. The problem is, when he signed his contract in January, he also asked his girlfriend of 2 months to marry him. She is 19 and graduated from high school last June. She is only the third girl Nick has dated, and he is her first boyfriend. The wedding is July 23rd, one month before he leaves.

Our side feels that this is an approaching train wreck, but the bride's family is all excited. Her parents had the wedding completely planned out before we had even met them for the first time. They don't seem to understand how much my stepson will change over the next several months and that the best idea would be to put everything on hold at least until Nick has finished his training.

My husband has tried talking to his son, but Nick is very bullheaded and will not listen (another sign of his immaturity). Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?

[Hunter1371]

A few marines I know got married and it fell apart. It might be best to wait and see if she can cope with him being in the marines. I also have a few buddies that did this and they are still doing fine its a case by case deal.

[Lisa 23]

Someone can correct me on this if I'm wrong, but if he does get married before he goes to boot camp, he'll have to let his recruiter know, and more than likely, do his paperwork all over again.
If he really wants to marry this girl, it would be best for him to wait until after he's done with boot camp, MCT, and his MOS schooling.

[VitosDad]

My son just graduated from boot camp and before he left PI, his entire Company was told not to run home and get married. They will get deployed and be gone for months at a time and they were told that it's unfair to the new spouse. If she is truly "the one", she will be there in a couple of years.

[USNAviator]

My stepson leaves for boot camp on August 29, one week after his 22nd birthday. When we first found out about Nick's intention to join, we were upset, but then realized it would be the best thing for him. Nick is a sweet kid but is very immature and doesn't know what he wants, so his Marine experience should help him mature and give him some much-needed clarity. The problem is, when he signed his contract in January, he also asked his girlfriend of 2 months to marry him. She is 19 and graduated from high school last June. She is only the third girl Nick has dated, and he is her first boyfriend. The wedding is July 23rd, one month before he leaves.

Our side feels that this is an approaching train wreck, but the bride's family is all excited. Her parents had the wedding completely planned out before we had even met them for the first time. They don't seem to understand how much my stepson will change over the next several months and that the best idea would be to put everything on hold at least until Nick has finished his training.

My husband has tried talking to his son, but Nick is very bullheaded and will not listen (another sign of his immaturity). Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?

I would strongly back you and your husband on this matter. What's the rush? He'll be gone for quite some time, she probably won't be able to join him at his MOS school.

Your step son does not need the responsibility of a bride while he is trying to make it through boot camp. I'm enough of a crummudgeon that I'd be asking myself why does this girls parents want her to get married so quickly? Is it financial? Does she have some sort of personality disorder?

Sorry just thinking out loud ;)

[iamspartacus]

Someone can correct me on this if I'm wrong, but if he does get married before he goes to boot camp, he'll have to let his recruiter know, and more than likely, do his paperwork all over again.
If he really wants to marry this girl, it would be best for him to wait until after he's done with boot camp, MCT, and his MOS schooling.

I think you might be on to some good advice. Here is what you do:

You go talk to the recruiter (without your son knowing it). Tell the recruiter to tell your son if he gets married before he goes it will disqualify him completely. Then you can go to your son and be all, "I'm sorry son. We were totally in support of you getting married, but I guess you'll have to wait until you hit the fleet." My guess is the relationship won't make it to boot leave. You guys save face by making the recruiter out to be the bad guy and your son stays single for at least a few more years!

[this advice was totally sarcastic and is not supported or endorsed by leatherneck.com or it's affiliates... *wink*wink*]

[Zulu 36]

I've advised this time and again, no Marine should get married before they make Sergeant (and, hopefully have at least one deployment under their belt). It comes down to financial ability and maturity. Privates and PFCs do not make enough to support a family without the spouse working too (unless one of them is independently wealthy) and even a Sergeant's wife may have to work.

His getting married before shipping will screw-up his paperwork. He enlisted as single, no dependents. Now, presto-chango, he has a wife just before shipping. Changes his whole status.

We have a couple of recruiters on site, hopefully one will pop through and comment with more authority than the rest of us have.

[Cpl Heglar]

If I were his father I would ask that he wait til after boot camp and have a Marine wedding where the Bride goes under the USMC Swords. It will be a unforgetable wedding to be beheld by all.

Or he can have a civilian wedding.

[Marinestepmom]

I am planning on contacting his recruiter to see if he knows my son's plans. Nick would most likely listen more to his recruiter than he would to his parents. Right now, he and his fiancee are living with her parents and she works part-time at a bowling alley. She has vague plans to go to college in the fall, but she hasn't made any real moves in this direction to my knowledge. Neither of her parents went to college, and her mother was 19 when they got married--but that was 27 years ago, and her husband didn't go off to the Marines a month after the wedding. I don't think that either Nick or his fiancee are thinking any further ahead than the honeymoon.

My husband and his ex are both reluctant to discuss the matter any further with Nick as he will likely get angry and quit talking to them completely. I have been in Nick's life since he was 7 years old, but his father and I have been married for less than 3 years, so I haven't been a 'real' stepmom for very long and am not permitted to voice my opinion to Nick (not that it would do any good).

Is there anything I can do in addition to talking with his recruiter?

[USNAviator]

I am planning on contacting his recruiter to see if he knows my son's plans. Nick would most likely listen more to his recruiter than he would to his parents. Right now, he and his fiancee are living with her parents and she works part-time at a bowling alley. She has vague plans to go to college in the fall, but she hasn't made any real moves in this direction to my knowledge. Neither of her parents went to college, and her mother was 19 when they got married--but that was 27 years ago, and her husband didn't go off to the Marines a month after the wedding. I don't think that either Nick or his fiancee are thinking any further ahead than the honeymoon.

My husband and his ex are both reluctant to discuss the matter any further with Nick as he will likely get angry and quit talking to them completely. I have been in Nick's life since he was 7 years old, but his father and I have been married for less than 3 years, so I haven't been a 'real' stepmom for very long and am not permitted to voice my opinion to Nick (not that it would do any good).

Is there anything I can do in addition to talking with his recruiter?

I applaud your concern but from what you relate the die is cast. They are both legal adults but his enlistment terms have been changed, at least when he says "I do". I'm sorry but I would not contact his recruiter. It's up to him to man up and inform about his pending changes. Maybe it's time he started becoming a man????

When he does and hopefully he will, it will cause some problems in paper work and possibly delay his ship date.

I can appreciate your concerns re, the family dynamic but we here are not trained to deal with marital nor family problems. We are for the most part a bunch of old farts in training, all Marines but a few including myself, a retired Navy Commander. We just try and help out where we can

Bottom line, don't interfere in his Marine process. Back off and let him rise or fall on his own actions or lack there of

You seem like a caring person but he's not going to listen to you, after all he's "in love" :D


Good luck to all of you, I suspect y'all will need it

[USNAviator]

If I were Nick, I would consider anyone speaking with his recruiter as a step over the line.


Damn Dave can't you at least wait for me to finish typing?????:D I know you went to the Betty Boop school of typing but not all of us had such a scholarship.

[Marinefelon]

My stepson leaves for boot camp on August 29, one week after his 22nd birthday. When we first found out about Nick's intention to join, we were upset, but then realized it would be the best thing for him. Nick is a sweet kid but is very immature and doesn't know what he wants, so his Marine experience should help him mature and give him some much-needed clarity. The problem is, when he signed his contract in January, he also asked his girlfriend of 2 months to marry him. She is 19 and graduated from high school last June. She is only the third girl Nick has dated, and he is her first boyfriend. The wedding is July 23rd, one month before he leaves.

Our side feels that this is an approaching train wreck, but the bride's family is all excited. Her parents had the wedding completely planned out before we had even met them for the first time. They don't seem to understand how much my stepson will change over the next several months and that the best idea would be to put everything on hold at least until Nick has finished his training.

My husband has tried talking to his son, but Nick is very bullheaded and will not listen (another sign of his immaturity). Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this?


Yeah his divorce will solve the problem in about 2 years.
I am 24 years old and have been in the Marines for 7 years. I have been married twice unfortunately. I married my high school sweet heart right after boot camp, and as 80% of 1st term marriages do it ended up in divorce. It is very hard for two young people to hold something together when they are so inexperienced in the ways of the world. A deployment will change your stepson and his young girlfriend. I definitely advise against it as I have 2 under my belt and have seen first hand the atrocities of marriage when your not ready.

It is my opinion your stepson is scared or at least uncertain of his decision as a lot of us were. It is after all I HUGE decision. And taking a spouse with you is like a security blanket. However, it is a terrible mistake to say the least.

I hope this helps.

[USNAviator]

Didn't even see you posting, Dan, sorry, I was looking around for a second, saw this thread and posted right away without even seeing who was doing what.
We had to type fast and were always at least 15 characters behind what Morse Code we were listening to while we were actually copying, just something we had to learn to do, type fast-----didn't mean to post before you or while you were posting


LOL I'm suffering the pangs of outrageous fortune. No doubt I should learn how to type if I'm to keep up with all of you stars

[Marinestepmom]

I was going to contact his recruiter only because I know that marriage complicates the issue, and I don't know if Nick has told him yet. I think the best course of action is to back out and let the...

[USNAviator]

I think that is best for all concerned.

[Marinestepmom]

I found out that Nick's fiancee's parents had a discussion with them and advised them to not have children for at least 5 years. Perhaps the future in-laws also feel that this marriage is not likely to last.

It would be so much easier if Nick and his fiancee would just get in a huge fight sometime within the next 2 months and break up!!

[Old Marine]

I'm staying out of this one. I have only been married to the same lady for 55 years next month.

[Marinestepmom]

Congratulations! Did you get married before you went to boot camp?

[Old Marine]

No. Got married after I had three years in and was a Buck Sgt. Had many money problems back then as the pay was much less than it is today. Cereal was pretty cheap back then and we ate a lot of it. Wheaties were the meal on most days. But we survived. My wife was only 17 when I robbed the cradle. I was a rip roaring 21 and a big bad Marine. You might tell you step son that a whole lot of married Marines these days qualify for food stamps through welfare.

[Tennessee Top]

Only time will tell if your stepson is making a big mistake. They just may surprise all of you and have a successful marriage although the odds are tremendously against it.

I remember, when I was young and "in love" as a buck sergeant. My NCO's and Staff NCO's told me not to get married (she was from Nicaragua) but naturally, I wouldn't listen to anybody because "she was the one".

Our marriage lasted till my very first deployment and she got a visit from Jody...EXACTLY as my NCO's and Staff NCO's predicted. After that, I gave the same advice to my junior Marines but they never listened to me either.

As parents, you have already voiced your opinions and that's really all you can do since the kids are adults. So, just step back and keep your fingers crossed for the best.

Good luck to everyone.

[doc h fmf]

I MAY SOUND LIKE A WIMP BUT I JOINED THE NAVY AFTER HIGH SCHOOL NOVEMBER 1981 AND WAS DISCHARGED IN 1992. GOT MARRIED 8YRS LATER JULY 2000 AND AM HAPPILY MARRIED GOING on 11YRS WITH A BEAUTIFUL 10...

[Mongoose]

I tend to agree with Dave on this. The man is old enough to lay his life on the line for his Country. Hes old enough to marry when he wants. And I would never go behind my 22 year old sons back, just because I didnt agree on his decision. You may even force a wedge between you. Hell, we were all young once. How many of us listened to our parents when we thought we had the one we loved. Its his life. Let him make his own decision.

[Phantom Blooper]

I, Poolee Showershoe, take you the United States Marine Corps to be my lawfully wedded life,
knowing in my heart that you will be
my constant friend,
my faithful partner in life,
and my one true love.
On this special day of arriving at the MCRD,
I will give to you
in the presence of God and all those in attendance at DEP my pledge&sacred promise to stay by your side as your faithful servant
in sickness and in health,
in joy and in sorrow, as well as
through the good times and the bad .
I further promise to love you without reservation,
honor and respect you, give you my 110% and
provide for your needs as best I can.
I will protect you from harm,
comfort you in times of distress,
grow with you in mind and spirit,
always be open and honest with you,
and cherish you for as long as we both shall live!!!!!!!!

[USNAviator]

Billy, what's this TEND to agree with Dave stuff???? I thought you would say, Dave is right, like he is around 100% of the time. :)



Dave I noticed Billy has been sort of hedging his bets lately. Checking to see which way the wind is blowing. It's easy to understand, he's been in politics in Texas for over 35 years and no politician ever says anything until he sees which is most advantageous for him

[Marinestepmom]

I am very late in thanking you for all of your advice. An update--the bridal shower was almost a month ago and it was very strange (a whole other story). After the guests left, my stepson's future in-laws sat the two of them down and advised them not to have any babies for at least 5 years. I am hoping they heed this advice, but as I stated before, Nick is very bullheaded...and a new issue has cropped up. His report date is 8/29 (just over 2 months from now), but he has been to 2 poolie exercises lately and he has not mastered the 5 pullups. He can only do one or two, so he gets singled out and yelled at, and then he's crabby for the rest of the day. He's still doing PT, but he needs more, so my husband has been trying to get Nick to go to the gym with him. Much of the time, the plan falls through because Nick either doesn't have the time, or he has to take his fiancee to work (she doesn't have her driver's license yet), or he has a softball game, or he's going to her parents' cottage for the weekend, etc. My husband wanted to get him in the gym this coming Saturday, but Nick, his fiancee, and his best friend are going to Michigan International Speedway on Thursday for a race and will not be back until sometime late Sunday.
sequences?
Nick is famous for procrastination, and I think he feels he still has plenty of time (he doesn't).

Is this another one of those times when I keep my mouth shut and let him suffer the consequences?

[Marinestepmom]

Oops...I see a couple of typos in my last post. (My laptop plays games--the cursor likes to jump around to different areas when I'm in the middle of typing. Very annoying.)

What I am trying to say is that my stepson seems to have his priorities mixed up. His mom is afraid that he 'won't join' but my husband has assured her that since Nick signed a contract, he's 'in' and they will 'make' him be ready. Is he correct?

[Lisa 23]

My take on your stepson......
He doesn't have his priorities straight with wanting to be a Marine, or he'd be doing what he needs to do to master those 5 pull ups. Seems very "unmotivated" to me. Most, if not all, poolees are very motivated and PT like there's no tomorrow. If he doesn't like getting chewed out by his recruiters, then he really needs to get his but in gear and decide if being a Marine is what he really wants. Just because he signed a contract, doesn't mean that he's "in".
If poolees don't attend their poolee functions and "improve", well....he'll wind up getting his but chewed out some more.........

[wildwoman73]

If I were his father I would ask that he wait til after boot camp and have a Marine wedding where the Bride goes under the USMC Swords. It will be a unforgetable wedding to be beheld by all.

Or he can have a civilian wedding.
OH excellent game plan!!! Yes, this is a great idea.

[Marinestepmom]

To give a little more background on my stepson: Nick has ADD, and unfortunately, one of the hallmarks of this is emotional immaturity. So he's going on 22 but is more like a 16- or 17-year-old. He was on Ritalin from first grade until his senior year in high school. I'm not for medicating kids, but in his case, it really helped him focus. He was still an average student at best. His mom, like every parent, wanted to see him succeed in school so she helped him with his homework and he was tutored continually throughout the year (even summers). Unfortunately, all this 'help' made him lazy and he never developed good study habits or became very self-sufficient. (He didn't tie his own shoes until he was about 9 years old because he knew that if he didn't, someone would do it for him.) We all wanted him to succeed, but I think his mom did way too much for him. Her heart was in the right place, and I don't think she realized the consequences at the time.

After he graduated from high school, he took some college courses but quit because he didn't know what he wanted to do and was tired of paying for classes that were not in a particular area of study. So...he decided that the military might point him in the right direction. We wish this for him too, but we are also hoping that this will help him grow up and become an adult. (I was going to say that it would help him get his head out of his rear end, but that's a little harsh...)

Nick is basically a really good kid, but very immature and totally without direction. He is very much a follower rather than a leader, and some of the 'friends' he has been hanging around since graduation are headed down the wrong path, and Nick seemed to be following in their footsteps...not a good thing.

As far as the marriage thing goes, I think he's nervous about joining the Marines and wants to know that someone is waiting at home for him. He likely asked his fiancee to marry him only because she was who he was dating at the time. Neither one of them has any clue what marriage or real life is about--but Nick is VERY bullheaded and stubborn and will do the opposite of what someone advises him to do.

Nobody likes to see their kids get hurt (physically or emotionally), but I think with all this, we're just going to have to stand back and let him screw up if that's what's going to happen because that's the only way he'll learn--and be there for him when the train wrecks.

[usmcdanno]

You would suggest a recruiter lie?.........shame on you! LOL






Y
I think you might be on to some good advice. Here is what you do:

You go talk to the recruiter (without your son knowing it). Tell the recruiter to tell your son if he gets married before he goes it will disqualify him completely. Then you can go to your son and be all, "I'm sorry son. We were totally in support of you getting married, but I guess you'll have to wait until you hit the fleet." My guess is the relationship won't make it to boot leave. You guys save face by making the recruiter out to be the bad guy and your son stays single for at least a few more years!

[this advice was totally sarcastic and is not supported or endorsed by leatherneck.com or it's affiliates... *wink*wink*]

[MOS4429]

Marinestepmom, there have been some good thoughs on this thread, good advice from Zulu36, Softballcatch23 and others.

Not to sound rude, but you are the stepmom. So often stepmoms see what is in the best interest of their step children different from dad, and I have to say that when stepmoms intervene, it usually, and I emphasize usually results in conflict.

You refer to your 22 year old stepson as a "real good kid." I think I know what you mean, but he's 22, not a kid, but is a man whether he acts like it or not, and if you treat him like a good kid and not a man, he is going to totally block you out. His dad you say has elected to back out and let him make his own bed and lie in it. That may be the best course of action. One method to ensure that he marries this girl before boot camp is to keep trying to get him not to. He will do it just to prove HE IS A MAN!

As far as ADD, not to worry. Organization and structure help greatly with ADD, and shortly he will have a lot of that.

You also mentioned that he is not thinking beyond the honeymoon, but then you say he is living with her at her parents' home. Sounds like they have already had the honeymoon, so this really appears to be more of a situation that he has been accepted into her family for who he is. His potential future in laws probably like him a lot, and he feels that love and acceptance. Marrying the girl to him makes good sense.

As far as the question, should he marry her before boot camp? The answer to a reasoned mind is: NO. Not only NO, but He!! NO. Can you stop him? Probably not. Right now the ones who would have the most impact on his decision would be his peers and most likely Marines whom he would look up to.

My final thought on the matter is I joined the Marine Corps at 17, had a girl friend who was 15. I went to boot camp several schools, and was at my first duty station when I would go home on leave. We dated when I came home. You are afraid she is only the 3rd girl he has dated. She was the first girl I had dated. I made Sgt in 2 years, and we were married 9 months after her high school graduation. We've been married for 30+ years. So, yes, it can work if you wait. If she truly loves him and wants to marry him, it is for life, so she will be there after boot camp, after his training and various schools, and then as another suggested, they can have a real wedding under the swords. If he goes to boot camp and she is not there for him after, then she never loved him and it wasn't meant to be.

[Old Marine]

I am very late in thanking you for all of your advice. An update--the bridal shower was almost a month ago and it was very strange (a whole other story). After the guests left, my stepson's future in-laws sat the two of them down and advised them not to have any babies for at least 5 years. I am hoping they heed this advice, but as I stated before, Nick is very bullheaded...and a new issue has cropped up. His report date is 8/29 (just over 2 months from now), but he has been to 2 poolie exercises lately and he has not mastered the 5 pullups. He can only do one or two, so he gets singled out and yelled at, and then he's crabby for the rest of the day. He's still doing PT, but he needs more, so my husband has been trying to get Nick to go to the gym with him. Much of the time, the plan falls through because Nick either doesn't have the time, or he has to take his fiancee to work (she doesn't have her driver's license yet), or he has a softball game, or he's going to her parents' cottage for the weekend, etc. My husband wanted to get him in the gym this coming Saturday, but Nick, his fiancee, and his best friend are going to Michigan International Speedway on Thursday for a race and will not be back until sometime late Sunday.
sequences?
Nick is famous for procrastination, and I think he feels he still has plenty of time (he doesn't).

Is this another one of those times when I keep my mouth shut and let him suffer the consequences?

You are going to end up with ulcers if you keep worrying about this kid. Let him continue to do whatever it is that he does, which does not appear to be very much. If he makes it to the yellow foot prints he is in for a rude awaking. From that moment on all the coddleing is history and he will either grow or he will fail and it will be his choice. Your last sentence of the above post is correct. Lots of luck.:evilgrin:

[Marinestepmom]

All of you have provided some very good advice. I pray every day for this situation to turn out however it is meant to, that the chips fall where they may, and that the necessary lessons be learned. I think Nick is in for a very rude awakening when he enters boot camp, but I think he will grow up and mature very quickly. It will be interesting to see how he has changed and how he feels about being married when he graduates from boot camp.

A question: How much does a recruit get paid at the start? Even more important, if my stepson were to get killed (and I certainly don't want to think about that), what kind of widow's benefits would she be eligible for? The reason I'm asking is because my sister-in-law (my husband's sister) is convinced that Nick's future mother-in-law is pushing for the marriage because her daughter will get half a million dollars if Nick gets killed.

I am hoping she is way off base.

[MOS4429]

[quote=Marinestepmom;781573]All of you have provided some very good advice. I pray every day for this situation to turn out however it is meant to, that the chips fall where they may, and that the necessary lessons be learned. I think Nick is in for a very rude awakening when he enters boot camp, but I think he will grow up and mature very quickly. It will be interesting to see how he has changed and how he feels about being married when he graduates from boot camp.

A question: How much does a recruit get paid at the start? Even more important, if my stepson were to get killed (and I certainly don't want to think about that), what kind of widow's benefits would she be eligible for? The reason I'm asking is because my sister-in-law (my husband's sister) is convinced that Nick's future mother-in-law is pushing for the marriage because her daughter will get half a million dollars if Nick gets killed."

It appears from doing some quick searching that the automatic SGLI coverage on the first day is $400,000 - far, far more than when I was in! You know, these things can really get out of hand, making assumption and presumptions, and to make such an assumption would presume a sinster motive behind the marriage, other than two young people whose emotions are out of control.

"I am hoping she is way off base."

Base pay for an E-1 less than 4 months is 1203.90. Now, if he gets married, he is going to have to declare that, because that will increase his pay. How much? I have no idea nowadays. Back when I was in you got BAQ, VHA, comrats, etc., and I don't know what they do in 2011. Maybe somebody else can answer that.

You just gave yourself the best advice yet: PRAY!

Get behind him, show him your love and support, and pray.

You would be quite surprised on T-1 of boot camp at the variety of young men who join. Some are way not ready, others do it for the wrong reason, many to prove they are a man to those who will not treat them that way. The DI's job is to make a Marine out of him! :evilgrin: And in the process he will become a man.

[USNAviator]

You are going to end up with ulcers if you keep worrying about this kid. Let him continue to do whatever it is that he does, which does not appear to be very much. If he makes it to the yellow foot prints he is in for a rude awaking. From that moment on all the coddleing is history and he will either grow or he will fail and it will be his choice. Your last sentence of the above post is correct. Lots of luck.:evilgrin:

Good points Gunny!! Ma'am the fact that you're on here discussing this whole situation means you know this isn't what's best for your step-son. Is he even talking with his recruiter? His recruiter must know he's not making progress, is not motivated and lacks direction

You should ask him to come on here and state his case. He'll get the advice first hand that he sorely needs. Maybe hearing it from Marines who have been through it all might, just might open his eyes

[0331 2 0369]

You are going to have to sit back and watch the show unfortunately. Don't push him with the whole marraige issue or he will tune you out totally. You say he has ADD. If he didn't report this when he signed up then it will come out later and he will get booted for it. Maybe you should ask him if his recruiter knows he has ADD. ADD doesn't just go away as you probably know. Most Doc's recommend that people stay on med's once they start. Regardless of how old they are. My son has ADD. During the summer I don't make him take his meds but I make him start back up about 2 weeks before school. The Doc told us that even when he is an adult, he will more than likely still need the meds to help him focus. If your stepson has any difficulty focussing now, he will get hammered in bootcamp.

[MOS4429]

Good points Gunny!! Ma'am the fact that you're on here discussing this whole situation means you know this isn't what's best for your step-son. Is he even talking with his recruiter? His recruiter must know he's not making progress, is not motivated and lacks direction

You should ask him to come on here and state his case. He'll get the advice first hand that he sorely needs. Maybe hearing it from Marines who have been through it all might, just might open his eyes

:idea:

I was thinking the same thing - have him come on here, read these posts, state his case, and then listen!

[USNAviator]

:idea:

I was thinking the same thing - have him come on here, read these posts, state his case, and then listen!


Dream on SSgt. not going to happen. :D

This kid is greasing the skids of failure. He's strapped in and waiting for some one to kick the tires and light the fire

[afraziaaaa]

Someone can correct me on this if I'm wrong, but if he does get married before he goes to boot camp, he'll have to let his recruiter know, and more than likely, do his paperwork all over again.
If he really wants to marry this girl, it would be best for him to wait until after he's done with boot camp, MCT, and his MOS schooling.

This.

He will need an enlistment waiver if he marries before he ships. And OP you are exactly right. His life circumstances will change completely, especially since he is going onto active duty. Many women become depressed and feel disconnected when they realize that they have to play second chair to an active duty spouse's commitment. It is indeed a volatile situation. It's wonderful to be in love, but if that is the case there is no reason to rush to make a lifetime committment to someone who is going to be there after a while anyway. I have been where your stepson is and it took a divorce for me to realize that marrying someone in pursuit of a romantacized idea about marriage, and marrying someone because they were my "match" and I wanted to celebrate a lifetime committment to them are completely different realities.

This is just my personal experience and I hope your stepson realizes that statistically, this marriage's chances of survival are slim. The best way to increase them is to wait at least until he arrives at his first duty station and can seek counsel from a seasoned Marine who will be there to mentor him through everything.

One thing you can try is calling his recruiter and telling his recruiter the situation. Numerous times, I have been called to talk to someone's son simply because the dynamic between a Marine in uniform and someone who wants to be a Marine is different than that of a parent/child. to put it another way "Since he enlisted, he only wants to listen to the Marines and he thinks he knows everything."

It's not just our job to enlist young men and women for service. It is also our job to guide them through their transition into our Marine Corps family. It's not just a transition for your stepson either. It is a transition for EVERYONE. The recruiter is your closest expert on military lifestyle, and these types of issues. Don't be afraid to use and abuse him. It's his job, and if he cares anything about the future of his Marine Corps, he will be happy to help.

[Marinestepmom]

Neither my husband nor my stepson know that I have joined this website, so asking Nick to post his comments is not going to happen. I have no idea if he has told the recruiter either that he is getting married or if he has ADD. I have been tempted to call the recruiter, but if I was ever found out, I'd be seen as a controlling meddler and a lot of people would be very upset with me.

I think we're just going to have to let him screw up if that's what meant to happen and hope for three things: that he acquire some maturity, that he acquire some direction, and that he learns from his mistakes sufficiently so that he doesn't make them again.

[USNAviator]

Neither my husband nor my stepson know that I have joined this website, so asking Nick to post his comments is not going to happen. I have no idea if he has told the recruiter either that he is getting married or if he has ADD. I have been tempted to call the recruiter, but if I was ever found out, I'd be seen as a controlling meddler and a lot of people would be very upset with me.

I think we're just going to have to let him screw up if that's what meant to happen and hope for three things: that he acquire some maturity, that he acquire some direction, and that he learns from his mistakes sufficiently so that he doesn't make them again.


Sadly I have to agree with you. It's tough to sit by and watch someone you love have to go through hell to learn a lesson but some times it's necessary. Please keep us posted about this situation and good luck to all concerned

[Gunstream]

Neither my husband nor my stepson know that I have joined this website, so asking Nick to post his comments is not going to happen. I have no idea if he has told the recruiter either that he is getting married or if he has ADD. I have been tempted to call the recruiter, but if I was ever found out, I'd be seen as a controlling meddler and a lot of people would be very upset with me.

I think we're just going to have to let him screw up if that's what meant to happen and hope for three things: that he acquire some maturity, that he acquire some direction, and that he learns from his mistakes sufficiently so that he doesn't make them again.

The reason you'd be seen as a controlling meddler is because you'd be behaving like a controlling meddler. The way I see it, this can play out a couple of ways.

1) You interfere, alienate your stepson, generate tension in your marriage, and possibly never regain his trust again.

2) You leave it alone. He gets married, it's a colossal mistake, and he learns and moves on. Not a little thing, but not world ending either.

3) You leave it alone. He gets married, it's a colossal mistake, and he never learns from it. He repeats the same kind of mistakes for the rest of his life.

4) You leave it alone. He gets married, they make babies, she loves being a military wife, and they live happily ever after.

The way I see it, two of those work out alright, and two suck pretty badly. However, both of the ones where it works out alright fall under the "You leave it alone" category. Young men make mistakes. I'm sure there is a wealth of mistake making young men who post on these forums, and most of them forged ahead and came through on the other side.

[Marinestepmom]

I do think it's in everyone's best interest at this point to step back and let Nick make his mistakes and hopefully learn from them. (The ABSOLUTE best situation would have been for him to see that joining the Marines is a huge life change in itself and that adding another huge life change like marriage makes for a very tough road, but it's too late for this scenario.) As I stated earlier, my stepson is very stubborn and is going to do what he wants even if everyone else thinks it's a very bad idea, so the only way this marriage is not going to happen is if he and his fiancee make that decision. Those of us who have been married (especially those of us--myself included--who went through a nasty first marriage) know that even the best marriages can be a real challenge and take a lot of work, patience, and maturity. I don't think either of them has a clue what marriage is about, but I guess they'll find out soon enough.

[Marinestepmom]

Okay...it's 2 days before the wedding and Nick hasn't backed out yet...but he says he knows he'll be nervous on the Big Day. I am still hoping he gets cold feet and says 'I don't' instead of 'I do'. It's an outdoor wedding and the temperature will be about 95 and humid...maybe this will get him prepared for Parris Island weather (although Michigan's humidity isn't anything like theirs). Anyway, we were at his fiancee's parents' house a few weeks ago to discuss arrangements and both her and her mom were asking Nick when her insurance benefits would start. I have to confess that I've done some 'back-checking' on her parents (I am in a line of work where I have access to a lot of that sort of information) and discovered through that (and being very mindful of things she and her parents have said) that Mommy and Daddy have had financial problems very recently. It seems that Mommy is really pushing for this wedding before Nick's boot camp so that fiancee can get on his insurance as soon as possible and parents won't have to foot the bill anymore. (Daddy doesn't say much. He's the only male in the house--even the cat is a female--and he gets ridden roughshod by Mommy, fiancee, and her two sisters. He's just sort of a fixture in the background.) Mommy expressed disappointment when Nick told her that fiancee's insurance doesn't begin until he's done with boot camp.

Saturday (the Big Day) should be interesting between the weather, the wedding colors (unflattering), and the many faux pas that Mommy and fiancee have already committed. (That's another story in itself.) Nick, of course, is oblivious to all of this.

I have decided to stop stressing over this because I was actually making myself sick. Instead, I am praying for the outcome to be exactly as it was meant to happen and for lessons to be learned as they should. My husband doesn't appear to be stressed, but I know he is. It's two days until the event and he doesn't even know if his suit fits or not and doesn't seem interested in trying it on. (Mommy told him he didn't need to wear a tux like the rest of the guys in the wedding party, because apparently he isn't important enough. He's just the Meal Ticket's dad.)

I am really hoping that Nick gets cold feet, but if that doesn't happen, and he goes through with this, I hope that boot camp will turn this boy into a man and he can see the real picture.

[Yonkers]

He doesn't understand he is setting himself up for a colossal series of mistakes, heartaches, and paperwork... guy in my shop just finally got over a divorce that took him forever to get through...

It all depends on the type of person she is... and he is going to change a LOT....heh, he may appreciate her even more after boot, but who knows... too many variables

[Marinestepmom]

I know that Nick will have no access to any communication with the 'outside world' except for snail mail while he's at boot camp and that he will get almost no time to himself. Nick isn't good at writing, so I don't even know how often she'll get letters. His recruiter told him that his 10-day leave after graduation is not meant to be a vacation; he will be required to put on his dress blues and travel with the recruiter to high schools to promote the Marines, so he and she won't get a whole lot of time together before he has to go back down for combat training and then his schooling for his position. Altogether, he will be away from her for several months, and I know he'll have the opportunity (after boot camp) to meet other girls and experience a little more of life. If you read my prior posts, you'll have seen that she is only the third girl he's ever dated, and only his second real girlfriend. He proposed to her right after he signed his delayed-entry papers. They had been dating for two months at the time.

She bought her dress in January right after he proposed. She's gained about 25 pounds since then and now outweighs Nick (and no, she's not pregnant). If he goes through with this, it should be interesting to see what happens when he graduates from boot camp...

[Zulu 36]

I hope this girl isn't expecting to be rolling in high cotton on a Private or PFC's pay, even with BAH. He will have a lot of mandatory expenses for haircuts, uniform cleaning, and various odds-and-ends. Also, the standard deductions for income taxes and FICA. Even in a tax-free combat zone, they still take out FICA.

As many Marines have commented here, the Marine Corps will insist on coming first on his priority list. There won't be a whole lot left over for bon-bons. She can also expect to have to find a job too.

Plus, what if he goes straight to Okinawa on an unaccompanied tour?

Then there is the big monster under the bed: What happens if he doesn't make it through boot camp for some reason? Has he thought out Plan B? I'll bet not. Don't let them live at your house.

[Marinestepmom]

The rehearsal dinner was tonight. There seems to be some major tension between Nick's and fiancee's mothers as they are both major control freaks. (Fiancee may be one too, but we haven't gotten to know her well enough yet.) Her mom was saying that she thinks Jessica (fiancee) will be a basket case for the thirteen weeks that Nick is in boot camp but that she will be able to join him on weekends when he is in combat training and his schooling for his job position. Is this true? We were told originally that she couldn't come down to visit him and would not be able to be with him until all of his training was through and he was being deployed (depending on where that is.) Is this true?

[Lisa 23]

True....she will not be able to visit him while he's at MCT (Marine Combat Training) or his MOS school.
They're not even married yet, and there's already problems starting.......

[Marinestepmom]

So...except for his 10-day leave after boot camp, they will not see each other until he's done with MOS? If this is true, I wonder where they got the ideal that she will be able to visit him on weekends.

His fiancee is not a horrible person, but they are both VERY young and have no clue about anything. Nick has lived a sheltered life. He has never lived or even traveled anywhere on his own. Given this fact and Nick's immaturity, he really needs to have a lot more experience under his belt before he makes such a life-changing decision as marriage. I would think that entering the Marines would be enough of a life-changing decision in itself; adding a premature marriage into the mix is a recipe for impending disaster.

[Lisa 23]

So...except for his 10-day leave after boot camp, they will not see each other until he's done with MOS? If this is true, I wonder where they got the ideal that she will be able to visit him on weekends.

To the best of my knowledge, this is true!!! Another Marine can come along and correct me if I'm wrong.

[Marinestepmom]

Can I get another Marine's input on this question?

[Marinestepmom]

He's getting married tomorrow. I know he will have almost no contact with the 'outside world' during boot camp, but fiancee and her mom told me that she will be able to visit Nick on weekends while he's in combat training and schooling. We were told otherwise (that they can't see each other during that time). Which is true?

[Lisa 23]

Marinestepmom......They both need know that Nick is training to become a Marine, and visits aren't allowed during MCT and during his MOS school. His MOS school could be on the west coast, that is, depending on what his MOS is.
Is she going to be able to afford to come and see him on weekends during his MOS school? Probably not, and no....the Marine Corps will not pay her transportation for her.
What's going to happen if his first duty station happens to be overseas on an unaccompanied tour? The future wife is going to go crazy not being able to go with him. She better get used to things now......the Marine Corps comes first, not her. If she happens to stick her nose where it doesn't belong in regards to what your step son will be doing in the Corps, they will ride his arse big time.
Does she also realize that she's going to have to get a job to help out with the bills? PVT's & PFC's don't make a ton of money.
Wow.....this young lady is in for a very rude awakening once your step son gets through boot camp. She's going to realize that she can't go everywhere Nick will be going.

The military can make or break marriages, I've seen it happen.....it's not for everyone.

Good luck to you Marinestepmom!

[DJ860420]

Some MOS schools do allow the spouse to accompany and will pay for her going out there. Not all though, usually just the maintenance and intel ones. And one thing though, his 10 days boot leave is his vacation. Leave is something he EARNS at a rate of 2.5 days a month. He is not his recruiter's little helper buddy during that time. The recruiter is just trying to get some free help. If he wants the kid to help him out tell the recruiter to get him recruiter's assistance and extra days home to work there.

I got married on my way to my first duty station. My wife got pregnant after a few months with me as a LCpl. We had my daughter when I was a Cpl. I was broke as hell until my first deployment. But we had each other and we did awesome. We just clicked and had each other. But I will agree that I am a rarity not the norm. Finally as a Sgt with an Iraq deployment and re-enlistment I am just now feeling like I make plenty of money and never worry about it. Keep in mind this is my 6th year in the Marines so it takes a long time.

[Marinestepmom]

His MOS is in Virginia (or so we've been told). Her mom said that they've been saving money so that she can go down to visit him on weekends. Her mom got married when she was 19 (same age as Nick's fiancee), which was 27 years ago, and is still married, so she doesn't have any problem with this wedding. Apparently, she has forgotten that she knew her husband for more than 2 months when he proposed; also, he did not enter the military a month after the wedding. She has no idea how much Nick will change during boot camp and training.

She said last night that her daughter will be a basket case for the 13 weeks that Nick will be in boot camp. This whole thing just feels so wrong. I am still hoping that my stepson will get cold feet and say 'I don't' instead of 'I do'.

[Lisa 23]

Instead of spending what money that she has saved going and visiting him on weekends (maybe-maybe not at MOS school), she should save that money for when Nick gets to his first duty station, wherever that may be, so they have money to get by on until she gets herself a job to help with bills and food. That would be the smart thing to do. Maybe this is something that Nick should tell her.
Life isn't going to be easy on a Pvt or PFC pay for the both of them is she doesn't get herself a job to help out.

On a side note....what does his recruiter think of this?

[Marinestepmom]

I have no idea if his recruiter knows that he is getting married. Since I'm 'just the stepmom', I have not been allowed to talk to Nick about his decisions. I had written him a letter expressing my concerns in a loving, caring way that he is likely biting off more than he can chew and that his fiancee should be enjoying being a teenager instead of moving into an adult role too soon. I had my husband read it, and he told me that I shouldn't give Nick the letter as it would probably make him angry--although there was nothing in the content that implied that Nick is being foolish and immature (although I think he is).

[Marinestepmom]

How long had you and your wife known each other before you were married? How old was she?

[DJ860420]

My wife and I knew each other for a few years as friends, and dated a few months maybe. We had a great foundation and just clicked. I was 20 when we married and she was 25. Luckily she had enough life experience for the both of us haha.

[Marinestepmom]

Nick will be 22 on August 22nd and leaves for boot camp on August 29th. His fiancee, Jessica (who will be his wife after tomorrow) is 19 and graduated from high school last year. Nick is VERY immature (more like a 17-year-old) and Jessica is only the second girlfriend that he has ever had.

They met and started dating last November. Nick signed his delayed-entry papers in January and then proposed to Jessica. They had known each other for 2 months.

I've known Nick since he was 7 years old and he's always been pretty immature. (He has ADD, which is partly to blame.) I am not holding out much hope for this marriage.

[afraziaaaa]

I hope his recruiter knows. His recruiter is the person who has to write up his dependant waiver.

[Yonkers]

You prolly wont be able to visit them in SOI... liberty is a relatively new thing for them... my company was one of the last to not have it whatsoever... that was...depressing...

They will be able to see eachother in MOS school and they can move in with eachother when he gets to the fleet... in theory.. depends on the command etc... lots of variables... but they'll be makin a bunch of money for bein married...

And as the SSGT said above me... I hope his recruiter knows about this... that's a major issue that needs to come to light... and I know a guy that got in trouble for not telling the people at SOI that he got married on his boot leave..

[Marinestepmom]

Okay...now I am VERY confused. I am receiving very mixed information here. It's a given that she won't be able to see him or talk to him while he's in boot camp, but some of you have said that she would be able to visit him while he's in combat training and some of you have said she can't. Then some of you have said that she may not be able to see him while he's in MOS, depending on the location and type of training--but others have said that she will be able to move down to Virginia (where his MOS is) and live with him. (For the record, I believe his position will be in transportation logistics--handling paperwork for people moving in and out of the base.) Most of you have said that she will have to get a decent job because privates and PFCs don't make much money, but the last person (Yonkers) stated he'll make 'a bunch of money' for being married.

Will the real answer please stand up?

BTW--the wedding was this past Saturday. It was very hot and humid, especially for Michigan (outdoor wedding), it rained for a short time, lots of mosquitoes and biting flies, the ceremony started late, part of the food got sent somewhere else and it took about 1 1/2 hours to get it delivered to the correct address. The bride's parents wouldn't serve any of the rest of the food until the missing items arrived, and there weren't any hors d'oeuvres, so people were leaving due to no food. Someone peed on the seat of the porta-potty. The bride has gained at least 25 pounds since she bought her wedding dress, so it barely fit her. (She is not pregnant.)

I found out from talking to the bride that she and Nick actually started discussing marriage long before he put a ring on her finger. From the way she talks, it was less than a month after they met that they began discussing getting married.

My husband told me that Nick called him today to have my husband find a Social Security office for them so they could get her card changed. It's not that he doesn't know where to look for this information; he just wants someone else to do it for him. I really hope that the Marines will help him to grow up.

[Zulu 36]

Okay...now I am VERY confused. I am receiving very mixed information here. It's a given that she won't be able to see him or talk to him while he's in boot camp, but some of you have said that she would be able to visit him while he's in combat training and some of you have said she can't. Then some of you have said that she may not be able to see him while he's in MOS, depending on the location and type of training--but others have said that she will be able to move down to Virginia (where his MOS is) and live with him. (For the record, I believe his position will be in transportation logistics--handling paperwork for people moving in and out of the base.) Most of you have said that she will have to get a decent job because privates and PFCs don't make much money, but the last person (Yonkers) stated he'll make 'a bunch of money' for being married.

Will the real answer please stand up?

BTW--the wedding was this past Saturday. It was very hot and humid, especially for Michigan (outdoor wedding), it rained for a short time, lots of mosquitoes and biting flies, the ceremony started late, part of the food got sent somewhere else and it took about 1 1/2 hours to get it delivered to the correct address. The bride's parents wouldn't serve any of the rest of the food until the missing items arrived, and there weren't any hors d'oeuvres, so people were leaving due to no food. Someone peed on the seat of the porta-potty. The bride has gained at least 25 pounds since she bought her wedding dress, so it barely fit her. (She is not pregnant.)

I found out from talking to the bride that she and Nick actually started discussing marriage long before he put a ring on her finger. From the way she talks, it was less than a month after they met that they began discussing getting married.

My husband told me that Nick called him today to have my husband find a Social Security office for them so they could get her card changed. It's not that he doesn't know where to look for this information; he just wants someone else to do it for him. I really hope that the Marines will help him to grow up.

Liberty in MCT and MOS school is limited. Nick's true love should not count on being able to see him until he goes to his first PCS location except for boot leave. If she is able to see him in between, bonus. But I wouldn't count on it. Where is the travel money going to come from?

No, he won't make "a bunch" of money by being married. He will get certain allowances for housing and for subsistence. Neither are huge amounts of money. The subsistence allowance is for his food, not hers. If they live on base, they won't get the housing allowance in cash. They get quarters in lieu of the cash allowance.

This link takes you to the 2011 military pay rates: www.dfas.mil/dms/dfas/ (http://www.dfas.mil/dms/dfas/)militarymembers/pdf/MilPayTable2011.pdf

This is the official military site on military pay.

Assuming he is a PFC (under 2 years service) he will make about $1,644/month gross. From this there is income tax and FICA withholding removed. He can expect about $750 per payday. Out of this he must pay for his haircuts, uniform cleaning, and any other odds and ends needed for military service.

Basic allowance for housing for an E-2 (tax free): $462/month (split 50/50 per payday).

Basic allowance for subsistence (tax free): $325/month (split 50/50 per payday). If he eats in the chow hall on base, he will have to pay for his meals since he is getting the cash allowance instead of rations in-kind.

So, he would roughly get about $1,090 gross per payday (if living off base). Out of this comes rent, food for two, clothing, utility payments, phone, Internet, car payments, car insurance, renter's insurance (highly recommended - go through USAA for all insurance), plus the aforementioned expenses to keep himself properly squared away and out of trouble. Note: if the rent of an off-base apartment exceeds his BAH, he has to cover the difference out of pocket.

On base quarters means no BAH allowance, but it also means no utility payments except for phone, Internet, and cable/sat TV.

You should plainly see, his wife will probably have to work at least part-time if they expect to have any luxuries and not be in debt. Nick will not make "bunches" of money because he is married. A lot of single Marines seem to think so, but they forget what those allowances have to be spent on. Nick does not want to be in debt either. The Marine Corps can (and will) make him take automatic deductions from his base pay to make payments to debt holders. So no brand new cars, big screen TVs, major stereo systems, etc, (unless the wife gets a really well paying job).

All of this assumes one big thing: he makes it through boot camp.

There are other things involved to being married in the military, which is why I always advise Marines to not get married before they make Sergeant. Money is just one of the reasons.

Also, should Nick get sent overseas on an unaccompanied tour for his first PCS, she can't go. He'll still get the BAH for her to use stateside, while he'll live in barracks. He'll probably lose his BAS since he lives in barracks and will be eating in the chow hall (this varies, but doesn't matter since BAS is for his food, not hers).

Nick will have to grow up or the Marine Corps will make his official life a living hell which will likely lead to his personal life becoming a living hell as well. Hope they don't have kids until he gets squared away - the divorce is cheaper without them.

[Marinestepmom]

Hello all--I said I would post after my stepson's wedding, so here goes...it's almost a month since they got married July 23rd. The wedding was interesting to say the least...94% humidity (unusual for Michigan), a brief shower, caterers screwed up and sent some of the food to another reception so dinner was about 1 1/2 hours late--and the bride's mother, who had this whole thing planned out even before we met her, had no hors d'oeuvres to offer anyone, so everyone was drinking but no food. Several people left. During the ceremony, the minister left out the part about anyone objecting to the union--since he is a friend of the bride's mother, I think this was deliberate. The bride has gained about 30 pounds since she ordered her dress in January, so it barely fit her. Other than acknowledging Nick's parents (including me) during the toast, none of the bride's family ever came over to speak with Nick's side. We are not in any of the wedding photos. As I stated earlier, I think this is all about getting bride on my stepson's insurance and support since parents can no longer write her off as a dependent on their taxes--never mind the fact that his insurance won't start until he graduates from boot camp and he already knows he won't make enough money to send much home to his new wife.

They didn't leave for their honeymoon until a week after the wedding. Nick signed his final papers on the Thursday before they left, and at that time, he was asked to report the following Monday. He told them he couldn't because he was leaving for his honeymoon on Saturday...so he somehow escaped entering earlier than his original date.

He has stated very adamantly that he does NOT want a going-away party. Nick has very little self-esteem and self-confidence (during the wedding, he walked up to the altar with his head down), and my husband and I think that the reason he doesn't want a party is because he feels that if he doesn't pass boot camp, he will have let a lot of people down and that they will have wasted a party on him. His 22nd birthday is this Monday, and his mom is having a small celebration (a few family members) for him. Nick made her promise that it is not a going-away party before he would agree to attend. So guess what comes next?? His new wife is planning back-to-back surprise going-away parties for him this next Friday. The earlier one is for family, and then the following one is for friends. I don't think she gets it that he DOES NOT want a party, and this is going to cause a huge fight--and he gets dropped off at the recruiter's 2 days later. What a lovely sendoff...and his new in-laws, who seemed so eager for their daughter to marry Nick, are going away for the weekend, so they won't even be there to say good-bye.

At the wedding rehearsal, her mom was saying how bride was going to be a basket case while Nick was at boot camp, but was saving her money so she could be with him every weekend while he was in combat training and MOS. Will she be able to do this?

Bride is already prohibiting him from doing things with his friends and basically telling him what he can and can't do. They have already had several fights and Nick says he can't wait to leave for boot camp. I think that the Marines are going to be a tough but tremendous experience for him and I can't wait to see how he'll grow and change. The discipline and structure are exactly what he needs and my gut instincts tell me that he'll do fine and that we will be very proud of him--but that his marriage won't survive.

I do have a question about his first deployment: I know that she can't go with him if he is sent to the Middle East, but what about elsewhere? I have heard both that she can and that she can't. He is going into a non-combat position--at least that's what his MOS is for.

Is it normal for me to not be worried about him?

[Lisa 23]

Sounds like there's trouble in paradise already.
The way you feel being worried and all about your stepson is normal.

She has to remember, he needs to get through boot camp first. Hopefully when she does write to him, they'll be upbeat letters, not ones putting him down. Last thing he would need during recruit training is to deal with a nagging wife writing letters of pitty to him....sorry, it does happen. As for her being able to see him during his MCT on weekends, I highly doubt that.....MOS school, maybe.

This young lady is in for one rude awakening. When he makes it through boot camp, everything will be done the Marine Corps way and on Marine Corps time, not hers. If she doesn't like it, oh well..........

When he does leave, please keep us all posted on his progress through recruit training.

[Zulu 36]

As I wrote in my previous post, liberty is restricted while in MCT and MOS schools. He won't get weeknight liberty for certain in MCT, and may not get much if any weekend liberty. It depends. If he, or his training company, screw something up, they may have liberty withheld. Yes, that is legal. Liberty is a privilege, not a right in the military.

As for his MOS school, he'll have to wait until he gets there to learn their policy.

All Marine Corps MOS' can end up in a combat zone and can end up getting shot at with rockets, mortars, small-arms, etc. Only the likelihood changes with location. An example, my oldest daughter was at Bagram, a very big base. She experienced a number of rocket attacks and one serious ground assault. Had the assault succeeded in getting through the perimeter, it was aimed right at the hospital she worked at.

If he goes overseas with unaccompanied orders, his wife cannot go with him.

This marriage does not sound like it's going to last very long at all. Advise him not to make any babies right away so his divorce will be cheaper.

[NCdad]

One thing my son brought back from Boot camp was the wisdom of the Drill instructors-- DO NOT GET MARRIED BEFORE OR AFTER BOOT- Sounds like a real Rocky start and the only winner is the Bride and her family - Your Stepson will be the looser if this marriage fails. The Drill Instructors warned of wives buying cars while Marines where on deployment and leaving them High and dry and in debt when they get home.

As far as her visiting during MCT and MOS probably not depending on liberty that is granted. Good Luck but I think it will take more than Luck to see this one through


Hello all--I said I would post after my stepson's wedding, so here goes...it's almost a month since they got married July 23rd. The wedding was interesting to say the least...94% humidity (unusual for Michigan), a brief shower, caterers screwed up and sent some of the food to another reception so dinner was about 1 1/2 hours late--and the bride's mother, who had this whole thing planned out even before we met her, had no hors d'oeuvres to offer anyone, so everyone was drinking but no food. Several people left. During the ceremony, the minister left out the part about anyone objecting to the union--since he is a friend of the bride's mother, I think this was deliberate. The bride has gained about 30 pounds since she ordered her dress in January, so it barely fit her. Other than acknowledging Nick's parents (including me) during the toast, none of the bride's family ever came over to speak with Nick's side. We are not in any of the wedding photos. As I stated earlier, I think this is all about getting bride on my stepson's insurance and support since parents can no longer write her off as a dependent on their taxes--never mind the fact that his insurance won't start until he graduates from boot camp and he already knows he won't make enough money to send much home to his new wife.

They didn't leave for their honeymoon until a week after the wedding. Nick signed his final papers on the Thursday before they left, and at that time, he was asked to report the following Monday. He told them he couldn't because he was leaving for his honeymoon on Saturday...so he somehow escaped entering earlier than his original date.

He has stated very adamantly that he does NOT want a going-away party. Nick has very little self-esteem and self-confidence (during the wedding, he walked up to the altar with his head down), and my husband and I think that the reason he doesn't want a party is because he feels that if he doesn't pass boot camp, he will have let a lot of people down and that they will have wasted a party on him. His 22nd birthday is this Monday, and his mom is having a small celebration (a few family members) for him. Nick made her promise that it is not a going-away party before he would agree to attend. So guess what comes next?? His new wife is planning back-to-back surprise going-away parties for him this next Friday. The earlier one is for family, and then the following one is for friends. I don't think she gets it that he DOES NOT want a party, and this is going to cause a huge fight--and he gets dropped off at the recruiter's 2 days later. What a lovely sendoff...and his new in-laws, who seemed so eager for their daughter to marry Nick, are going away for the weekend, so they won't even be there to say good-bye.

At the wedding rehearsal, her mom was saying how bride was going to be a basket case while Nick was at boot camp, but was saving her money so she could be with him every weekend while he was in combat training and MOS. Will she be able to do this?

Bride is already prohibiting him from doing things with his friends and basically telling him what he can and can't do. They have already had several fights and Nick says he can't wait to leave for boot camp. I think that the Marines are going to be a tough but tremendous experience for him and I can't wait to see how he'll grow and change. The discipline and structure are exactly what he needs and my gut instincts tell me that he'll do fine and that we will be very proud of him--but that his marriage won't survive.

I do have a question about his first deployment: I know that she can't go with him if he is sent to the Middle East, but what about elsewhere? I have heard both that she can and that she can't. He is going into a non-combat position--at least that's what his MOS is for.

Is it normal for me to not be worried about him?

[Marinestepmom]

My stepson Nick left for boot camp today...actually, we saw him off at the recruiter's and he was to stay in a hotel tonight in an undisclosed location. He flies to Atlanta tomorrow and then takes a bus to Parris Island. His 22nd birthday was this past Monday, and his wife gave him a 9-week-n Border Collie/Husky puppy. Nick loves dogs, but I was speechless for a few seconds when my husband told me. Her timing couldn't have been worse with him leaving less than a week later. Plus, she is still living at home and only working part-tine, and her mother said some time ago that she didn't want a dog in the house. They also don't have a fenced-in yard, and stepson's wife lacks the resources and knowledge to give this dog what it needs...so guess who will end up with it? I only hope it gets along well with our Golden Retriever.

Anyway, she had a going-away party for Nick this past Friday night which was originally supposed to be a surprise, but since he had been so adamant about NOT wanting a party, telling him about it was probably a wise thing. He seemed very excited and had already taken off his wedding ring. When we all gathered to say goodbye today, he was really eager to get going, but it was hard for his 19-year-old bride. Her mother is still under the impression that Jessica will be able to go down every weekend to visit Nick after he finishes boot camp and is in combat training and MOS.

Even though we are naturally concerned for Nick's safety, I think this is the best thing that could happen to him. He doesn't have much in the way of self-esteem or self-confidence, and has no direction, so this will hopefully provide him with discipline and clarity. I know he is going to grow and change tremendously during the next three months and I'm excited to see how he'll turn out.

I know we can't write him until we receive a postcard with his address...do the recruit

[Marinestepmom]

(sorry, computer acting up, didn't get to finish the post because computer decided to send it on its own)

To finish my question...are the letters we send to the recruits in boot camp screened before they're given to the recipients? I was just curious...

Another question: in your experience, how much does a person change during boot camp?

Thanks again to all of you for all of your support.

[Zulu 36]

(sorry, computer acting up, didn't get to finish the post because computer decided to send it on its own)

To finish my question...are the letters we send to the recruits in boot camp screened before they're given to the recipients? I was just curious...

Another question: in your experience, how much does a person change during boot camp?

Thanks again to all of you for all of your support.


No, mail to recruits is not opened except by the recruit. However, the Drill Instructors may require the recruit to open an envelope in their presence. DIs do feel the envelopes for objects (such as marijuana cigarettes, which some stupid people send to recruits occasionally). Something dumb like that does not go well for the recruit.

Also, if the DI suspects photos are inside, they will look at them first (after the recruit opens the envelope) as some stupid girlfriends/wives sometimes send pornographic pictures of themselves. Those are no-no's in boot camp and it also doesn't go well for the recruit (but not as bad as getting dope).

As far as change, it depends on the individual. Some don't change much, others change a lot. No telling. Those that can't adjust to the Marine Corps way of doing things get to go back to flipping burgers.

[MOS4429]

"He seemed very excited and had already taken off his wedding ring. When we all gathered to say goodbye today, he was really eager to get going, but it was hard for his 19-year-old bride."

It sounds as though you might want this marriage to fail, which probably would not be the best thing at this point for your concerns regarding "self-esteem or self-confidence, and has no direction, so this will hopefully provide him with discipline and clarity."

He MIGHT perceive that as a failure of himself.

[MOS4429]

(sorry, computer acting up, didn't get to finish the post because computer decided to send it on its own)

To finish my question...are the letters we send to the recruits in boot camp screened before they're given to the recipients? I was just curious...

Another question: in your experience, how much does a person change during boot camp?

Thanks again to all of you for all of your support.

Mail. Screen only for foreign substances and drugs. And it is correct, if a D.I. is suspicious, he will open it in front of him. I had to do this when a stupid friend of mine sent a piece of hard candy in an envelope knowing very well what would happen. My senior asked what I wanted to do with it. I told him shvit can it. He said eat it. I put it in my mouth and he said DONE? I told him no, sir. He changed his look and said, "DONE???" I swallowed it whole and said, "YES, SIR."

What can you expect? Changes vary. It would probably be best at this point to not put out a laundry list of expected changes, because he may not measure up to your expectations. Instead, I would recommend to support him, his new bride, when you write not to rant about the negatives of the marriage but always be positive, and then be pleasantly surprised on graduation day.

[Lisa 23]

Marinestepmom, be sure to keep us updated on your stepson Nick's progress through boot camp.
Write to him....lots! Letters are very important to recruits as they go through boot camp. Keep them positive, upbeat and encouraging!

[Marinestepmom]

Nick is in his third week of boot camp now. His wife just received the postcard with his address (as well as a list of what can and cannot be sent) a few days ago, so we can all write to him now. I don't expect much in the way of return letters from him because he's not much of a reader or writer--plus I know that he has very limited free time. I don't know if his wife has written to him yet. I've tried to keep in touch with her, have invited her over for dinner, offered to help her pay for obedience training for the puppy she bought for Nick right before he left, offered to take her shopping for a new outfit to celebrate starting her first full-time job last week (with Quicken Loans), but have been turned down. I will admit that I have had a bad feeling about her and the whole marriage situation right from the start (can't put my finger on exactly why), but whatever happens down the road with the marriage, for the time being, she is my stepdaughter-in-law and I'm trying to play nice.

I went on her Facebook page and, other than her 'signature' photo that appears with all her posts, there are no photos of Nick or the wedding...very strange.

I haven't written to Nick yet, but I will keep my gut feelings to myself and stay upbeat and positive. His graduation is November 23rd. I am looking forward to it.

[Marinestepmom]

We received our first letter from Nick a couple of days ago...he reminds me of a kid who's at summer camp for the first time and is homesick. (Anyone out there remember 'Camp Granada' by Allan Sherman??) Anyway, he has been ill (didn't provide details) and had his wisdom teeth pulled. He got yelled at a lot the first week or so but it seems to have calmed down. He said they march a lot...he's been attending church every Sunday, which I think is wonderful. He and his brother both attended Catholic school from kindergarten on and I think they felt they'd had too much Mass. Both stopped attending regularly after high-school graduation, and Nick's bride is not Catholic and her family doesn't go to church, so his regular attendance is a welcome surprise.

The other thing that struck me is his emotion in the letter. He ended his letter by saying that he loved his dad and me so much...I almost cried.

He also asked us to please give Cosmo (our golden retriever) a big hug and a treat and to send him the Detroit Free Press when the Detroit Tigers won their division (already happened).

Not once did he even hint that he didn't like where he was or what he was doing...good thing! I am proud of him.

[Lisa 23]

Sounds like he's doing OK so far, and being homesick is normal...it happens, especially to those who've never been away from home before.
Nice to hear that he's attending church.
Getting wisdom teeth out during boot camp is normal....my nephew did when he went through boot camp 2 years ago.
Keep sending him letters...they're very important! And if you don't have the training matrix already, you can follow along here......
http://www.mcrdpi.usmc.mil/training/schedule.asp

This will give you a general idea of where he's at during recruit training.

[Sizemore]

being in the corps will definitely put the maturity in him, but my advice to him is a Woman needs a man that can be there for her when she not just asks him to be but when she doesnt, that way he's there before she needs him, its sometimes easy to grow away from someone you hardly ever see and when i was in after i went to boot i didnt come home or see any family for over a year

[Marinestepmom]

His graduation date is November 23rd. He'll be home for 10 days, but he's been told that he'll have to work with the recruiter during that time to visit high schools and promote the Marines, so it won't be all fun and games. A couple of days before the wedding, his mother-in-law told me that his bride was saving her money so that she could go visit Nick every weekend while he was in combat training and MOS. Now she has a full-time job that requires her to work a minimum of 2 Saturdays a month, and she's looking for a 'serious roommate' (her words) to share a house with her. I know from personal experience that when you rent a house or apartment, you usually have to sign a lease for 1 year. Since Nick will likely get his first deployment less than a year from now, that makes me wonder if she either realizes that she may not be able to go with him--or that she's not planning on going with him. I didn't mention her looking for a roommate when I wrote him last. I figured that's her business if she wants to tell him or not.

I am really glad that he seems to be doing well. I think his time in the Marines will be the best thing that's happened to him so far. I can't wait to see him at graduation.

[Marinestepmom]

We received another letter from Nick a couple of days ago. He passed his swimming test, so that's a good thing. He also told us that he'd had a couple of cavities filled, so his teeth are all good now. We knew about the cavities before he left and advised him to take care of them before we left because we figured that our dentist might be a little more gentle than a Marine dentist, but he didn't heed our advice, so...he also has tonsillitis, so he may have to have them removed. I know that if he spends too much time in the infirmary, it will set him back. Hopefully, he will heal quickly.

He mentioned in a letter to his mother that when he came home after graduation, he was going to see if he could work at the recruiter's office so he would be able to be home for the holidays and not go back for combat training until after the New Year. Since his graduation is scheduled for November 23rd, he would be home for over a month. Is this even a possibility?

[MOS4429]

We received another letter from Nick a couple of days ago. He passed his swimming test, so that's a good thing. He also told us that he'd had a couple of cavities filled, so his teeth are all good now. We knew about the cavities before he left and advised him to take care of them before we left because we figured that our dentist might be a little more gentle than a Marine dentist, but he didn't heed our advice, so...he also has tonsillitis, so he may have to have them removed. I know that if he spends too much time in the infirmary, it will set him back. Hopefully, he will heal quickly.

He mentioned in a letter to his mother that when he came home after graduation, he was going to see if he could work at the recruiter's office so he would be able to be home for the holidays and not go back for combat training until after the New Year. Since his graduation is scheduled for November 23rd, he would be home for over a month. Is this even a possibility?

Thanks for keeping us updated. Having teeth fixed while in boot camp is normal. They do an initial examination and then they rate your teeth (at least that's what they used to do), and you keep going back until they are taken care of. Don't worry about he seeing a Marine dentist. The Marine Corps doesn't have any dentists. Instead they use auto mechanics who pull teeth with vice grips, drill them out with Black & Decker drills, and fill them with window putty. (Just kidding, of course.) But in reality the Navy has dentists, and they are not much different than any other dentist. I had my wisdom teeth out after boot camp. They did a good job on the first set, and on the second two taken out, the dentist actually did use vice grips, and that I kid you not. But they were sterile, and it made sense, because he grabbed on to the tooth, and in no time pulled it out. It was much cleaner than when I had the first two out with conventional dental instruments. I was in for 9 years, and I only saw one dentist that I didn't particularly like, but how many civilian dentists are there we may not like. So, he's getting good care is the bottom line.

As far as the work at the recruiter's office, after boot camp, he will be sent to his MOS school. How much time he may be allowed off is dependent on when the school begins. If it begins December 5, for instance, he's not going to stay home on recruiter's assistance duty. But I believe that is what he is talking about is requesting recruiter's assistance duty. He can always ask. Probably won't happen, though, so I wouldn't get my hopes up too much.

Glad to hear he is doing well. BTW, getting tonsilitis, laryngitis, colds and the like happens. He is living in close quarters with probably about 70 other recruits, so when one gets something, it's not unusual for a bunch more to get ill. And I don't remember if he was going to PI or SD, but if going to SD, they bus you to Pendleton about midway through, and though only 30 miles north, it is quite a climate change.

[Lisa 23]

This might help you out some......

Marine Corps Recruit Assistance
While on leave, recruits may be selected for the “Permissive Recruiter Assistance Support Program” (PRASP) to help out USMC recruiting efforts in their hometowns.

Recruiter’s assistance is an opportunity for a new Marine, home on a post-boot camp 10-day leave, to work at their local recruiter’s office. It’s a great way to work towards a promotion.

A lot of Marines really enjoy this opportunity, as they are proud to have recently earned the title of “Marine” and are now back home as a new person.

PTAD: USMC

PTAD is “Permissive Temporary Assigned Duty”, which, in this case, means “recruiter’s assistance”. Not every Marine is even eligible for recruiter’s assistance; it depends largely on what MOS you are in. Specifically, infantry Marines and reservists are not eligible for recruiting assistance duty.

So what does USMC recruit assistance entail? Well, it’s usually long hours (often it’s from 7am-7pm Mon-Sat) where you will assist recruiters in your hometown. The job changes depending on the needs of the recruiters, but in general, it means accompanying recruiters to talk about the Corps to high school-aged teens around town. You may attend events, go to shopping malls or other locations where potential recruits may be found and you’ll relate to them as someone from their own town who chose to join the Marine Corps. You’ll answer their questions and help prepare poolees for boot camp. Who better to give useful advice than a Marine fresh from boot camp? Also, recruit assistants help with a random assortment of tasks like scheduling training events and calling interested people.

Marine Corps recruit assistance does not have a set amount of time, but it tends to be about two weeks long.

http://marinecorpsrecruit.com/usmc-recruiter/marine-corps-recruit-assistance/



Recruiter's Assistance after Bootcamp Graduation

http://www.recruitparents.com/bootcamp/ra.asp

[vets rep]

Almost everyone in my platoon (not boot camp platoon, but fleet platoon) who got married while in service has gotten divorced (some even multiple times).

Now that I think of it, I can only recall one of my platoon mates that is still married, but he was married way prior to joining the corps.

[Marinestepmom]

We just found out that Nick told his mom in his last letter to her that he wished he hadn't joined...but we were told to expect that. I think as time goes on and he gets deeper into it that he will eventually realize what an accomplishment this is and he will feel pride in becoming a Marine. This is the biggest thing he's ever done so far and he made the choice on his own to enlist. Even if he's not proud of himself yet, we certainly are proud of him and have let him know this.

He's now into Week 5. I hope that if he has to spend time in the infirmary for his tonsils, that he doesn't lose too much ground.

I had mentioned earlier that his new wife got him a puppy for his birthday a week before he left. From what I have observed, I don't think she has it anymore--probably the best thing (depending on what she did with it) as she does not have the resources or the maturity to give the dog proper care. She also told me she's getting a new car this weekend. Originally she said she wanted to wait until Nick graduated so they could make their first 'big purchase' together, but the car she was driving died, so she really doesn't have a choice. Not sure if she told Nick yet.

I will update when we get our next letter.


He's now into

[vets rep]

We just found out that Nick told his mom in his last letter to her that he wished he hadn't joined...but we were told to expect that. I think as time goes on and he gets deeper into it that he will eventually realize what an accomplishment this is and he will feel pride in becoming a Marine.

My first hours in boot camp I felt like I made the biggest mistake in my life by joining. I would constantly whine and complain about how much the military sucked...but whenever I got leave I was one of those show offs...running around town with my USMC shirt on, and looking for opportunities to get into my dress uniform. hehehe.....I'm sure your son will be the same.

When I left the marine corps I swore that I would never become one of those crusty old vets that joins clubs and wears hats with pins in them, but look at me now...I'm a member of at least 3-4 veterans clubs, members of veteran forums such as this, and I'm constantly calling my old platoon mates to shoot the breeze with.

My Dad was so ****ed when I joined, but everytime we go out to a social function, he's the first one telling people that his "son is a u.s. marine"--

This post might sound cheezy, but I bet its true for a lot of devil dogs.

[Marinestepmom]

We received updates on Nick's progress...he's now completed rappelling and the gas chamber. He thought both of these were fun (!), can't wait to find out how he does with rifles. He still misses everyone at home but seems like he's already grown up by leaps and bounds. I'm really proud of him and am looking forward to Family Day and graduation.

I think the thing that impresses me most is that he passed his written test. This might sound strange, but since Nick has ADD, he has always had trouble taking tests and needed a lot of help in preparing. So this is a big deal. One thing that is definitely in his favor is that he is around people who did not know him as the kid with ADD that struggled in school. They only know him as a Marine recruit.

His bride bought a 2012 Ford Focus and an iPhone. She seems to be having a good time partying with her friends...not sure where she's getting the money, since a few weeks ago, she said she couldn't save enough to buy a car because she was paying Nick's bills. I wonder if her source would like to buy me a new car too--I drive a 2001 Taurus with 165,000 miles on it.

More to come...

[Marinestepmom]

Last Friday, we received a letter from Nick that he'd written the prior Sunday (the 23rd) that almost broke my heart. He didn't qualify in his firearms test the first time around and apologized three different times in the letter, saying that he was sorry he'd let us down and that he was trying his best. He also sounded hurt that his new wife bought a new car without him after she said she wanted to wait for him to come home so they could make their first big purchase together. (He called it 'her car', not 'our car' in the letter. Nick would never admit to being hurt over something like that, but I know him well enough to read between the lines.) He did state that he had the week to work toward his qualification. I wrote him back and told him that he should NEVER think that he was letting us down, that we were very proud of what he had accomplished so far, that he is stronger, smarter, and more capable than he thinks he is, and that I knew he could qualify on the next try. (If you recall, I stated previously that Nick has ADD.) His wife texted me last night that he passed. Now we can breathe...at least until the Crucible. I'm sure all the recruits get nervous about it. We were told that if one recruit fails, the whole platoon fails. Boy, talk about a reason to succeed...

Bride went to a Halloween party last Friday dressed as a 'French pinup girl' (her description)...I didn't see photos yet but am afraid to look anyway. I really wanted to tell her that she should dress as a married woman instead, but bit my tongue. I see trouble ahead.

[Phantom Blooper]

Good luck to recruit Nick....

The updates that you are given remind me of the old sitcom Peyton Place....

If the bride can't behave now and goes against everything that was said before the wedding and boot camp....there maybe T R O U B L E with a capital T when the recruit comes home.....especially if the French Pinup Girl has already had her tail pinned.

[Marinestepmom]

If you read my prior posts, you'll note that said bride is nineteen years old and that she and Nick had known each other a VERY short time when he proposed. (Actually, she was still eighteen when he asked.) She is acting like a nineteen-year-old and, as they say, when the cat's away, the mice will play. I have a bad feeling that she will cheat on him (if she hasn't already) and that she will get pregnant by someone other than Nick. I think she does love him, but in a teenage sort of way, and neither one of them has any clue whatsoever about marriage.

I can tell by Nick's letters that he has already grown up considerably since he entered boot camp, but I don't think that she has changed at all. When they first started dating (less than a year ago, and they've already been married for more than three months), we thought that she might be good for him since he seemed headed down the wrong path and she seemed to be pretty calm and quiet. We now know that she's a heavy-duty partier and she drinks a lot (her own words).

Divorce is not pleasant, but I do not wish to see my stepson played for a fool and have his feelings trampled. Every day, I pray for Nick's safety (and my gut feeling is that he will be safe no matter where he is deployed) and for this marriage to turn out as it is meant to be--and also for Nick to learn whatever lesson(s) come from this experience the first time so he does not become a 'repeat offender' and go through multiple divorces.

What I am hoping for (if the marriage is not meant to be) is that Nick matures enough during his time in the Marines to realize the error in getting married too young, too soon, and for the wrong reasons--and that he does not create a child to further complicate the issue.

I know that his primary focus must be on his service to his country. He enlisted by his own free will and he is bound to honor that commitment. Everything else must be secondary. I am not sure that his wife understands this.

I am SO happy he qualified in firearms. I can't wait to see him in his dress blues at graduation.

[Marinestepmom]

We leave on the 21st (this coming Monday) for Nick's graduation on the 23rd. We're all looking forward to seeing him. I have a couple of questions...maybe somebody can help me out here. Since we're leaving to come home right after his graduation, we should get home either very late on the 23rd or early on the 24th (it's approximately a 13.5-hour drive). He will be leaving on the 5th. His bride was over on this past Sunday and she said that he hasn't heard yet whether he can get the extension or not but if he got it, he would be home until after Christmas. Is this true? I thought he could only get it for 2 weeks, which would have him leaving on 12/19. She also said that he would be allowed home for 2 days during Christmas (if he didn't get the extension). Is THIS true? Also--Nick's mother told us that he'd written her and said he already had his airline ticket and that he was going to California for combat training instead of Virginia as we were originally told. Bride says he's going to North Carolina--and that the job he's training for is only available in the U.S., so he wouldn't be deployed overseas. This last part doesn't seem right since he's going into transportation logistics. It would seem to me that this job would be available at any Marine base.

One more question (and I may have already asked this a long time ago)--is the first deployment usually unaccompanied? How long do deployments usually last? Bride said that even though deployments in the other branches generally last a year, Marine deployments last only 6-8 months.

I am still smelling much marital trouble brewing and do not want Nick to be distracted by domestic issues when he needs to be concentrating on his military duty--but he is the one who must deal with whatever happens.

He sent us his target from his first firearms practice. He didn't even hit the paper on the 3rd figure. Now that he has qualified as 1st and 2nd, he wants us to save the target for posterity.

He also told us that he thought the night maneuvers were fun. I believe he's going through the Crucible this week, so I've been praying that he and the rest of the platoon all pass so they can graduate next week.

I will post more later.

[Zulu 36]

Sounds like Nick is getting through OK. Little hitches in the giddy-up are normal, so his having some problem on the rifle range are no big deal, especially since he did qualify OK during his remedial training.

If he is going to boot camp at PI, he will be going to Camp Lejuene, NC for MCT. His MOS school will be in the U.S., but it will depend exactly on what kind of unit he is assigned to afterward as to whether he is deployable or not.

He is always subject to a general overseas assignment in Japan or Okinawa for a year. Normally the first assignment is a one-year unaccompanied tour. These type of assignments are considered Permanent Change of Station (PCS), not deployments.

If he is assigned to a fleet unit, and is tasked to go with a unit deploying to Afghanistan, there will be about six-months of workups during which he won't be home a lot. Then a seven-month deployment. Because of the shorter deployment time, Marines don't get R&R leave in the middle like the Army does.

If he is tasked to go on a MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit), that will mean six-months of workups followed by six-months at sea (usually with periodic port stops for liberty). But MEUs are normally the first combat units into any trouble spot.

If he is assigned to a base unit stateside, he'll mostly have a 0700-1630 job.

As far as "an extension" on his leave, he is probably talking about Recruiters Assistance. That lasts about a month, although he will be working whenever the recruiters need him, possibly six or seven-days per week. He'll be a Marine then and the needs of the Corps will far outweigh his (or his family's) desires.

Nick may have two-days off for Christmas, but that doesn't mean he can go home. A 13 hour drive sounds well past liberty limits for a 48-hour liberty. If he is in MCT then, count on strict liberty limits being in force. I'm a former-Detroiter, I was stationed at Camp Lejuene once, and home was beyond 48-hour liberty limits then. You or his wife MAY be able to visit him, however. He won't know until he gets to MCT and learns the rules of the place.

I looked at the calendar, and noticed Christmas is on a Sunday. Normally, the Marine Corps tries to turn Christmas into a 96-hour liberty (four-days). Liberty limits are extended. However, I can't speak for MCT as it's not the fleet.

If Nick can make it through the Crucible, and doesn't get hurt, he's pretty much home free. Good luck.

[Lisa 23]

Wow....Nick is close to graduation already. It seems like he just left. Those 3 months went by pretty quick.

On family day, get there early enough so you can see them on their moto run around base. It truly is a great thing to see after not seeing them for 3 months. You won't be able to talk with him just yet. When you do finally get to see Nick when they march into the all weather building (I believe that's what's it's called....and hopefully they'll be in uniform), you'll be amazed at how OUTSTANDING he'll look. When they finally get dismissed for liberty, and everyone in the family gets to see him, try and have Nick show all of you some of Parris Island....and most importantly, and I know ALL recruits are told this.....DO NOT take him off Parris Island for family day, no matter how much his new bride may want to do this. Taking him off Parris Island on family day for a few hours will result in him not graduating. She also needs to keep her public effection for him under control. Believe me, those Drill Instructors have eyes EVERYWHERE!

Have a safe trip to and from Parris Island, take lots of pics, enjoy family day and most of all.....graduation!

[Marinestepmom]

Nick is a handsome guy anyway (just like his dad!), so I know he'll look great. I'm sure he'll tell us that he can't leave the base, so that shouldn't be a problem.

One of the things that concerns me is how his bride dresses. She is a big girl (5' 9" and I'm guessing at least 225 lbs.), but she thinks she has a great body and needs to show it off as much as possible. So everything she wears is too small, too short, too tight, and always low-cut. (Especially her jeans--they are always too small and her belly pushes them down, so she's always pulling them up. I've seen way too much 'cleavage'.) I know Nick has changed a lot since he started boot camp and he's definitely a lot more mature than when he left, so I don't want him to be embarrassed by her. This is not something that I can discuss with her. Any suggestions?

[Phantom Blooper]

MCRD and military bases do have a dress code....so she does need to dress appropriately and conservative.

l. Civilian Clothing
(1) This Order provides the local regulations pertaining to the standards of dress for civilian clothing for all persons aboard this installation. When civilian clothing is worn, all persons aboard Camp PenMarine Corps installations will ensure that their dress and personal appearance are conservative and commensurate with the high standards traditionally associated with the Marine Corps.
(2) Dependents, Retirees, Civilian Employees, Contractors and Civilian Guests are expected to meet certain standard of dress for civilian clothing at Camp Pendleton.
(a) Military sponsors are accountable to ensure that their dependents and civilians guests are aware of and comply with the standards provided in this Order.
(b) Higher standards of civilian dress may be prescribed for special events and activities.
(c) Failure to meet the standards of civilian dress by all persons aboard base will result in the individual being denied access to that particular service, activity, event, or area for which the individual is inappropriately dressed.
m. Standards of Dress
(1) Standards of dress for civilian clothing worn by all service members, retirees, civlian employees, contractors, dependents, and civilian guests aboard the base are as follows:
(a) Clothing should be clean, well-maintained and properly fitted.
(b) Clothing should be worn to present a neat, orderly appearance (e.g., buttoned, belted or zipped, or fastened).
(2) The following examples of inappropriate civilian dress are general and apply to all persons aboard base. These examples of inappropriate civilian dress and appearance are not all inclusive, but they represent dress and appearance which is considered to be not in keeping with the spirit and intent of these regulations and therefore not permitted on this installation.
(a) Clothing with printing, insignia or pictures which are sexually or violently offensive, obscene or suggestive in nature; promote illegal activities; depict derogatory social, religious, racial or ethnic messages; or present an impression contrary to the good order and discipline of the armed forces and the Marine Corps Base.
(b) Clothing which fits excessively brief or tight.
(c) Clothing which fits excessively baggy or loose.
(d) Bare feet in public areas except for designated swimming, sunbathing, and recreational areas.
(e) Bare chest or “shirtless” for men in public areas except for designated swimming or sunbathing areas or as authorized by area commanders.
(f) Clothing which is torn, ragged or dirty.
(g) Clothing and accessories which are intended to present a paramilitary appearance or to serve as weapons.
(h) Clothing that is designed primarily to be worn as nightwear/sleepwear.
(i) Half-shirts or abbreviated shirts or athletic items designed to be worn as an undergarment (sportsbra) are not authorized at any gym facility.
n. Minimum Dress Standards Intent. The below is provided to ensure that all understand what the minimum casual dress standards encompass and which facilities imposed the minimum dress standards aboard base.
(1) The minimum standard of casual civilian dress for normal activities and business in public areas is as follows:
(a) Upper body. For men, a complete coverage short sleeve type shirt with or without pocket and designed to be worn as
an outer garment. For women, a blouse or top that provides conservative coverage.
(b) Lower Body. For men or women, shorts of conservative length and suitable for casual wear as opposed to strictly athletic activity such jogging, biking, and swimming.
(c) Footwear. Athletic or walking shoes or sandals with or without socks. Males and females are authorized to wear thong type footwear (except for shower shoes that are specifically designed for showering). Slippers or footwear designed primarily for nightwear/sleepwear are not permitted.
(d) Headgear
1. All headgear, when worn, will be worn appropriately, with the bill to the front of the head.
2. All headgear will be removed indoors.
3. The wear of clothing articles not specifically designed to be normally worn as headgear (e.g. Bandannas, Doo Rags) is prohibited.
(2) Exceptions
(a) Clothing such as tank tops, sleeveless T- shirts and athletic type shirts and shorts are appropriate only for quarters areas, physical training, sporting activities, and recreation type areas.
(b) Items designed as or resembling swimwear (bikinis, speedos, bathing suits) are appropriate for beaches and pools only.
(c) Spandex type gym attire is authorized while conducting physical training, provided that the fit of such attire is not indecent or in poor taste.

[Lisa 23]

Marines have a dress code when in civilian attire, so maybe you could somehow say to her that there's a dress code for civilians onboard Parris Island, which there is, and that she should dress appropriately........nice clothes, no low cut tops.

[Phantom Blooper]

There is a civilian dress code...and the sponsor is responsible for the dependents.....how this works with recruits and new Marines with civilian guests I don't know.

But if you are a dependant or a guest of an active or retired Marine they are responsible for dress and behavior.

[Harlee]

Stepmom- You probably won't need to discuss it with her, she will learn when she starts shopping on base at the commissary/exchange. Dress codes can be enforced, and she could be asked to leave. Also, if you son has an issue with the way his wife dresses then he should speak to her about it.

[Harlee]

Hmm, I just realized the dress question was likely related to his graduation. If so then yes I would try to say something to her beforehand, I'd hate for your son to be embrassed. Congrats, graduations and promotions are so much fun!

[Marinestepmom]

I am not going to talk to her about her attire. She is gone for the weekend visiting friends at college and will be in an 'altered' state of mind; also, I don't feel I should have to tell her. If Nick hasn't informed her of the dress code already, she can find it online. She is a married woman now (even if she doesn't act like one) and she should not need to be told how to dress. Besides, I don't have that kind of relationship with her. I have only seen her once since Nick left for boot camp in August--and that was just this past Sunday. If I told her how to dress, she wouldn't listen to me anyway.

If she doesn't have the common sense to dress appropriately, and is not permitted to attend the activities, I guess she will learn her lesson.

I do have another question: Will Nick be permitted to have a cell phone and a laptop in combat training and MOS?

[E4O]

I am not going to talk to her about her attire. She is gone for the weekend visiting friends at college and will be in an 'altered' state of mind; also, I don't feel I should have to tell her. If Nick hasn't informed her of the dress code already, she can find it online. She is a married woman now (even if she doesn't act like one) and she should not need to be told how to dress. Besides, I don't have that kind of relationship with her. I have only seen her once since Nick left for boot camp in August--and that was just this past Sunday. If I told her how to dress, she wouldn't listen to me anyway.

If she doesn't have the common sense to dress appropriately, and is not permitted to attend the activities, I guess she will learn her lesson.

I do have another question: Will Nick be permitted to have a cell phone and a laptop in combat training and MOS?

Yes for both, BUT for MCT there are limitations set forth by instructors where and when he can use his cell phone and laptop (I went in 2006). While in the field he is not allowed to have them. MOS school is more lenient.

[Marinestepmom]

After driving for about 16 hours from Michigan, we arrived at Yemassee (spelling?) near Parris Island. Family Day is tomorrow and we can't wait to see Nick. He was permitted to call his bride on Sunday and spoke with her for about 15 minutes. She said the connection wasn't very good, but that he sounded 'older'. I'm sure he has changed a tremendous amount in the three months he's been gone. (She's afraid she won't recognize him...) He said that the Crucible was pretty rough, but not as bad as he expected it to be. Anyway, everyone passed, so he gets to graduate. We just found out a couple of days ago that he has to purchase his dress uniform. What is the cost for this? We would love to give him money towards the cost as a Christmas present. Is this permissible?

I may sound like a sentimental fool, but I know I'm going to cry at the graduation ceremony. I'm SO proud of him, and he's not even my biological child.

More after Family Day...

[Phantom Blooper]

When he gets his final pay....his uniforms and other expenses...taxes...ect will be subtracted from his pay....he won't have to pay out of pocket.

Then each month he will be given an allowance to maintain uniforms...broke down over 12 months.

Glad he made the cut....congratulations to him!

[Marinestepmom]

We got back home from Parris Island at 2 this morning (15-hour drive). Nick graduated yesterday. He looked great in his uniform and we're SO proud of him. He's lost quite a lot of weight and is pretty muscular. Now he's trying to get used to our weather. (It was about 30 degrees warmer in South Carolina.)

The ceremony was held indoors since it had been raining, and, other than passing through a metal detector at the entrance, there was no other screening process and people were entering wearing clothing that I would have thought was inappropriate. One girl, who appeared to be pregnant, wore skin-tight leggings and a short, loose top. Her belly protruded from underneath the top and over the leggings. A couple of women wore low-cut dresses. Some of the younger guys wore sagging pants (though not extreme). None of these people were denied entrance. I was surprised.

Nick reports to Camp Lejeune on December 5th. I asked him if he would be permitted to have a cell phone (forgot to ask about the laptop), and he said he could have the phone, but that he would only have access to it once a week.

[Marinestepmom]

Nick's been at Camp Lejeune for a week now. He has had access to his cell phone for a short time each day except for when he was out in the field. We found out yesterday that he is in a more intense training group than what he originally thought he would be--apparently, he is training with the infantry. (He told us he would get to toss grenades today.) He is also getting a 10-day leave at Christmas. My husband is now afraid that Nick changed his mind about what direction he wants to go and is afraid to tell anybody. Nick says he hasn't (and I really hope he's telling the truth), but is there any other reason why he would be training with these guys--and why he gets 10 days instead of 48 hours for the holidays?

[Marinemom32]

My son is also getting a 10-day leave but he will be graduating from SF training on 12/22, then reports to his new duty station and is able to leave at noon on 12/23/11. At least this is what he told me last night.....this is all subject to change of course.

[Lisa 23]

Marinemom32.....any update on how Nick is doing these days?

[Marinemom32]

Marinemom32.....any update on how Nick is doing these days?

I think you meant this for Marinestepmom...But hopefully he is doing better..I hope he is no longer having doubts.

[Lisa 23]

I think you meant this for Marinestepmom...But hopefully he is doing better..I hope he is no longer having doubts.

You are correct....sorry about that.

[MarineDAD92]

I may sound like a sentimental fool, but I know I'm going to cry at the graduation ceremony....

As you know by now, you weren't alone in your tears of pride/joy. My father who has shed maybe 2 tears in his entire life, couldn't hold them back when he saw his oldest grandson's graduation. It is a very powerful moment indeed.

[Marinemom32]

As you know by now, you weren't alone in your tears of pride/joy. My father who has shed maybe 2 tears in his entire life, couldn't hold them back when he saw his oldest grandson's graduation. It is a very powerful moment indeed.

It is so powerful!! The pride and just the emotion of not seeing your son/daughter for 13 weeks, this was a very emotional moment, almost overwhelming

[jclarke]

He won't get paid at the recuiter's office, new Marine's mainly go to help with paperwork or the poolees. Don't any read/listen to the news of Military families needing to go on Food Stamps! He'll have to go to MCT 10-day's after Boot. IF he's lucky, he'll get picked up, if not, he'll be in "holding" for a couple of weeks. Also, he'll get v-e-r-y little time to write, much less call. The Corps tells him what, where with whom, not his new wife (she gained 30 lbs? Why?). He'll be in the field 80% of the time, and a lot of classwork, plus "Fire-watches". We heard from ours twice, the Sunday after he got there, then on Christmas Day.


We received another letter from Nick a couple of days ago. He passed his swimming test, so that's a good thing. He also told us that he'd had a couple of cavities filled, so his teeth are all good now. We knew about the cavities before he left and advised him to take care of them before we left because we figured that our dentist might be a little more gentle than a Marine dentist, but he didn't heed our advice, so...he also has tonsillitis, so he may have to have them removed. I know that if he spends too much time in the infirmary, it will set him back. Hopefully, he will heal quickly.

He mentioned in a letter to his mother that when he came home after graduation, he was going to see if he could work at the recruiter's office so he would be able to be home for the holidays and not go back for combat training until after the New Year. Since his graduation is scheduled for November 23rd, he would be home for over a month. Is this even a possibility?

[jclarke]

The dress code will be enforced. I saw it happen in the Exchange on Family Day. Also, at MCT, the same thing, she'll h-a-v-e to dress and appear as a Marine's wife. For what little I know, it's all about deportment and conduct. If she's seen in dress that is not condusive to the Marine's, it will definetly hurt your son's advancements.

I'm 6'5" and weigh 200. Can't imagine what you're seeing. To me, sounds like she has no care/worry since she's gotten married.

[Lisa 23]

He won't get paid at the recuiter's office, new Marine's mainly go to help with paperwork or the poolees. Don't any read/listen to the news of Military families needing to go on Food Stamps! He'll have to go to MCT 10-day's after Boot. IF he's lucky, he'll get picked up, if not, he'll be in "holding" for a couple of weeks. Also, he'll get v-e-r-y little time to write, much less call. The Corps tells him what, where with whom, not his new wife (she gained 30 lbs? Why?). He'll be in the field 80% of the time, and a lot of classwork, plus "Fire-watches". We heard from ours twice, the Sunday after he got there, then on Christmas Day.

jclarke........the post you quoted is from back in November of last year. Not being rude here, but if you bothered to read further, you would see that Marinestepmom's stepson Nick has already been at Camp Lejeune for his MCT training since December, and I'm sure by now, he's close to being done, if not done from MCT, and possilby on his way to his MOS school now.
Post #114.......

Nick's been at Camp Lejeune for a week now. He has had access to his cell phone for a short time each day except for when he was out in the field. We found out yesterday that he is in a more intense training group than what he originally thought he would be--apparently, he is training with the infantry. (He told us he would get to toss grenades today.) He is also getting a 10-day leave at Christmas. My husband is now afraid that Nick changed his mind about what direction he wants to go and is afraid to tell anybody. Nick says he hasn't (and I really hope he's telling the truth), but is there any other reason why he would be training with these guys--and why he gets 10 days instead of 48 hours for the holidays?


As for the appearance of his wife, that is something that Nick has to take care of for himself. And I highly doubt that with his wife being heavy will hurt his chances for advancement. Nick is the one who has to do what it takes to get promoted, not his wife.

[jclarke]

You're right Softball, I totally missed the date on that!

As far as the other? Well, from what I saw living under a Marine's roof, how things go (or went at the time) also depended on the deportment and conduct of his family! It didn't matter if the family lived on or off the base. Much made an accounting of what happened, or didn't happen. Maybe thing's have changed in that respect.

[Phantom Blooper]

A Marine is responsible for his and his dependants behavior on and off base.

The Marine cannot help the physical apperance of others whether overweight or ugly.....

However he is responsible as the sponsor to encure that his dependants and guests dress and behave appropriately while on a military installation.

Civil laws apply out in town for both the Marine and family.....but the Marine is still expected to conform to the dress codes and standards of the Marine Corps whether on base ....leave...or liberty.

Until the dependant sets foot on base she/he can wear or do anything they want within legal limits and abide by the civialian laws that all have to follow....no shoes...no shirt...concealed firearms ect.

[jclarke]

Well, all I know is what I saw, heard and was a part of in Georgia, Hawaii and Camp Pendleton. And that was 40-odd year's ago. The wives were to dress and conduct themselves appropriately as a Marine wife. The young teens were expected to conduct themselves accordingly, or the Marine husband/father would hear about it. It didn't matter if the family lived on or off base.garment's.

I know, because a stupid, unthought of remark I made within earshot of someone had my Dad (a Warrant Officer) in front of his CO the following Monday. And I heard about it (AND felt it) when he got home. Another got in serious with his CO because of his wife's "inappropriate" choice of garment to wear.

But, that was decade's ago, and things have changed. I do know of someone who got a dishonorable from the Army because of how his family (especially his wife) conducted themselves.

But hey, we all have our own experiences and observation's, past and present. What one sees, hears or is a part of will be as different as witnesses to a crime or accident. "He was tall, skinny. No, he was short, husky." "The car was red, no green, no blue".

[Phantom Blooper]

Well, all I know is what I saw, heard and was a part of in Georgia, Hawaii and Camp Pendleton. And that was 40-odd year's ago. The wives were to dress and conduct themselves appropriately as a Marine wife. The young teens were expected to conduct themselves accordingly, or the Marine husband/father would hear about it. It didn't matter if the family lived on or off base.garment's.

I know, because a stupid, unthought of remark I made within earshot of someone had my Dad (a Warrant Officer) in front of his CO the following Monday. And I heard about it (AND felt it) when he got home. Another got in serious with his CO because of his wife's "inappropriate" choice of garment to wear.

But, that was decade's ago, and things have changed. I do know of someone who got a dishonorable from the Army because of how his family (especially his wife) conducted themselves.

But hey, we all have our own experiences and observation's, past and present. What one sees, hears or is a part of will be as different as witnesses to a crime or accident. "He was tall, skinny. No, he was short, husky." "The car was red, no green, no blue".

I agree....but this is 2012.

And I do have similar memories....of yesteryear.

[Marinestepmom]

Hi all...I know I haven't posted in awhile, so here's an update. Nick was able to come home for ten days at Christmas because he ended up training with the infantry instead of doing basic combat. His dad saw him a few times, but I only got to see him once. It seems like bride and her family have forgotten that Nick has another family besides theirs, so he didn't get to have Christmas Eve with our side--and since he doesn't have a functioning vehicle of his own, he was at a disadvantage. Bride was angry that she had to work during the time he was home (although she took two weeks off when he came home after boot camp) and posted on Facebook that it was SO unfair and that everyone who had a loved one home on leave should be able to take off as much time from work as they wished. (You see the level of maturity here.) Anyway, he went back to Camp Lejeune on January 1st and was out in the field for two weeks. He came back Thursday night. Bride flew down Friday to be with him. She got fired Tuesday, likely for taking so much time off. This was her first full-time job, so I don't think she realized that she couldn't just decide on the spur of the moment to take five days off without any repercussions. My husband talked to Nick yesterday, and I guess he sounded pretty rough. It was chilly and rainy for most of the time they were out in the field. Nick really likes what he's doing, but he didn't like being out in the elements too much. My husband said Nick sounded like he'd caught a cold...all part of toughening up. He graduates from this portion of his training on Tuesday. He originally was supposed to go to Virginia for MOS, but now he says that he's not going to Virginia because his schooling is now near Camp Lejeune. I can't help wondering if he actually has changed his mind and is going to be in the infantry and is afraid to tell us because he thinks we'll freak out. I realize that going into the infantry will potentially be much more dangerous than the non-combat position he originally was going for, but this is his decision, and I know that there are really NO totally safe positions in the Marines. My gut feeling is that he will be unharmed no matter where he is sent. I guess we will find out sometime this week whether he is going into the infantry or will continue to train for logistics.

Bride isn't looking for another job because Nick's logistics training (if that's what he's doing) is supposed to be completed some time in March and she plans on joining him wherever he is stationed. I don't think she realizes that he may be sent on an unaccompanied assignment. She said at Christmastime that it was really unfair that Nick didn't know where he was going because she needed to start apartment-hunting. I tried to explain to her that the Marines don't operate that way, and that Nick will be at their beck and call for the next 3 1/2 years. I told her of my brother-in-law's niece whose Marine husband was sent on his third deployment 2 weeks before the scheduled birth of their first child. He didn't know where he was going until he was on the ship. Bride thought that his deployment should have been scheduled around the baby's birth. I don't think it's hit home with her yet that Nick's first priority is the Marines, even though he's been in since last August 29th.

She turned twenty a week ago. Maybe now she will grow up a bit, but who knows? She has saved no money, has a brand-new car, has been living with her parents, and been out with her friends every weekend. (They went to Canada for her birthday since the drinking age there is nineteen. She posted a photo on Facebook of a huge bucket full of different kinds of alcohol that someone gave her as a gift. It's more than my husband and I drink in five years.)

She also never sent out the thank-you notes from their wedding which was last July. Nick doesn't know about this. I think the only reason that she and Nick are still together is because they've been apart so much.

One of you was asking why she gained thirty pounds...it's more than that now. Her whole family is overweight; her oldest sister, who is twenty-five, must weigh about 400 pounds. Her belly hangs down to her knees...the wedding colors were orange and yellow, and bride's two older sisters were maids of honor and wore orange dresses. The really large sister looked like a giant pumpkin. I felt bad for her. I've watched what bride eats and everything is unhealthy. For instance, we had her over for dinner a couple of weeks before Nick's boot camp graduation. I made turkey chili, corn muffins, and homemade pumpkin pie. She ate half her bowl of chili but nothing else because she said she was trying to lose weight and was cutting back. When she left, we walked her out to her car and I noticed a huge bag of Reese's Pieces sitting in the passenger seat. (I didn't say anything.) We've been out to eat with her a couple of times. Both times, she got a chicken-bacon-ranch club sandwich minus lettuce and tomato on white bread, extra ranch dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, and Mountain Dew. Her mom told us before the wedding that she would be easy to support because she mostly ate candy. At the rate she's going, she should be the size of her older sister in the not-too-distant future.

Nick likes vegetables and fruit. If they stay together long enough to live together, this should be interesting.

[Zulu 36]

I hate to sound mean, but life would be so much simpler for Nick if he divorced beast-woman, and the sooner the better.

[Marinestepmom]

I have thought from the beginning that this is a marriage that was not meant to be. Both of them were far too young and had only known each other for a couple of months when they got engaged. Her mother really pushed for this wedding; it seems like she was eager for her daughter to get Nick's military benefits. Don't get me wrong--Nick is a great guy and would make a wonderful husband--in about 7 years. And if she were my daughter, I would encourage her to wait at least until Nick's four years were completed and also to go to college and at least get some direction in life before she even thought about getting married. As it was, they were engaged before her 19th birthday and got married 6 months later. She has no education beyond high school (graduated in 2010) and no clue about what she wants to do with her life other than follow Nick. I don't think anyone is ready for marriage at that age and it's essential to figure your life out before you can be a permanent part of someone else's. Nick needs to concentrate fully on being a Marine and serving his country, with no distractions.

If his first assignment is unaccompanied, I think she will get tired of waiting for him (understandable given her age and the whole situation). I just hope that whatever happens after that doesn't wreak havoc with his military duties.

[Marinestepmom]

Nick graduated from infantry training and is now at Camp Johnson, so he didn't go very far from Camp Lejeune. He is not going to Virginia. My husband spoke with him tonight and Nick said he's going to be where he is for about 4 weeks, but we don't know where he goes next. Bride is moving down in about 3 weeks. This should be interesting.

She posted photos of her birthday celebration on Facebook. I am guessing that she probably didn't feel very good the next day.

[Lisa 23]

I was at Camp Johnson for supply school. I don't know if much has changed, but there's not a whole heck of a lot to do down there.

Unless things have changed, there's no base housing for married couples, so I don't see the new bride living on base with him. And personally, I think she can wait the 4 weeks he's in his MOS school until he finds out where his first duty station will be.
You never know, his first duty station could be overseas on an unaccompanied tour.

[Marinestepmom]

Nick did say he was bored when my husband spoke with him last night...but he had just gotten there, and bride flew home earlier in the day. She's going back down on Saturday. They're planning on...

[YLDNDN6]

Trouble MAY ensue? You have just spelled out the perfect recipe for disaster. I'm with Zulu36 on this one. As harsh as it sounds, your son, and the Corps, would be better served without wifezilla muddying the waters.

[Marinemom32]

Nick graduated from infantry training and is now at Camp Johnson, so he didn't go very far from Camp Lejeune. He is not going to Virginia. My husband spoke with him tonight and Nick said he's going to be where he is for about 4 weeks, but we don't know where he goes next. Bride is moving down in about 3 weeks. This should be interesting.

She posted photos of her birthday celebration on Facebook. I am guessing that she probably didn't feel very good the next day.

haha I get a kick out of how you refer to her as "bride" and not her name or daughter in law...I am sure this "bride" is not who envisioned your stepson to be married too.....

[Marinemom32]

Trouble MAY ensue? You have just spelled out the perfect recipe for disaster. I'm with Zulu36 on this one. As harsh as it sounds, your son, and the Corps, would be better served without wifezilla muddying the waters.

I agree with both of you as well...she obivously doesn't understand that the Marine Corp is always first. If his assignment is without her, this will turely be a test of her love for him and his for her.....

[Marinestepmom]

I refer to her as 'bride' mostly to protect her identity (although she has a common first name). Since we have spent very little time with her since she and Nick started dating in late 2010, she doesn't really seem like a daughter-in-law. The other thing is that my gut feeling (which is right at least 90% of the time) says the marriage won't last, and then she won't be my daughter-in-law anyway. I don't actually dislike her, but she is obviously VERY immature and clueless about life in general--then again, pretty much everyone is at that age. It's the whole situation that bothers me the most as I can see the train wreck that lies ahead.

You are right in surmising that this is not the girl I envisioned for Nick. Actually, I hadn't envisioned anybody for him as I knew he was nowhere near ready for marriage and didn't think it would happen for several years. It's funny...shortly before he met her, he stated pretty emphatically that he wasn't going to marry until he was at least 27 and that he felt he shouldn't even have a relationship while he was in the Marines because it would be too difficult.

So here we are, a little over a year later, and Nick has been married for 6 months. I think that the only reason they're still together is because they've mostly been apart since the wedding. When I read her Facebook posts about the two of them beginning their life journey, I was tempted to comment that they are also beginning their reality. I'm sure it would've gone right over her head.

As I said earlier, this will be interesting.

[Phantom Blooper]

People I think we got TROUBLE right here in Garden City,Michigan.....with a capital "T"!

We surely got TROUBLE right here in Garden City with a capital "T"!

One consolation is that when the "bride" moves to be with Nick.....it will be his 1st Sgts.....NIGHTMARE with a capital "N"!

[Zulu 36]

People I think we got TROUBLE right here in Garden City,Michigan.....with a capital "T"!

We surely got TROUBLE right here in Garden City with a capital "T"!

One consolation is that when the "bride" moves to be with Nick.....it will be his 1st Sgts.....NIGHTMARE with a capital "N"!


The other problem here is First Sergeants don't put up with nightmares for long or with good grace.

[MarineDAD92]

As I said earlier, this will be interesting.

I know how you feel there, at this point all we can to is sit back and watch, and listen if/when it does turn south.

My son also got married "too soon". What helps us though, is that we are crazy about our daughter-in-law. She has been part of the family for several years now even though they've only been married 8mos. They have already been through some trying times but seem to be working together pretty well.

As we all know, the reality of marriage rarely lives up to the "fantasy". Also, from listening to several young Marines( and thier spouses) , the reality of the Marine Corps is pretty far removed from the image they had as poolies. So being married at this point is going to be a double dose of reality. Lots of changes in store for this young couple, hopefully things will all work out for the best.......whatever that may be.

[Marinestepmom]

I might not have such an issue with the whole situation if Nick had known her for longer than 2 months when he proposed. She was only the second girlfriend he had ever had, wasn't even 19 when they started talking marriage, and was just 7 months out of high school. I have the biggest issue with her mother, who was really eager to marry off her daughter and had the entire wedding planned before we even met her and bride's dad for the first time. If she were my daughter, I would've told them it was okay to be engaged but to wait until Nick was done with his 4 years. If they still were together at that time and felt the same about each other, then I would give them my blessing. As it is, they've only known each other for 15 months and we still barely know her. I think she parties too much and stated on her Facebook page a few months ago that she drinks too much--yet she doesn't want Nick to touch alcohol if he's not with her. Her mother is pretty controlling and I think bride is headed the same way.

The train will be leaving the station for the long dark tunnel soon. I'm not sure when the wreck will occur, but it seems almost inevitable. I just hope Nick learns whatever lesson(s) he is supposed to the first time. I would hate for him to be a 'repeat offender'.

[Marinemom32]

I might not have such an issue with the whole situation if Nick had known her for longer than 2 months when he proposed. She was only the second girlfriend he had ever had, wasn't even 19 when they started talking marriage, and was just 7 months out of high school. I have the biggest issue with her mother, who was really eager to marry off her daughter and had the entire wedding planned before we even met her and bride's dad for the first time. If she were my daughter, I would've told them it was okay to be engaged but to wait until Nick was done with his 4 years. If they still were together at that time and felt the same about each other, then I would give them my blessing. As it is, they've only known each other for 15 months and we still barely know her. I think she parties too much and stated on her Facebook page a few months ago that she drinks too much--yet she doesn't want Nick to touch alcohol if he's not with her. Her mother is pretty controlling and I think bride is headed the same way.

The train will be leaving the station for the long dark tunnel soon. I'm not sure when the wreck will occur, but it seems almost inevitable. I just hope Nick learns whatever lesson(s) he is supposed to the first time. I would hate for him to be a 'repeat offender'.

I don't blame you for one minute. Two months is hardly enough time to get to know each other. I really feel for you. Hoepfully Nick will not let himself be controlled. I wish nothing but the best to them and you...I know this has to be hard for you to sit back and watch

[Marinestepmom]

I think any conscientious parent or step-parent finds it difficult to sit back and watch their son/daughter 'screw up' and resist the urge to step in and set them straight. But at the same time, you know that this is part of growing up. You want to spare them any pain (physical or emotional), but you know you can't, so you just have to hope they don't self-destruct in the process.

[Marinestepmom]

I just found out that bride purchased furniture for their apartment: 2 couches, 3 tables, 2 lamps, and a 50-inch flat-screen television. The store she bought them from regularly runs deals where they...

[spotts]

I see non judicial punishment in his future when she starts bouncing checks all around town.

[Lisa 23]

Oh boy....sounds like Nick is in for lots of problems with his new bride.
She shouldn't be asking people to accompany her and Nick on a snowboarding trip scheduled for February 20 when Nick himself has no idea where he'll be. She needs to realize that she can't make plans for her and Nick and expect him to just take off on her beckon call......doesn't work that way. For Nick, the Marine Corps comes first, then her.
Maybe Nick's dad needs to step in and say something to him about her, or she's going to be causing him lots of problems with his chain-of-command.

[Marinestepmom]

I will leave that decision up to Nick's dad. I did tell him a short while ago about the furniture and the trip, but he avoids confrontation like the plague so I don't know if he will say anything.

I don't think they even have an apartment yet. Common sense should dictate that you should find a place to live first, then start furnishing it. What if all that furniture doesn't fit into a place they can afford?

[Zulu 36]

I did a little calculating for you. These numbers are rough and rounded off.

Nick's base pay as an E-2 under two-years: $1,671/month (FICA and federal income taxes are withheld from this). His monthly net is roughly: $1,300.

His BAH at Camp Lejuene rates: $1,100/month (not taxable)

BAS: $384/month (not taxable)

His net, all pay and allowances: $1,392/payday ($2,784/month).

That has to cover everything if wifezilla does not work.

[SGT7477]

Give her to Jody,problem solved,Semper Fidelis.

[MarineDAD92]

I don't think they even have an apartment yet. Common sense should dictate that you should find a place to live first, then start furnishing it. What if all that furniture doesn't fit into a place they can afford?


My wife ( a real estate agent) and daughter-in-law started collecting used furniture 6 mos before she moved down there with him. I think they had all of $150 in everything except for a bed, had a U-haul lined up and the trip planned with her parents.............they ended up finding a furnished apt. pretty reasonably priced.:confused:

Needless to say, we all have plenty of furniture until they decide to move.

I think I will change my "sit back and watch" statement to: "somebody probably needs to speak up on Nicks behalf since he is busy becoming a US Marine and wifezilla/dependasaurus is busy spending his money"

[Parks]

I did a little calculating for you. These numbers are rough and rounded off.

Nick's base pay as an E-2 under two-years: $1,671/month (FICA and federal income taxes are withheld from this). His monthly net is roughly: $1,300.

His BAH at Camp Lejuene rates: $1,100/month (not taxable)

BAS: $384/month (not taxable)

His net, all pay and allowances: $1,392/payday ($2,784/month).

That has to cover everything if wifezilla does not work.

It could be that I'm not reading this thread correctly and have the timeline wrong, but I see a couple issues with Nick and Bride's plans.

1. His school is not rated for dependents. Which means he can not reside off base (unless something drastic has changed in the past 3 years). We had to check in every night to make sure everyone was at the barracks. And when I was Camp Johnson (2009), we weren't even allowed in personal vehicles. Ever.

2. He'll still rate BAH for his dependent's location since his school doesn't allow dependent travel. He will also still be collecting FSA (Family Separation Allowance), but the catch here is that if he tells his chain of command that Bride moved to North Carolina "with the intent to reside there" (that's really important), he'll lose that money immediately. And they'll check him back to the day she moved there.

3. Again, since he's not allowed to live out in town, he'll still have his meal card, so no SepRats (which is the technical term, since every Marine gets BAS, but if you have a mealcard you have it taken away by the Discounted Meal Rate ((9.25 a day)). Anyway, no extra food money. And, FYI, that money is ment to pay for the Marine's food. It is not actually designed to pay for a family's grocery bill.

4. Dad needs to talk to Nick about adjusting his tax allowances. If he's married and she's not working, he can claim her and it'll reduce the amount taken out of his pay.

Long story short: Her moving to Camp Johnson is ridiculous and so is buying the furniture. He's going to a headache to his command before he even gets there with his financial issues.

[Marinestepmom]

I love the nicknames you use! I think the trip is occurring after he's completed MOS, but since he has no idea where he's going after graduation (or when), planning a trip is definitely not a good idea.

The other thing that bothers me is that she's making these purchases without his input. MarineDAD92, your daughter-in-law seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Just out of curiosity, how old are your son and his wife?

[Marinestepmom]

My husband received a text from Nick this morning. He thinks he's going to be sent to Japan. Bride has been telling people they're going to be in South Carolina.

I can't wait to find out how this plays out...

[MarineDAD92]

. MarineDAD92, your daughter-in-law seems to have a good head on her shoulders. Just out of curiosity, how old are your son and his wife?

She is 20 he will be 20 soon.

They are doing OK and seem to be making decent decions with money........until last night. Got a call saying they were going to be moving to a larger 2 bedroom apt. within the complex. One of those times where I just had to bite my tongue since they made this decision together..........my tongue is very sore this morning.

Thier current place IS small, but fine for 2 people. Oh well......

[Lisa 23]

My husband received a text from Nick this morning. He thinks he's going to be sent to Japan. Bride has been telling people they're going to be in South Carolina.

I can't wait to find out how this plays out...

If he does get sent to Japan, it will probably be on an unaccompanied tour, and I'm sure she won't be happy about that.

[Parks]

The downside to Japan is he'll make loads of money and unless he's careful, she'll spend it all.

Or he will.

[Marinemom32]

My husband received a text from Nick this morning. He thinks he's going to be sent to Japan. Bride has been telling people they're going to be in South Carolina.

I can't wait to find out how this plays out...

Wow!! What is she going to do then? He will be in Japan, and she will be here with all new furniture. Someone needs to put some sense in that girls head.

[Lisa 23]

The downside to Japan is he'll make loads of money and unless he's careful, she'll spend it all.

Or he will.

Or he can open his OWN separate account in another credit union/bank and just give her some type of living allowance for her to get by on, or.........she can get off her lazy duff and get herself a job!

[spotts]

If he doesnt get her in check now then he will have a very short stint in the Marines. I know several in my unit that were constantly receiving NJP because of their wives bouncing checks and creating chaos. Damn dependopotamus.

[Parks]

If he doesnt get her in check now then he will have a very short stint in the Marines. I know several in my unit that were constantly receiving NJP because of their wives bouncing checks and creating chaos. Damn dependopotamus.

^^ This. I just did an adsep on a Marine who couldn't handle his finances. This is a situation that needs to be nipped in the bud NOW before he ruins his career. Time to man up and take control of his wife. (I don't usually approve of that kind of behavior but she obviously needs a wake up call.)

[Phantom Blooper]

If he goes to Japan unaccompanied...she can stay home and join the Biggest Loser.....win some cash and lose some weight....2 problems solved.

[spotts]

I think Phantom has a great idea. LOl

[wildwoman73]

Sad deal all the way around. And usually the Marine pays the biggest price. Financially, emotionally, and mentally. I too have seen many male Marines seperated due to duty from their spouses and the stress of work and home drama is more than some can handle. Wish him much luck.

[jclarke]

I think him getting his paycheck into a seperate account that she will NOT have access to is the best idea (as SoftBall stated). Then he can send her an allowance, OR, better yet, it will force her to get a J-O-B, and learn for herself how hard it is to take care of the rent, food, and other payments.

When I was 18, I went hungry for several day's, endedup jumping the wal at the state fair, and grabbing a job with one of the traveling show's to work on the ride's.

We're having a bit of a time getting our Marine to rein in his spending. When I saw the "adsep" in another post, I looked it up, then messaged him about it, and what it cover's. I hope that will influence him somewhat.

[jclarke]

We're hoping he continues to adhere to our warnings about gettig caught up into a relationship so early, and to use "protection" if/when something happens. I told him to do a 180 if the girl has one in hand, as I've known of them to poke pinhole's in the end's.

[SGT7477]

We're hoping he continues to adhere to our warnings about gettig caught up into a relationship so early, and to use "protection" if/when something happens. I told him to do a 180 if the girl has one in hand, as I've known of them to poke pinhole's in the end's.
That wouldn't be good,Semper Fidelis.:flag:

[Marinemom32]

We're hoping he continues to adhere to our warnings about gettig caught up into a relationship so early, and to use "protection" if/when something happens. I told him to do a 180 if the girl has one in hand, as I've known of them to poke pinhole's in the end's.

Nothing wrong with a woman/slash girl having thier own condoms, or in hand as you say.. Just make sure it is not out of the original packing, and it is opend up on front of them.

[jclarke]

Heh, I've known of that happening believe it or not. One never knows what the other might have in their mind, or might be scheming about.

[Marinestepmom]

Nick earned his PFC stripe this week. He's pretty pleased (and so are we). His training for his position is apparently going well and he likes what he's doing. Bride is headed down to North Carolina for the third time in a month...my younger stepson (Nick's brother) came over last night and told my husband that Nick said that the Marines don't like sending people overseas on their first assignment if they're married. Is this true? From what I've observed, it seems that marital status doesn't really matter because the Marines always come first (as it should be) and that they will send people wherever they're needed.

Bride posted some more lovely photos on her Facebook page (to add to the 600+ that are already there). The photos are of her and her friend licking each other's faces. They go well with the photos of her being totally trashed on her birthday. I don't know if she realizes that employers are now using these sites when hiring...

What is 'adsep'?

[Zulu 36]

An "adsep" is short for administrative separation. A myriad of reasons the military can separate you (fire you) without recourse to a court-martial. Excessive debts or inability to control dependents...

[jclarke]

IF she doesn't know, someone should give her a clue so she can get them removed. However, she might know, and, "might" be hoping one of your Marines' senior officer's see it. And that those may get...

[Lisa 23]

I mentioned a few weeks back that I think Nick's dad needs to have a chat with him.
Nick's young bride is messing with his future and doesn't even know it, or maybe she does.
Either way, and for as much as no one may want to interfere with their marriage, I think it's time Nick's dad had a nice father son chat.
Nick has gone through hell and back to become a Marine, and she's going to mess it up with her childish behavior. She reeeeaaaalllly needs to grow up........and fast.......and start acting like a married woman that she is. Her childish behavior will not be tolerated on a Marine Corps base.....period!

[jclarke]

Someone should ask the Marine what kind of job he's willing to do should he get an ADSEP because of his "bride"?

And someone needs to straighten her up, asking her what kind of job SHE wants to work at, as well as for Nick when, not if, that happens. There are thing's parent's should keep their distance on, and there are some when they DO need to step in.

I mentioned ADSEP and NJP to our Marine because it seemed he was getting a little to "free". I also added "Please don't wait to do what is right because you've run out of choices". He got the "message", and got "back to work". I hate seeing anyone torpedo themselve's after all of the time and work they put into something.

[Harlee]

Marines don't like sending people overseas on their first assignment if they're married.

Yes, sometimes true because of the cost associated with relocating families. For example a single lower enlisted Marine in Oki will live in barracks, where one with dependent(s) on accompanied orders will rate housing, which can be worth several thousand dollars per month. Therefore if there is a choice between two Marines, one with a dependent and one without, the cost saving choice is without. The number of dependents can also influence your options. With that said their needs will come first, whether it be allowing dependents or an unaccompanied tour or a stateside PDS.

[jclarke]

Well, if he ends up going, and she with him? I wonder how much damage she incur on him there as compared to here in the U.S.?

[Ebecker]

Try to get him to wait until boot camp is over. At boot camp you get briefs pretty much every week about why you shouldn't get married. The statistics are stupidly high for divorce rates, like 50% or something for non-nco marriages. The best thing to do is wait till you go through your first deployment so both sides know what to expect.

If he does go through with it, make sure he gets a prenup. There are a ton of horror stories of a marine deploying and his/her spouse spending all their money and then divorcing and/or cheating on them because they are lonely.

[jclarke]

A pinhole can be put through the condom while it's still in the package, and not be detected short of close inspection. And all it takes is one little guy to get through....:scared:


Nothing wrong with a woman/slash girl having thier own condoms, or in hand as you say.. Just make sure it is not out of the original packing, and it is opend up on front of them.

[jclarke]

The "edit" button doesn't work too well, so I'm adding to my post above.

The condom itself would have to be removed from the package, then the "reservoir" stretched to check for any perforation's. It ain't exactly "intimate" or "arousing" but it's way better than the alternative.

[Lisa 23]

Try to get him to wait until boot camp is over. At boot camp you get briefs pretty much every week about why you shouldn't get married. The statistics are stupidly high for divorce rates, like 50% or something for non-nco marriages. The best thing to do is wait till you go through your first deployment so both sides know what to expect.

If he does go through with it, make sure he gets a prenup. There are a ton of horror stories of a marine deploying and his/her spouse spending all their money and then divorcing and/or cheating on them because they are lonely.

If you're referring to Marinestepmom's stepson Nick, he got married before he went to boot camp. He's currently at his MOS school at Camp Johnson.

[Marinestepmom]

Is there a chance that he could be sent to Japan on an unaccompanied assignment? And if so, would they have to pay a housing allowance for her expenses here? I don't know how many others in his group are training for the same position as Nick...

[Zulu 36]

Is there a chance that he could be sent to Japan on an unaccompanied assignment? And if so, would they have to pay a housing allowance for her expenses here? I don't know how many others in his group are training for the same position as Nick...


Yes, there is a very good chance he could go to Japan unaccompanied. She would receive the BAH payment and whatever else Nick allotted to her.

[Marinestepmom]

I can't approach my husband about having a talk with Nick as nobody in the family knows that I post to this forum, so he would wonder where I'm getting the information from about bride's behavior jeopardizing Nick's future as a Marine. I admit I have said some things that are not very nice about bride and her family, and I would rather not open up that Pandora's box to anyone.

I am guessing that at some point Nick and his fellow Marines have been warned about keeping their behavior (and the behavior of those attached to them) under control. I understand that it is up to the individual to decide whether he/she wants to heed that warning or not. I don't know if Nick has talked to his wife about her shenanigans or not, but that also is his choice. I do know that Nick has very little posted on his FB page, and the last time I looked, there were no incriminating photos. All of the 'bad stuff' is on her page.

My 'gut feeling' (feminine intuition?) tells me exactly where all of this is going, but I don't see Nick getting an adsep. I do see them splitting up in the not-too-distant future--especially if he is sent on an unaccompanied assignment. This will be a very painful but necessary lesson for him.

When we were at Parris Island for Nick's boot-camp graduation this past November, we were in the PX looking at t-shirts. There were some that said 'My son graduated from the USMC 1st Battalion' or 'My daughter graduated...etc.' Bride wanted to know why there weren't any that said 'My husband graduated'. I wanted to say it was because recruits weren't meant to be married, but I didn't feel like starting an argument.

Nick and his bride are both very stubborn and I am not close enough to her to suggest that she clean up her act. (She wouldn't listen to me anyway.) This is Nick's battle to fight.

I will keep you posted.

[Marinestepmom]

Bride was down in NC this weekend visiting my stepson. They went looking at houses to rent and I guess they found one they liked. All I know is that it's two stories and has no basement (which would drive me crazy as most of the houses up here have basements). I have no idea what the rent is or whether they will be permitted to have their Husky/Border Collie puppy with them. She is almost eight months old, and aside from being basically housebroken, she is totally wild and does not listen. I suggested obedience school when bride bought the dog for my stepson for his birthday last August, which was less than a week before he left for boot camp. Bride said it was too expensive even though I offered to help pay for it. Apparently going out partying with her friends was more important than the puppy's well-being, since I'm sure she has spent way more than what training would have cost. The last I heard, puppy doesn't get along with her family's elderly cat, so she is either confined to a crate or blockaded in the kitchen. She chewed a hole in the wall...I don't think most landlords would be too pleased about such an incident. (Sorry to be venting like this, but I'm a 'dog person' and am very concerned about the puppy's care--or lack of it.)

The situation changes if Nick is sent to Japan. He is supposed to find out this week.

[Marinestepmom]

Nick called tonight. He began the current phase of his training yesterday. 15 days to go...He will find out next Tuesday where he will be assigned.

I have a non-military question: Is there a way to delete old posts on a thread?

[Lisa 23]

I have a non-military question: Is there a way to delete old posts on a thread?
One of us mods can delete it for you. What one do you want deleted?

[Marinemom32]

[quote=Marinestepmom;839389]Bride was down in NC this weekend visiting my stepson. They went looking at houses to rent and I guess they found one they liked. All I know is that it's two stories and has no basement (which would drive me crazy as most of the houses up here have basements). I have no idea what the rent is or whether they will be permitted to have their Husky/Border Collie puppy with them. She is almost eight months old, and aside from being basically housebroken, she is totally wild and does not listen. I suggested obedience school when bride bought the dog for my stepson for his birthday last August, which was less than a week before he left for boot camp. Bride said it was too expensive even though I offered to help pay for it. Apparently going out partying with her friends was more important than the puppy's well-being, since I'm sure she has spent way more than what training would have cost. The last I heard, puppy doesn't get along with her family's elderly cat, so she is either confined to a crate or blockaded in the kitchen. She chewed a hole in the wall...I don't think most landlords would be too pleased about such an incident. (Sorry to be venting like this, but I'm a 'dog person' and am very concerned about the puppy's care--or lack of it.)

The situation changes if Nick is sent to Japan. He is supposed to find out this week.[/quote

That is so sad...I am most defnitely a dog person too..I have three..well one is my sons, that I begged him to to bring home...but he did anyway. My German Shephard and my little mixed sunny of I am not sure what. That poor puppy needs his exercise, and should not be in a crate all day. And if she would just work with him on her own, he ie probably very smart, and will leanrn with her, but she has to work with him, which I am guessing she won't...border collies are very high energy, and need a job to do. or they get bored and destroy things. I fell bad the the dog, and you, because you have to watch it happen

[Marinestepmom]

SoftballCatch23--I'll have to read back through all the posts to choose which ones to delete, but probably most of the ones from before Nick went to boot camp will be among those I choose. I will let you know for sure. I appreciate the help.

Marinemom32--it IS very frustrating to know that this puppy is not getting the attention she needs. While she does not appear abused in any way, she is definitely a victim of 'benign neglect', and I can't do anything about it. We have a 6-year-old male Golden Retriever who is VERY spoiled--semi-homemade raw organic diet, brushed every 2 days (including teeth!), walked at least once a day, attends doggie daycare...you get the picture. I wouldn't dream of confining him to a crate all day. Cosmo is my baby. Our vet says that when he dies, he wants to come back as a dog--but only if he can be MY dog. :) Probably the best thing for the puppy would be for her to come live with us, but my husband and I both work full time, so I'm not sure that's an option. Hopefully there will be a happy conclusion to this dilemma.

[Lisa 23]

SoftballCatch23--I'll have to read back through all the posts to choose which ones to delete, but probably most of the ones from before Nick went to boot camp will be among those I choose. I will let you know for sure. I appreciate the help.


Just let me know the number of each post, the # that's to the right of each posted post, that you want deleted and I'll do that for you.

[Marinestepmom]

Nick called my husband this afternoon and said he'll be assigned to MCAS Cherry Point and will be attached to an air wing. Does anyone have any experience with this base?

This will sound bad, but I almost wish he was going to Japan on an unaccompanied assignment. He seems like he regresses when he's around bride (acting more immaturely)--but then again, they haven't lived together on their own at all, certainly not with him on active duty every day. I know he will have to act like a Marine...I don't know how she'll handle it without her 'party friends' around.

This may be where Fantasy Island disappears and reality sets in...could be a rude awakening.

[Phantom Blooper]

This may be where Fantasy Island disappears and reality sets in...could be a rude awakening.



Boss,Boss "De plane! De plane!"

[Marinestepmom]

Apparently, Tattoo has invaded this thread. Ricardo Montalban can't be far behind...since I believe both of these actors are dead, maybe this really IS Fantasy Island. :)

[Marinemom32]

Nick called my husband this afternoon and said he'll be assigned to MCAS Cherry Point and will be attached to an air wing. Does anyone have any experience with this base?

This will sound bad, but I almost wish he was going to Japan on an unaccompanied assignment. He seems like he regresses when he's around bride (acting more immaturely)--but then again, they haven't lived together on their own at all, certainly not with him on active duty every day. I know he will have to act like a Marine...I don't know how she'll handle it without her 'party friends' around.

This may be where Fantasy Island disappears and reality sets in...could be a rude awakening.

So this will be their first time living together since they got married?I don't know much about Cherry Point, but at least now they will see how they can get along as a married couple. O am sur he has matured a lot since he has been away, and hopefully will not deal with immaturity.

[Marinestepmom]

My husband spoke again with Nick yesterday and got some more details about his assignment. He finishes his schooling in 2 weeks and gets 5 days to come home, gather all his and her stuff, and go to Cherry Point. I don't know if they're going to live on base or off, but he said earlier that dogs aren't allowed on base, so I don't know what they would do with their puppy.

He also said that his job will involve supporting a unit that is currently in Afghanistan and that he will be deployed there when this group comes back. He thinks it won't be until sometime next year, but as we all know, the situation can change very quickly. So we're getting used to the idea that he may be deployed soon. At least he's in logistics and not the infantry, but that's no guarantee of safety. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

[Marinestepmom]

Just let me know the number of each post, the # that's to the right of each posted post, that you want deleted and I'll do that for you.

If you could delete ALL posts up to #193, I would certainly appreciate it.

Thanks much.

[m14ed]

If you could delete ALL posts up to #193, I would certainly appreciate it.

Thanks much.

Are you kidding ???????

This Soap Opera has been running for almost a year.

You think you can delete a whole 3 pages of a forum ??

#posting # 195

[Lisa 23]

If you could delete ALL posts up to #193, I would certainly appreciate it.

Thanks much.

That's a lot of posts to delete. It would be better if you just wanted the whole thread permanently deleted.
Let me know.....

[Marinestepmom]

Perhaps that would be best. Can I start another thread if I wanted to post about something else?

I don't want this thread to be read by the wrong people, as it could cause some major damage, and I don't wish to travel down that road. So, yes, please delete the thread.

Thanks for the help.

[usmcpooleed4]

ive been dating my girlfriend for two years and i ship out june 4th. we've talked about getting married, but we won't do it until i am a marine. i keep telling her that i want to wait til after my first deployment at least til we tie the knot. that seems the logical thing in almost any case.