AD Marine Officer & Child Custody problem

[UTexCody]

Good morning Marines. First of all I apologize this is pretty lengthy. I am an O-2 stationed out here on the Rock right now, and I have an issue regarding child custody. Basically a little background here. After I graduated from the University of Texas at Austin, my long time girlfriend got pregnant and 9 months later she gave birth to our awesome son. Anyway, due to various reasons, we are no longer together and my boy is now 3, and his mother pretty much despises my guts with a passion. She would probably be happy if I just dropped off the face of the Earth, but she isn't so perfect & innocent herself.

We had originally decided on sharing custody of our son, but since I am in Okinawa, that somewhat became a problem and he is with his mother back home in Texas. The other week I got a letter from her attorney in Texas stating that she intends on filing for sole custody of our son and not allowing me any visitation to my son. Obviously being in Okinawa, I cannot see him unless I go home on leave, but I am concerned about when I return back from Okinawa, as to how this will affect everything.

I spoke with the Legal Assistance Office here and was told by a Major (who in all honesty did not like me too much based on my attitude as I was told) there that I really do not have many options right now since I am in Okinawa and we are not married. They told me that the case would have to be dealt with in Fort Worth since that is where my boy's mother lives and where she filed the custody case and that I should get in contact with a lawyer in Texas if possible. I was also told that since I am overseas and could deploy that the courts would not look favorably upon this. The other option I was given which I did not like the sound of and it didn't sound right is file a motion to contest what boy's mother sent me in a Japanese court, since that could be considered the jurisdiction I come under. I do not feel comfortable having the Japanese court system deal with this and I didn't even think that was possible.

I am thinking my only other option is to get in contact with an attorney back home in Texas and have it dealt with that way. I just don't want to lose my boy and I don't think its fair that she is not wanting me in his life. I know for a fact that courts in Texas almost always side with the Mother in cases like this. I also was told that Japanese courts are usually the same. I will be damned if I allow her to get away with this and not let me be in my boy's life. I have less than a year left on the Rock, and I am going to fight for my boy even if it bankrupts me. I already have a very significant portion of my pay allotted to an account back home for him, and I love him more than anything. I just feel like she has an advantage over me right now since I'm overseas. I WILL DO EVERYTHING in my power to stay in my boy's life (even if it means having to separate from the Corps sadly). I really appreciate any advice here from anyone, especially in the legal field. I also have browsed a few legal forums too around the internet, and they have been helpful, but they don't really cater towards the Military. Have any of y'all ever been in a similar situation, or know anyone that has? I am sick and tired of being told that I have no say in this issue. This is my boy that is a part of my life too, and I do not see how I should not have a right to fight for him. I didn't know where else to turn at this point. Thank you or any information / advice / opinions y'all may have.

[wildwoman73]

Not to discourage you any more than you already are, but you better find an attorney in Texas and consult with them ASAP. Tarrant County is the worst to deal with on child matters of custody. If she gets her way based on your location now, you will spend thousands of dollars later just to add that little bit of visitation in there when you return. My sister fought to get custody back of her son and spend over 30k proving his father unfit and they STILL did nothing but say NO. Get busy Sir is all I can say.

[VictoryttBold]

:flag:I'll get some info on a good attorney in the DFW area for you.

[USNAviator]

Lt. for two years I was our squadrons FRO (Family Resource Officer) Part of my duties was to give advice to our enlisted crew mates in situations similar to your own

By all means please contact an attorney back home and see if he can get a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) appointed for your son. Usually it's a social worker but it can also be a retired judge, doctor etc. Both you and your son have rights but your sons rights are paramount. He can't speak for himself so a GAL is appointed to step in. I'll assume you have been making support payments

The other issues are out of my realm of knowledge. Best to go civilian with them if you can afford it

If you have further questions about the GAL PM me. Good luck and don't give up hope

[UTexCody]

Thank you all for the help so far, I sense this is probably going to be a long drawn out fight :mad:

[USNAviator]

Thank you all for the help so far, I sense this is probably going to be a long drawn out fight :mad:

I can guarantee that it will, unless she runs out of money

[wildwoman73]

You have no idea.

[UTexCody]

I got some pretty helpful information from Dave. I am going to look into a lawyer he referred me too. It's just I don't want to not be in my boy's life. I would even resign my commission and move back to Texas if that was the only way for me to be in his life.

[USNAviator]

I got some pretty helpful information from Dave. I am going to look into a lawyer he referred me too. It's just I don't want to not be in my boy's life. I would even resign my commission and move back to Texas if that was the only way for me to be in his life.

Dave's damn good attorney just don't tell him I told you so. He'll show you the best way to get things done

Good luck Lt.

[USNAviator]

I gave you his name and phone number----his reputation is as a no nonsense, get it done kind of lawyer, the kind you need. He's not obnoxious, he knows the law and is not about to let the mother dictate what goes on.
You will find after talking to him that he knows his stuff. You need someone like him who will not allow the other attorney to dictate what happens. True, the woman may intially hold the cards, but not all of them. You hold some. But your son holds a lot more, and the courts will do what is best for him, not for his mother. As I said, the talk she is talking is scare tactics, naturally. This happens in every single case like this.
Once you talk with this atty and retain him, he will immediately call the other atty, they might even know each other, or he will refer you to someone in Fort Worth. He practices down that way also.
The main point is this. Your attorney will be aggressively making sure this is not a one-sided deal. You don't have to do anything. He does it all. A burden right off of your shoulders from day one.
The courts do what is best for the child. If it is best for the child to have his own father visit him regularly, then they do it. The mother can go off on tangents all she wants, she does not sit on the bench in the courtroom.
So, bottom line, an aggressive attorney will immediately call the other atty and they will talk it out to the advantage of both parties, keeping the child's interests paramount.

Exactly Dave, the child is the most important part of this equation

[USNAviator]

Yep. It appears to be one-sided, but it's not. A lot of guys fool around and wait until the woman's lawyer has everything going for her, then they might hire a lawyer after they've signed their life away. That is nonsense.
The best thing to do also is to not speak with JAGs on the base anymore, as they are not versed in Texas probate and family law, which is the only controlling thing here. All they can do is advise you about child custody very very generally, and they will then advise you to get your own civilian attorney in your jurisdiction. So they cannot, by law, be of a whole lot of help, try as they might.
You will be in good shape if you get the ball rolling at the very same time she gets the ball rolling, so she does not have the advantage of doing all this legal work before you get a chance to jump in.
Hang in there, my friend, and PM me as needed, if you have trouble contacting that lawyer in Burkburnett, etc.
With situations like this, any guy needs to jump right on this immediately if not sooner, to be in good shape later on.

Dave did I give correct advice re. a GAL? The child's welfare is the most important issue and since the child can't speak other than through the mother well......?

[VictoryttBold]

:flag:Mom, Dad, sisters, brothers, relatives ?

[VictoryttBold]

:flag:I would think that if UTex had family that is involved w/ his son that would be beneficial.

[USNAviator]

Yes, Commander (I like calling you by your first name instead of "Dan") the atty will take care of that, too---UTexCody has to do nothing more than contact an atty asap, let the attorney do it all, then Cody can sit back and watch it happen, without worrying about it night and day as anyone would.
Same with anything in life, same with surgery, you need an operation, you call a doctor immediately, instead of trying to figure out how you are going to perform the operation. You do nothing, the doctor does it all, from day one to the final resolution. Same thing with law, criminal and other areas.


LOL Dave my first name isn't Commander. Of course I haven't checked my birth records recently ...lol.. But I truly do appreciate the respect. And you are one hell of an attorney........:thumbup:

[Old Marine]

Lt. remember that in cases like this the only winners are the lawyers, and the loser usually ends up being the child.

[USNAviator]

Lt. remember that in cases like this the only winners are the lawyers, and the loser usually ends up being the child.

Sadly Gunny that is the truth in most cases. The only time it isn't is when both parents are reasonable, take the time to discuss matters and put the well fare of their child above all else.

[Sgt Leprechaun]

FYI, UT....you just got several THOUSAND dollars of FREE legal advice.

I will tell you as someone who works these cases from a different angle, that much of what you put in your initial post...is correct.

Expect a long, uphill slog until one of you run out of money. And in the end, the kid suffers.

[UTexCody]

FYI, UT....you just got several THOUSAND dollars of FREE legal advice.

I will tell you as someone who works these cases from a different angle, that much of what you put in your initial post...is correct.

Expect a long, uphill slog until one of you run out of money. And in the end, the kid suffers.

I appreciate all of the advice. I am prepared as best I can to fight her over this custody issue as much as I have to. I intend to win and get my boy and be in his life. I realize he suffers and his needs and welfare are paramount, but I refuse to not be a part of his life.

[Sgt Leprechaun]

And I certainly didn't mean to suggest that you SHOULDN'T fight. But you need honest, no BS advice going in so you know what you are getting into.

This is going to be....unpleasant at the best.

[Burke7051]

I agree you are in for a very nasty ugly battle.... Never heard of courts in Japan handling American child custody cases though. But yeah, I would definitely get a hold of a lawyer in Texas. Good luck.

[UTexCody]

I agree you are in for a very nasty ugly battle.... Never heard of courts in Japan handling American child custody cases though. But yeah, I would definitely get a hold of a lawyer in Texas. Good luck.

Yeah I thought it was really strange about their courts too.

[ARTYPIG]

I feel for you brother. I've been fighting for four years for rights to see my kids. It is tiring and gut wrenching, but as the Marine Corps taught me, I will NEVER back down from a fight. In my case unfortuneately is that she has unlimited resources and her father is an attorney. But I will go to the grave fighting for my kids. I talked to my old CO about this, and he said look for a way to out flank her. Weird as it sounds, I did, and he was right. I found a whole lot of chinks in the armor! Good luck Brother! Don't give up.

[charm1110]

While I wish you good luck, I also know that there's a lot more than luck involved here. I hope you're able to get in contact with that attorney suggested by Dave2571 and if not that one another one in Texas very soon. Remember also that the mother will probably try to paint you in the worst possible light so don't do anything rash. Watch what you say(and type), and who you say it to, Don't give her anything to use against you. I'm praying for you and your son.

Semper Fi...:flag:

[DanTheMan B]

From what I've heard, Texas always sides with the mother on everything. Guess they are pretty old-fashioned in the Lone Star State still when it comes to some things.

[Mongoose]

Im very proud to call all of you Marine brothers, even you Dan. This is what we do best. We take care of each other despite our individual beliefs and convictions. Its an Honor!

[wildwoman73]

From what I've heard, Texas always sides with the mother on everything. Guess they are pretty old-fashioned in the Lone Star State still when it comes to some things.

Unless the mother doesn't want custody or the father can prove her unfit for full custody...that's typically how it goes.

[UTexCody]

Well I appreciate everyone's help and advice. I have contacted a few lawyers in Texas as well as the one that Dave suggested. I am still in the process of figuring everything out and how I'm going to proceed. I also am getting a power of attorney so my mom and dad can assist me with this too back home, since it might be hard sometimes given the fact I'm here on Oki. And Dan, we aren't all old-fashioned in Texas. We just are kinda set in our ways I suppose. My main concern though above anything is the welfare of my boy and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure he isn't traumatized be this whole thing, regardless how ugly it gets.

[VictoryttBold]

:flag:This unfortunately is an instance where Lady Justice is not blind and should be.

[tripledog]

Suggest you get a cheap hit man.

[UTexCody]

Been a while since I've been on here. Anyway I got a letter from attorney saying that our son wants to be with her and her only and wants nothing to do with me. I have a feeling he is being brainwashed by her. She is crazy anyway, so nothing would surprise me. Well I am going to get my boy back in my life, even if I have to resign my commission to do it.

[VictoryttBold]

:iwo:How old is your son ?

[UTexCody]

:iwo:How old is your son ?

He's 3, which is why I don't buy what she's saying.

[VictoryttBold]

:iwo:Dude she's MO(mentally off), keep up the fight. That trash will end up working against her.

[ARTYPIG]

Don't quit the fight brother. I'm still fighting for my kids. She was worried on what I would say to my kids when she has been saying a whole lot including get re-married. That doesn't bother me so much except for the fact that she told my kids not to call me daddy anymore because they have a new one. She is beginning to step on her dick now because she thinks she is untouchable and is making huge mistakes. I'm praying for you! SEMPER FI

[UTexCody]

Don't quit the fight brother. I'm still fighting for my kids. She was worried on what I would say to my kids when she has been saying a whole lot including get re-married. That doesn't bother me so much except for the fact that she told my kids not to call me daddy anymore because they have a new one. She is beginning to step on her dick now because she thinks she is untouchable and is making huge mistakes. I'm praying for you! SEMPER FI

Man that's gotta be rough. I have a feeling this is going to drag on for quite awhile, because nothing is going to stop from seeing my boy, and being in his life. Thanks man. SF.

[USNAviator]

Don't quit the fight brother. I'm still fighting for my kids. She was worried on what I would say to my kids when she has been saying a whole lot including get re-married. That doesn't bother me so much except for the fact that she told my kids not to call me daddy anymore because they have a new one. She is beginning to step on her dick now because she thinks she is untouchable and is making huge mistakes. I'm praying for you! SEMPER FI


Arty keep fighting.Never give up on your kids. It's typical in these situations where one ex will use the children against the other

What she's doing is just plain wrong. You're the father and that should be reinforced in their lives continuously

None of my business re financial arrangement but if she does get remarried and you're paying spousal support that will most likely cease. You will continue to pay CS. Again not sure of your states law re CS but it usually ends when the child turns 18 but in some states it continues until the child turns 22 or graduates from college

Also you're probably responsible for paying at least 50% of their health care needs.

I've seen situations where one spouse will accuse the other of abuse, not of a sexual nature but corporal or verbal. Whether these allegations are true or not is moot because the courts take it very seriously as does the Child Protective Services. I've know men who were simply accused, never found guilty who could not see their children unless a social worker was present. And who had to pay for this social worker, the Dad.

Lt. this advice is also intended for you. Perhaps a sad glimpse into your future litigation. I served as our squadron FRO for about 18 months and it was a quick but in depth education into how parents screw with their kids

The battle will continue until one side runs out of money or the other quits and the only "winners" are the lawyers. Don't they always?