I have a confession to make to my wife. I have a mistress.

35 years is a long time to spend with a mistress, but that is how long we've been together. And, as long as I'm telling the truth, she hasn't treated me very well. In fact, she is the cause of a lot of sleepless nights. She makes me depressed and angry. She makes me feel isolated and numb and guilty. She is the one who makes me feel like I don't fit in, that I'm not normal, that I'm unlovable and unworthy. She is the reason that I drink too much and hide in my bunker.

But let's be fair. She also gave me the best times of my life. She showed me what it means to be so close to someone that I would defend their safety at any cost. She was with me when I became a man. She taught me to share my last cigarette, my last can of beans, my thoughts, and my dreams; all of those things that are so hard for me to share with you, my wife. She taught me to recognize the flavor of what it is like to be alive, and the sound of that roaring silence after a fight. She gave me a thousand things that only she could give me; things that I can never give to you, my wife. And I am happy that I can't give them to you.

And yet, even though you've known about her all this time, you have tried to help me get over her, knowing full well that I can't forget her. When we are around other guys who know her, you become an outsider. You stand in the background while the guys who've known my mistress drink and laugh and talk smack about the good times we had with her. We share pictures of her, sing songs about her, and wish we were young again so we could do it all over. She is the best of times, the worst of times.

Through all of this, you have been there for me. You listen to my stories about her, hoping to learn more about her. You leave me alone when I'm in my bunker, even though you want to slap me out of it. You do things for me that my mistress won't let me do. You can tell when she is on my mind and you love me anyway. If all of that seems unfair, consider this: I got medals for being with my mistress. You got custody of an old, balding, fat, stove-up Marine with a warped sense of humor who needs constant care and feeding. Some of the guys who have been with my mistress are called heroes, but you are the real hero in all of this.

Thank you for putting up with me... and my mistress.