Guidence needed

[Odom5363]

My son signed with the Marines early 2010. He wanted to go to boot camp sooner than October. In order for him to do that he was forced to go reserve. He completed Boot camp and SOI by Sept.2010. He did very well at his training and came out highly motivated. He ckecks in at drill goes the first and second months and doesnt go in December. He has lost that motivation. The First Sgt called me and had a meeting with my son in January to put him back in satisfactory mode, in which he came home yet again motivated. He was scheduled for drill this weekend and he doesnt want to go. During this period of time he has not found a job. That alone is weighing on him. However he says he doesnt like the particular unit he is with and he wants to be active not part time.
I realize I am just the mother and this is his problem to deal with but he usually listens to what I say. What do I say? I dont want to call any attention to him at this point he may get chewed for mama calling. I know my sons heart and it is for the corp but I am afraid reserves is not fulfilling the desire that needs to be fed.
Please understand I am just a mom trying to help her 19 year old be who he has always wanted to be.
Thank you,
The Mama

[USNAviator]

With all due respect ma'am you're enabling your son to remain a little boy. He's a man and a Marine and as such he has an obligation to fulfill.It's not what he want to do it's what the Corps needs him to do.

I think Jim Harper might want to comment on this situation as well

[Marine1011]

In my day. court martial time. They come right out and say come on son, let's go. And that's the end of it. So if this post is for real, better have your son shape up or ship out. Just my 2 cents.

[USNAviator]

In my day. court martial time. They come right out and say come on son, let's go. And that's the end of it. So if this post is for real, better have your son shape up or ship out. Just my 2 cents.

And well worth the price Jim. I knew you wouldn't split hairs. Say how is that daughter of yours doing, Effie Mae? I heard she going to Taxidermy school in the Fall. You must be very proud

[kaelobo]

Dont mean to change the subject, DAV call me today and iam P and T that means champ for the wife has some problems with health, great day today, just had to tell somebody ,.........................................usmc

[USNAviator]

Dont mean to change the subject, DAV call me today and iam P and T that means champ for the wife has some problems with health, great day today, just had to tell somebody ,.........................................usmc

Bob, I'm not familiar with what you're talking about. Can you explain more, if you don't mind?

[Phantom Blooper]

I am not privy to todays information....however when I was in reservist that didn't go was given brig time and then put active.....some behaved and stayed squared away and done the hitch they signed...

[Phantom Blooper]

Permanet and Total on disability

[USNAviator]

Permanet and Total on disability


Thank you!!

[USNAviator]

My personal thoughts are this young man signed the contract and swore an oath and allegiance....mom did not.....

If he doesn't go then it is cross to carry.....and I believe regardless of reserve or active.....he knew what he was getting into before he signed the dotted line.....this isn't like him getting up and going to school....don't want to go.....skip school.....and then either quit or do makeup work.....a contract is a contract and he is a young adult and bear the consequences as such.

Cut the apron strings and let him go just like you did when he went to recruit training.


As I said in my post, you are enabling him, don't do it. As Phantom so adroitly put it, he signed an contract and swore an oath. Doesn't he understand the consequeces of his actions?

There is no easy way out. He must honor his contract and his allegiance.. If he is doing this behavior now, what will he do in the future? Please do as Phantom suggested, cut the apron strings. He'll be OK, he'll have no other choice. The expression today is "man up". He did it at boot, he can do it again

[03Mike]

Well, not going to drill is not an option. Your son has an obligation - he made an adult decision and joined an adult organization, which brought adult responsibilities. <br />
<br />
Now, if I may lend...

[SGT7477]

If he doesn't like his reserve unit doesn't mean he will like an active unit,he needs to man up and act like a Marine.

[Old Marine]

If he is presently living under you roof, I suggest that you have him fall in and you march his honey buns directly to the next drill meeting and deposit him in front of the 1st Sgt's desk. I do not know how they do it these days, but i doubt you want some MP's showing up at your door to pick him up. Then again, maybe that is what he needs.

[mcvet57103]

Sounds like a sh!tbird to me. Go get him his earned BCD and give him the boot. The Corps will be better off, and down the road a few years he'll be on here whining how he should have tried harder, but Mommy didn't make him be a man.:evilgrin:

[drillinstructor]

It is simple. Tell your son he must do his time honorably and in the end if he wants out then get out. His future will be bleak if he chooses any other course of action.

[Odom5363]

Your advice is all so helpful. Yes this post is legit. My son is that, filled with several paradoxes. I believe you all are correct he does need to man up and this is helping me to "cut the apron". I don't come from a military family. He is the first to have done so. I didn't know how to respond. I don't want to enable him at all. It's almost like he is scare of something as stupid as that sounds. It's like he survived the cut but doesn't want what comes next. But for now I am going to use the size advise that has been set before me and I will continue to chime in for support. I found this website by mere accident searching for help just for me and stumbled upon it. Again thank you all.

[Odom5363]

If he is presently living under you roof, I suggest that you have him fall in and you march his honey buns directly to the next drill meeting and deposit him in front of the 1st Sgt's desk. I do not know how they do it these days, but i doubt you want some MP's showing up at your door to pick him up. Then again, maybe that is what he needs.

I don't want that no but I am thinking he needs to see this is nothing to push away. I can tell this is bothering him.

[Odom5363]

Sounds like a sh!tbird to me. Go get him his earned BCD and give him the boot. The Corps will be better off, and down the road a few years he'll be on here whining how he should have tried harder, but Mommy didn't make him be a man.:evilgrin:

Thanks but no thanks I am looking for encouragement not discouragement.

[HOWARDROARK3043]

but ... but... Sgt.. in call of duty I am able to do what I want...........

[mcvet57103]

Back in my day you couldn't expect the Corps to just give you a General Discharge. You might get one, but only after NJP/Courts Martial, Brig time, and months of making your life miserable to the...

[Phantom Blooper]

Marine Corps Reserves <br />
Under Marine Corps Order P1100.72C, Reserve members who have not yet attended IADT IInitial Active Duty Training)who refuse to ship out to boot camp, or who state a desire to...

[Odom5363]

That's exactly what I don't want. And I don't consider myself as &quot;Babying&quot; I am very upset and disappointed he is better than this. When he went in his plan was career all the way. He actually earned...

[USNAviator]

I think that if he would have went straight active he would not have the distractions of the civilian world of girlfriend and choice.

I think we've found the other reasons. I figured there had to be other factors involved, simply that he didn't like his unit, the Corps etc. A girlfriend can have a great amount of influence, both positive and negative. Here it seems to be negative

Does he have any buddies who he went through training with that are now active? Can you get in touch with them? Sometimes getting it from a friend can set someone straight.

Good luck

[Old Marine]

Ah Ha, the real reason now comes out. A little twit is involved. The best thing for the Marine Corps to do is cut ties between the Corps and this guy. In the Corps there is no room nor time for this kind of crap. The Corps will be better off and there will be one less malcontent in our ranks.

[Old Marine]

Cmdr: Looks like we both posted about the twit at the same time.

[Odom5363]

I think we've found the other reasons. I figured there had to be other factors involved, simply that he didn't like his unit, the Corps etc. A girlfriend can have a great amount of influence, both positive and negative. Here it seems to be negative

Does he have any buddies who he went through training with that are now active? Can you get in touch with them? Sometimes getting it from a friend can set someone straight.

Good luck

He does have friends that went active. It makes him want the active. He says if he could go active he could marry the girl and take care of her. And as goofy as this sounds. With being reserve you would think he would appreciate it after all he became a marine which was what he always wanted to be. But in his eyes it's giving me all or give me nothing. There was a time he stood tall saying the corp comes first. What happened? He got civilianize I call it. I can't wait to tell him what I have learned just through this site. I think reality will kick in. I'm thinking of taking him for a trip to Montgomery to see his unit. Lol drill isn't over until tomorrow. I think I now have a better understanding as to what my part is in this. And to those who have taken your time to teach me that a big thank you.

[mcvet57103]

He does have friends that went active. It makes him want the active. He says if he could go active he could marry the girl and take care of her. And as goofy as this sounds. With being reserve you would think he would appreciate it after all he became a marine which was what he always wanted to be. But in his eyes it's giving me all or give me nothing. There was a time he stood tall saying the corp comes first. What happened? He got civilianize I call it. I can't wait to tell him what I have learned just through this site. I think reality will kick in. I'm thinking of taking him for a trip to Montgomery to see his unit. Lol drill isn't over until tomorrow. I think I now have a better understanding as to what my part is in this. And to those who have taken your time to teach me that a big thank you.First of all, Marine is always capitalized. And it's Corps, not corp. Marrying his GF will not guarantee she will be allowed to follow him where-ever he is stationed. Whether it be by permission of the Marine Corps, or their financial situation.

[doc h fmf]

HE NEEDS TO LET GO OF MAMA'S APRON DIDNT HE SIGN FOR THE RESERVES< HE SHOULD OF THOUGHT OF WHAT HE WAS DOING. HE'll be okay mom let him go.
GOODLUCK TO YOU AND YOUR SON MAAM.

STEPHEN DOC HANSEN HM3 FMF

[USNAviator]

He does have friends that went active. It makes him want the active. He says if he could go active he could marry the girl and take care of her. And as goofy as this sounds. With being reserve you would think he would appreciate it after all he became a marine which was what he always wanted to be. But in his eyes it's giving me all or give me nothing. There was a time he stood tall saying the corp comes first. What happened? He got civilianize I call it. I can't wait to tell him what I have learned just through this site. I think reality will kick in. I'm thinking of taking him for a trip to Montgomery to see his unit. Lol drill isn't over until tomorrow. I think I now have a better understanding as to what my part is in this. And to those who have taken your time to teach me that a big thank you.


I think that's a pro-active approach. He needs an attitude adjustment toward his duty and responsibilities. As you mentioned he has some buddies who are active, that's a great place to start.

This is none of my business but if he can't deal with this problem, being married at 19 will put him so far into it he'll never get out.

[Odom5363]

I agree 100%. I married at 17 two years later gave birth to him and found myself a high school drop out divorced with a 2 yr old. I did remarry to a wonderful man had 3 other children Now I'm 38 in college full time while working part time dealing with a 19 not growing up and owing up to his purpose and obligation that he took on. One thing I can say. I have shown him through out his life you work for what you want nothing is given it's earned and if I'm not mistaken that is a term the Marines use quite frequently.

[03Mike]

It's time for some "tough love" in my humble opinion.


I have shown him through out his life you work for what you want nothing is given

It looks like it's time to stop giving him refuge from his problems. It may be time to stop giving him support, meals, a place to live, etc. It looks like it's time to stop giving him excuses.

You're in a tough situation - and his immaturity isn't making it any easier. I would say it's time for you to kick him and his ego to the curb. Go back to the reasons he enlisted in the first place, and the feelings he had at graduation from boot camp and point out to him that he's very, very quickly losing any respect he's gained from accomplishing all that.

[USNAviator]

I agree 100%. I married at 17 two years later gave birth to him and found myself a high school drop out divorced with a 2 yr old. I did remarry to a wonderful man had 3 other children Now I'm 38 in college full time while working part time dealing with a 19 not growing up and owing up to his purpose and obligation that he took on. One thing I can say. I have shown him through out his life you work for what you want nothing is given it's earned and if I'm not mistaken that is a term the Marines use quite frequently.

You sound like a great Mom and roll model.

[Tennessee Top]

You're in a tough spot mom and I don't envy you. Certainly, you want what is best for your child. Having never had children, I am in no position to offer any advice in that area. Situations like yours make me glad I never had any.

However, as a career enlisted Marine with more experience with non-hackers than I care to remember, I would suggest posting an ultimatum: "shape up, get your priorities straight, or get out". Give him a deadline; if he doesn't meet it, put his stuff out on the curb and change the locks on your doors. He can move in with his GF's folks; I'm sure they'll be happy to deal with him and at least they'll get a glimpse of their future son-in-law. The talking phase failed and is over with; now, it's time for the action phase.

Good luck and let us know how it works out.

[PJones64]

Tennessee Top is talking about tough love, and he is right on the money. That has to be done, and quickly.